I don't like porn

[insidemyheart]

In short I feel self conscious about the females in porn. They are obviously better looking than me, although I don't consider them beautiful, only 'cause they're too trashy to be beautiful, but hot, sexy, attractive, yes they are, like 100x more than me!

I have small breasts and while I'm slim I'm not toned. But it's the breasts mainly, because well, granted, they are mostly fake, but still they're better than nothing. My boyfriend watches this and I'm glad he's honest and doesn't hide it, but there's a thing as too honest. We've talked about this and while he said he loves me and finds me attractive and that our sex life is great, that yes, porn stars have better bodies. But that he loves me, etc. Still, I haven't been able to get over it and now I'm paranoid all the time when I'm on my period or when we haven't had time to have sex (we don't live together).

I feel like an idiot, 'cause fantasies are fantasies, right? And so what if he thinks about other girls or threesomes and the like, right? Well, I feel abnormal because I'm not open minded like this. I do everything in bed, but I just can't shake off these insecurity feelings, this jealousy and envy I feel that these women have more desirable bodies. I can't relate, really, because I don't fantasize about other guys when I masturbate. He's enough for me. I also don't read romance novels or Cosmo (why do men always assume that ALL women read these things anyway?). I think other guys are attractive, but I don't look for naked pictures of them to masturbate to. I don't think about having sex with them.

I feel like an idiot because he knows about this and while he offered to stop and I declined, he says he feels guilty when he watches porn because it makes me feel bad. Now I feel guilty! What can I do? As much as I think about all the fakeness of porn and that he'll never meet them, that it's a fantasy... well would he be happier if my body was more like that of a porn star? Once he told me that he wouldn't, ONLY 'cause every guy would be checking me out and maybe I'd leave him for someone better. But just because of that. So he would like it better if I was toned with huge breasts and butt, and shaved EVERYWHERE. I feel very self conscious, as I have always felt inferior for my small breasts, even before I met him. In my family everyone has big breasts, except me and I have no chances of growing anymore.

I feel like an idiot for having made him feel guilty, and an idiot for not being able to just ignore porn and be happy with myself.

[Gigabitch]

Oh, honey. Porn has nothing to do with real life. Your boyfriend sounds like he's got a pretty good handle on this, and he's being both honest and sweet about it. I don't think he should have offered to stop watching it, though. That makes it seem like you have a reasonable complaint when really, you're just being silly. Deep down, you know this. I can hear it.

Look, if he wanted a porn star for a girlfriend, he could probably get one. They're out there. From what I can tell, most guys don't want that. It might visually stimulate them, but that's only interesting for about ten minutes at a time, if you know what I mean.

[insidemyheart]

That makes it seem like you have a reasonable complaint when really, you're just being silly. Deep down, you know this. I can hear it.

Look, if he wanted a porn star for a girlfriend, he could probably get one. They're out there.

I know, right? I know I'm being stupid I hate myself for not being cool like all those other girls who even watch porn themselves, but I'm not like that I feel like an 1800's prude!

I guess I wouldn't mind the porn if the women weren't so mega hot, but they are. And I have small breasts, it's always been a hang up for me. I know they are hotter than me, and well, he's already told me he knows that too. He's told me he loves me and that I'm being shallow and that who care sif he watches? I agree, I shouldn't hinder him, but I just feel so awful compared to these women. He can't get one because in the town I live in (more like the country I live in) there isn't a porn industry really and plastic surgery is extremely expensive and rare. So guys are just stuck with choosing normal looking girls - like me.

I just don't get how he can think I'm attractive if he sees this huge breasts on tiny toned waists. How can a normal woman with stretch marks, a flabby tummy and small breasts compare or compete? I just want to feel like the hottest babe in his eyes, but I'm obviously not. I've been mocked my whole life for being less than ideal, so maybe there's some baggage bothering me too. I can honestly say I've never felt attractive in my life, ever, it's impossible with the beauty standards of today's society.

And I know it's all my fault because I'm weak enough to let it get to me. I'm such an idiot

[Gigabitch]

Well, some guys think big breasts are really sloppy-looking. This may not be a matter of him having no choice. I used to think all men were turned on by enormous boobs, too, but they actually aren't. Some are, obviously, but you might be surprised at how many guys think they're over the top and extreme.

You need to work on figuring out WHY he wants you. Clearly, it's not because of your knockout body. hmmm. There must be something more to you, then.

I'll bet if you gave every guy on LoveForum a list of 20 qualities they'd want in a girlfriend and asked them to put them in order of priority, things like "Trustworthy" and "Into Me" would be higher than "Porn Body".

