I'll take the truth at any cost..

[Chimera0110]

Hi, I am chimera0110 and I want to share some things here.

Last month I broke up with my girlfriend after being 9 months together (she dumped me, I never expected this), she wasn't in love with me anymore she said. This girl was one of the best things that happened to me in my life, she gave my life meaning, she was my everything. If I had to, I would have given my life for her.
I have cut all contact with her; she said we will never be together again, not even a little chance at that: I really don't know what I did wrong.
Yesterday I heard through the grapevine that she is now together with a good mate of mine, a little month after we broke up.
I don't want her back, I wish to keep my pride and my dignity.

I think we weren't ment to be, we are just to different. She wanted to rent a house with me, I wasn't ready. She had most of our life together pointed out, I am more a live the moment kind of guy. This is one of the main reasons of the break-up I guess..
I think we also had a different view on love, I think she sees a boyfriend as someone who makes her life easier, someone who just gives her what she wants, in a materalistic way..
My view on love is that it is supposed to be unconditionally, something you just have to fight for, every day, every hour.. Not giving up the first moment something goes wrong.

Perhaps I am just a dreamer and there is no such thing as unconditional love, but if I have to, I will find it or if I don't I will die trying.
What are your views on love?

Sorry if the text isn't easy to read or if there are spelling mistakes, english isn't my mothertongue..

[carl1222]

Hi, I am chimera0110 and I want to share some things here.

Last month I broke up with my girlfriend after being 9 months together (she dumped me, I never expected this), she wasn't in love with me anymore she said. This girl was one of the best things that happened to me in my life, she gave my life meaning, she was my everything. If I had to, I would have given my life for her.
I have cut all contact with her; she said we will never be together again, not even a little chance at that: I really don't know what I did wrong.
Yesterday I heard through the grapevine that she is now together with a good mate of mine, a little month after we broke up.
I don't want her back, I wish to keep my pride and my dignity.

I think we weren't ment to be, we are just too different. She wanted to rent a house with me, I wasn't ready. She had most of our life together pointed out, I am more a live the moment kind of guy. This is one of the main reasons of the break-up I guess..
I think we also had a different view on love, I think she sees a boyfriend as someone who makes her life easier, someone who just gives her what she wants, in a materalistic way..
My view on love is that it is supposed to be unconditionally, something you just have to fight for, every day, every hour.. Not giving up the first moment something goes wrong.

Perhaps I am just a dreamer and there is no such thing as unconditional love, but if I have to, I will find it or if I don't I will die trying.
What are your views on love?

Sorry if the text isn't easy to read or if there are spelling mistakes, english isn't my mothertongue..

I don't think either of you did anyhing wrong, you ARE perhaps just too different. There is such a thing as unconditional love. The love a mother has for her baby, for example. Or the love a child has for their parents. But romantic love is far from unconditional ... it's work, it's compromise, and in the end, it requires a compatibility that comes in part from recognizing and accommodating each other's faults. If you never reach that gentle truce (yes, I meant to say truce not truth), the relationship deteriorates into a constant battlefield where love is the final casualty.

Maybe it's coincidence or the alignment of the stars, but this is the third time in 2 days that I have to tell all you believers in the following that there is no Santa Claus:

- that there is a cosmic force of love;
- that there is "the one" waiting for you out there somewhere;
- that you were "made for each other."
- that you have to find your "soulmate" or "twin flame."
- that love is "predestined"
- that love is "meant to be" or not "meant to be."
- that attraction is more than just a biological response.

This is all Cinderella bulls**t.

Love works when:

- you find someone (not "THE one") with whom you share "chemistry" ... a purely biological phenomenon; and
- you share (or grow to share) common interests, goals and ideals; and
- you work to take care of the relationship, your partner and yourself (in that order); and
- you work to correct your faults and accept your partner's faults; and
- when things are rocky, as they WILL be from time to time, you focus on your COMMITMENT to make it work and don't give up easily.

