What it means to be ignored for a video game.

[carl1222]

Well okay, but if you watch your friend fall off their bike, do you wait for them to get up and ask you for a bandaid, or do you go over to see if they are okay?

I'm not telling JumpinBean to douse her roommate in neosporin and bandage her up like a mummy. It's okay to ask how a relationship is going and voice your opinion. In my book, a true friend would not make any assumption.

Where are you from anyway? Here we don't invite others to comment. We just comment. And we sure as hell don't assume everything is okay until otherwise is spoken... especially when a possible problem is afoot.

I agree doppel but as she said "I've tried mentioning it to her before, but she doesn't seem to realize that it is a problem when your live-in boyfriend would rather put on his headphones and shoot people for hours in an alternate reality than spend time together. She seems to just brush it off like no big deal" So she already has done what you suggested. How much interference in someone else's relationship is too much?

When I said "invite to comment" I meant roomie inviting OP to comment (again and again until roomie sees it "her way"), not here on the forum where we all say what we think.

Carl.

[Illusional]

if she is willing to put up with this that it's up to her. if she doesn't like it, then she can leave. i won't sympathize with her because she wants to stay with a guy that doesn't want to treat her the way that she wants to be treated. there are too many fish in the sea for people to waste their efforts on bullshit.

raverboy

[doppelgaenger]

In that case, my bad. I misread the original post.

How much interference is too much? - When one feels the right to decide what is good and what isn't good for someone's relationship lol. I agree with you now that you pointed out what was misread.

[doppelgaenger]

if she is willing to put up with this that it's up to her. if she doesn't like it, then she can leave. i won't sympathize with her because she wants to stay with a guy that doesn't want to treat her the way that she wants to be treated. there are too many fish in the sea for people to waste their efforts on bullshit.

raverboy

The funny thing is that, these days, the huge fish that take forever to angle in usually have the most mercury content.

There's another metaphor for ya

[carl1222]

if she is willing to put up with this that it's up to her. if she doesn't like it, then she can leave. i won't sympathize with her because she wants to stay with a guy that doesn't want to treat her the way that she wants to be treated. there are too many fish in the sea for people to waste their efforts on bullshit.

raverboy

Exactly, raver.

I am a big fan of old television ... the Honeymooners ... an episode where Norton tries to convince Ralph to lay down the law. At the end, Ralph always has an epiphany ... in this episode his epiphany was "how dare I let an outsider try to run MY marriage!!!" Always good advice.

Carl.

[Illusional]

Exactly, raver.

I am a big fan of old television ... the Honeymooners ... an episode where Norton tries to convince Ralph to lay down the law. At the end, Ralph always has an epiphany ... in this episode his epiphany was "how dare I let an outsider try to run MY marriage!!!" Always good advice.

Carl.

umm... care to clarify?? i'm drinking and didn't quite catch your interpretation.

The funny thing is that, these days, the huge fish that take forever to angle in usually have the most mercury content.

There's another metaphor for ya

maybe that's why i always have a high alcohol content in my system...

raverboy

[carl1222]

Clarification ... people run their own relationships for good or ill .. without outside help.

Carl.

[Illusional]

that's something that i never understood. let me sum it up....

people in general (dumb or not) love to stay in relationships because their are getting some sort of attention that they think they will never find anywhere else. regardless of their are constantly being hurt or ignored,end of the t they are just blind to see the light that might be at the other side of the tunnel. maybe it's because they are afraid to take a chance at a new beginning, or maybe they are just weak that they can't stand on their own two feet. whatever the reason may by, it really does surprise me when people can't leave a relationship for a better one because they want to or need to return to a life of hardships.

raverboy

[Iwanttobefree]

you know what, life is too good to be wasted on video games. I know we all play it, but it can get really dehumanizing sometimes.

just throwing it out there.

[Ruval]

I really wouldn't blame it on videogames... I'd blame it on the guy for being a douchebag.