[Aeradalia]

Your boyfriend loves how you look... it's you who doesn't. He sees these 'attractive' women in porn... but favors you. You see these women in porn and feel bad because you aren't adhering to the standard you are forcing on yourself --- not him.


Your boyfriend is so far removed from this inferiority complex you've developed... it's not even funny. He's not going anywhere... he's not thinking about how inadequate you are physically... all he's thinking is 'wow, this porn has made me horny... where's my beautiful girlfriend?' That's it...

Porn is just something that helps achieve an erection for him... he doesn't think about such things as 'gee... I could do so much better than my girlfriend... I want a woman like that in my life.. etc.' Seriously... his brain probably doesn't go beyond 'wow, she's naked!' or 'he's really giving it to her!'

Bottom line... this is a YOU problem... and doesn't involve him. He's happy with you... you're not happy with yourself. And you need to stop being dissatisfied with your body... I mean it's your boyfriend who will be appreciating your beauty... and he's apparently quite happy with you.

[The_bobb]

Well, some guys think big breasts are really sloppy-looking.

Yo....

[insidemyheart]

Bottom line... this is a YOU problem... and doesn't involve him.

Thanks for the encouraging post. I know this is a 100% "me" issue, that's why I posted it on Personal Development, 'cause it's something I gotta improve.

[DoesntMatter]

The porn industry will get along just fine without your business

[Gigabitch]

By the way, I think you should do a little research about whether or not breast augmentation really improves a woman's self-esteem. It's my understanding that it doesn't. They just start to obsess about another body part, and then another. You really DO have to fix this on the inside.

[insidemyheart]

Yeah, I'd never have breast enlargement I think. First because I'd feel fake. But most importantly because I fear that it could go wrong, or that I could react badly to the silicone (because even the shell is made of silicone, even if it's filled with "safe" saline solution). At the very least, tehy could look like bolt ons and that wouldn't be nice too. Plus I'm still too young, what would happen if I had daughters down the road? How could I explain THAT? Or well, boys for that matter. What would they think of small chested women?

So no, I'd never get a boob job. I'll just have to work on self love I guess and accepting that my boyfriend or any guy really, will be into porn and other women's bodies. It is how it is.

[Illusional]

hrmm... why do people fret over things that they can't control... for the most part.

anyhow, it's like me comparing my little pecker to the foot long schlongs that the male stars have. stop worrying to much and work with what was given to you.

raverboy

[insidemyheart]

hrmm... why do people fret over things that they can't control... for the most part.

anyhow, it's like me comparing my little pecker to the foot long schlongs that the male stars have. stop worrying to much and work with what was given to you.

raverboy

You don't get it, because you watch porn and enjoy it because of the females or who knows. I don't watch porn because there's no way I could enjoy it. It's my boyfriend who watches it and enjoys it for the females who look nothing like me. And just for the record just because an ugly, gross guy has a "foot long schlong" DOESN'T make him irresistible or a sex god with incredible sex abilities. Have you seen the guys in porn? Gross, they're just plain ugly and disgusting. I've actually heard from a lot of real life girls that having sex with a guy with a huge penis isn't too pleasurable because sometimes the guys rely on size alone, and/or it just hurts because it's too big for a girl's vagina.

[onthink]

you are cute!

[Aeradalia]

You don't get it, because you watch porn and enjoy it because of the females or who knows. I don't watch porn because there's no way I could enjoy it. It's my boyfriend who watches it and enjoys it for the females who look nothing like me.

If you really do not understand your boyfriend's or any guy's motives for watching porn... then how do you know they 'don't get it' in regards to your own insecurities?

Illusional makes a good point --- you are fretting over something you have no control over. You are comparing what you have to what the women in the porno's have... and you do need to just be happy with what you have and work with it.

[CAM]

Porn. I've look at it, I admit; but it is not a regular event in my life. Why look at it, though? Because they are caricatures--nothing about them is real, and by "real" I mean "normal" or "average."

The sexual circumstance isn't real, the bodies are not even close to real, the lack of any genuine emotion is not real.

For folks who have experienced childhood abuse or otherwise...casual viewing of the stuff is a way of relieving one's body of the hormones that cause pain and confusion. It is as if becoming an adult with adult's needs is a painful reliving of the experiences of childhood that one should never have had to endure.

I don't know your boyfriend's circumstances (nor, I suspect do you entirely know his story...things are hidden for life, sometimes), but sometimes, it is therapy for people...sometimes, they are trying to make the leap from something negative they view about sex to something they view positively--namely, a relationship with a nice person like yourself. In that case, he wouldn't be comparing you to them in any way that would suggest that you become more like them.