What it means to be ignored for a video game.

[CAM]

A client of mine had this problem--her husband came home every night and played video games. It wasn't like she was undesirable---actually, very smart, very sultry, and total hottie. Very classy, too.

She sought solace from me in terms of conversation--she'd hand around after meetings to talk with me about life, etc. Didn't complain about the husband but mentioned it once. She wasn't going for "tea and sympathy" but had I offered, then it might have led to that. All that being said, she eventually left the guy. Thank goodness for her strength to leave.

The one thing I learned about all of this is the huge number of guys who are this way with their women--they'll just play video games and ignore the great person right next to them. I don't get it...I really don't understand the nut-so quality of men like this. I also don't understand the patience women have with creeps like this...but, they'll patiently wait and hope that he'll turn around one day and see the light. Whatever.

The advice earlier is right on--don't get involved. She has to figure it out for herself. Namely, that a lot of guys are losers...regardless of how nice they might look in your dream wedding photos.

[Gribble]

Video games aren't my poison but that's exactly the kind of guy I am. Something new and shiny comes along and that's that. I just don't drag the relationship out after my interest has waned.

[carl1222]

Thanks (to some of you) for your responses, but I find the majority of them to be rather cold-hearted. I'm not just assuming out of thin air that she is unhappy. What you people don't know, is that when she drinks, she is honest, and tells me how much she HATES him. She even tells HIM how much of an asshole he is. She screams, cries, vents, and then the next day she denies ever saying it and pretends everything is peachy keen. DRUNKEN WORDS ARE SOBER THOUGHTS.

Not only that, I can tell by her demeanor that she is suffering verbal abuse, and I can hear him yelling at her in their bedroom through my bathroom wall. I know everything is NOT okay, but she is too submissive to ask for help or confront the issue. You people are assholes if you'd sit by and watch your roommate be abused and just turn the other way.

OK so now the gloves come off, Jumpin. You are an unapologetic control freak. We've almost universally told you that your grasp is way beyond your reach, yet you just can't stand the thought that someone would decide NOT to take your "wise" advice. So if she rejects it she MUST be submissive. I think it's revealing of your closed mind that you thank everyone who agrees with you, and call anyone who dares to disagree an a**hole ... this is pretty much what you are trying to ram down your roomie's throat, isn't it?

So you assume that your roomie is somehow defective, stupid even ... and needs to be "taken care of." Even though she is an adult, you decide to treat her like a 10 year old. Drunken words are NOT sober thoughts, they are an exaggeration of them at most. I've said things drunk that upon sober reflection, I did not mean. Alcohol is not the gateway to the subconscious and it's just dumb psychobabble to think it is.

As Aeradalia said, you are risking alienating everyone by forcing yourself into a private matter between two people in a relationship.

If he was hitting her in front of you, that would be another matter entirely. But you are so hell-bent on finding all the bad in their relationship, you obviously can't see any good in it. Your roomie can.

If you want to be a mommy, have your own kids. Let the grown ups run their own lives and butt out!

Carl.

[Illusional]

hahaha i know that my thoughts weren't the nicest. yes i was drinking last night, but i still feel the same way. i just find it pitiful that people can't make their own choices, yet they are wiling to suffer because they won't take a stand.

if you're friend isn't willing to open her eyes, and she wants it done for her.. then you can either do two things. stand and watch her dumbness, or try and break it up and risk losing your friendship.

raverboy

[IndiReloaded]

What you people don't know, is that when she drinks, she is honest, and tells me how much she HATES him. She even tells HIM how much of an asshole he is.

This is energy she should be directing to either fixing her issues with him, or figuring out why its a good idea for her to leave. Don't enable her to stay in an unhappy relationship by letting her feel better about emotional issues best sorted out with him directly.

The best thing you can do as her friend, is let her figure this out for herself. You can be empathetic, I suggest things like 'ah, that's a shame, what will you do about it'? But ultimately, its her relationship to fix or walk away from, not yours.

I agree with Giga. You need to get your own BF and work on your own relationship skills. Since they are clearly going to be superior to your friends, you can teach her by example.

Beyond that, tho, I would strongly advise against sticking your neck out. You will only get clipped. By one or both.

[Anomaly]

I can never meet a girl who would act like that, she would leave me with the quickness.. So, she must just not have enough faith in herself to know that she can go and find somebody better. I agree that I wouldn't interfere either, its her choice to stay with somebody who treats her like crap. But yeah, you can talk to her as a friend and tell her that she deserves better. But don't talk to him about it, because he obviously doesn't deserve it!