I live with a good friend of mine and her boyfriend. I need help on giving her some advice, because I can tell she is being neglected... Basically, her boyfriend blatantly ignores her for a computer game. He plays the game as soon as he wakes up, and as soon as he comes home from work; that is literally all he does. The only time he even glanced at her today was to accept the dinner she had made for him. I can tell it hurts her to be living with someone who treats her second best to a video game... =[ She comes into the living room just to be near him, and even has tried to act interested in his game just to be included... And all he does is snap at her, and continues to give her the cold shoulder. She enjoys video games herself, so perhaps that's why she hasn't confronted the issue... But there is a huuuuge difference between enjoying video games, and using them as a way to make her feel insignificant and needy. She does not see the manipulation going on here, and she doesn't realize that his neglect directly impacts her self esteem. I really care about her, and I've tried mentioning it to her before, but she doesn't seem to realize that it is a problem when your live-in boyfriend would rather put on his headphones and shoot people for hours in an alternate reality than spend time together. She seems to just brush it off like no big deal, when I know for a fact that this is hurting her. What can I do to make her realize that this is wrong? How do I approach the situation without over-stepping my boundaries as her friend and roommate??

- Heather

[LoveHurts09]

Well okay, but if you watch your friend fall off their bike, do you wait for them to get up and ask you for a bandaid, or do you go over to see if they are okay?

I'm not telling JumpinBean to douse her roommate in neosporin and bandage her up like a mummy. It's okay to ask how a relationship is going and voice your opinion. In my book, a true friend would not make any assumption.

Where are you from anyway? Here we don't invite others to comment. We just comment. And we sure as hell don't assume everything is okay until otherwise is spoken... especially when a possible problem is afoot.

agreed, this guy sounds like he's bored of her so they atleast need to talk about what they want from the relationship. i can understand a little time playing but all of it? he needs help.

as for what ucan do about it? not much really, u cant tell her what to do and when u talk to her u have to keep impartial/calm, dont make it hard for her to talk to u and dont push her - maybe it's just a temp glitch or has some bigger story which u dont know.

[JumpinBean]

Thanks (to some of you) for your responses, but I find the majority of them to be rather cold-hearted. I'm not just assuming out of thin air that she is unhappy. What you people don't know, is that when she drinks, she is honest, and tells me how much she HATES him. She even tells HIM how much of an asshole he is. She screams, cries, vents, and then the next day she denies ever saying it and pretends everything is peachy keen. DRUNKEN WORDS ARE SOBER THOUGHTS.

Not only that, I can tell by her demeanor that she is suffering verbal abuse, and I can hear him yelling at her in their bedroom through my bathroom wall. I know everything is NOT okay, but she is too submissive to ask for help or confront the issue. You people are assholes if you'd sit by and watch your roommate be abused and just turn the other way.

[JumpinBean]

that's something that i never understood. let me sum it up....

people in general (dumb or not) love to stay in relationships because their are getting some sort of attention that they think they will never find anywhere else. regardless of their are constantly being hurt or ignored,end of the t they are just blind to see the light that might be at the other side of the tunnel. maybe it's because they are afraid to take a chance at a new beginning, or maybe they are just weak that they can't stand on their own two feet. whatever the reason may by, it really does surprise me when people can't leave a relationship for a better one because they want to or need to return to a life of hardships.

raverboy

This is exactly what's going on. She's never had another boyfriend so she has nothing to compare it to. She's become dependant on him, and he's lowered her self-esteem... therefore she will never have the strength to leave the relationship, and believe she is worthy of being treated with respect. She's been with him for 3 years, and he has managed to gain complete control over her. She has no free-will. She can't even go out with me without asking him for permission, and she's older than he is!! This guy is a complete loser. It's ridiculous.

[Aeradalia]

Jumpin_Bean... asshole behavior or not... the facts are the facts... you can't control anyone... you can't convince them when they don't want to be convinced... and you cannot tell them how to run their relationship.

You're an outsider... which means you have to wait for your friend to either ask for your advice/perspective or finally admit you are right. Till then... all you can do is watch from the sidelines...

If you jump in and try to tell her what she needs to be doing... him and her both will turn on you. He will use the opportunity to get rid of you and she will feel betrayed by your lack of faith in her as a friend.

Either way it goes... you're powerless to help until she comes to you.

[vashti]

This scenario reminds me why cops hate going out to somestic violence calls. The guy beats the crap out of the woman, and when the cops show up to arrest him, the woman takes his side, and attacks the cops.

JumpinBean - I don't sugest you just sit there and watch all this go on. i suggest you move away, and tell your friend you can't stand watching any more. Then tell her she can come to you when she's had enough.