I highlighted in bold some of the inconsistencies in your post.

Carl.

[Cain]

This has been discussed before.

The only unconditional love that exists is between parent and child.

[doppelgaenger]

a purely biological phenomenon

This is not true. Biology is a practice of observing things in a particular way. Love is just a phenomenon. It can be observed biologically, anthropologically, hypothetically, philosophically, artistically, religiously, and many other ways.

[carl1222]

This is not true. Biology is a practice of observing things in a particular way. Love is just a phenomenon. It can be observed biologically, anthropologically, hypothetically, philosophically, artistically, religiously, and many other ways.

True, doppel ... but i was talking about "chemistry", not love. Love IS a complex phenomenon ... "chemistry" is a purely biological response (emotional feeling) to sexual attraction plus a bunch of other innate and learned preferences. All I know is that romantic love is pretty much impossible without it.

Carl.

[doppelgaenger]

Chemistry (love chemistry) is very complex as well, and not just biological. If anything it is more abstract than concrete, meaning it's far from biological.

[carl1222]

Chemistry (love chemistry) is very complex as well, and not just biological. If anything it is more abstract than concrete, meaning it's far from biological.

What part of love chemistry doesn't involve developing pain/pleasure receptors on a cellular level in response to hormonal triggers from the primative brain?

But thanks, you did give me one more item to add to my "Cinderella" list.

Carl.

[misombra]

you say you would've given your life for her but you wouldn't even rent a place with her.

anyway it seems like she's on the hunt for somebody to marry her right away. some peoples are like that.

also she's dating your friend now? damn. she's workin the crowd.

[slowpork]

love chemistry = brain + soul

[carl1222]

you say you would've given your life for her but you wouldn't even rent a place with her.

anyway it seems like she's on the hunt for somebody to marry her right away. some peoples are like that.

also she's dating your friend now? damn. she's workin the crowd.

Yeah, I noticed that inconsistency too.

[misombra]

no you didn't.

[Cbrider]

There is no fate, there is no destiny, just choices you make or don't make.

A persons life is what they make of it. Sure there are tragedies and accidents, but its how you react and overcome these things that will determine the outcome on judgment day so to speak.

The people who never give up and settle for nothing less than what they deserve are the people that truly live the "dream life."

You decide the meaning of your life, no person can or will give your life meaning. You answer to only one person, yourself, NO ONE else.

[carl1222]

no you didn't.

They were both part of the bold. Misombra.

[doppelgaenger]

What part of love chemistry doesn't involve developing pain/pleasure receptors on a cellular level in response to hormonal triggers from the primative brain?

But thanks, you did give me one more item to add to my "Cinderella" list.

Carl.

Don't be an ignorant cocksuck. My point is that biology is just one way to explain 'chemistry'. Biology a language of scientific observation. It is not a type of phenomenon that occurs. A phenomenon is a phenomenon. In other words, if you can dismiss the pain/pleasure receptor crap for a second, these things are equally psychological as they are biological.

The fact that you dismiss other interpretations of these things just makes you look like a dweeb. I just can't get the image out of my head of you trying to woo some babe with your scientific crap.

"Ohhhh, adrenaline is flowing through my circulatory system as I arouse you with my pleasure-receptor-covered fingertips. What's that? The neurons in my nervous system just delivered a message to my brain... your body language suggests that you are ready to receive my flagella sporting microorganisms carrying my deoxyribonucleic acid"

[carl1222]

Don't be an ignorant cocksuck. My point is that biology is just one way to explain 'chemistry'. Biology a language of scientific observation. It is not a type of phenomenon that occurs. A phenomenon is a phenomenon. In other words, if you can dismiss the pain/pleasure receptor crap for a second, these things are equally psychological as they are biological.

The fact that you dismiss other interpretations of these things just makes you look like a dweeb. I just can't get the image out of my head of you trying to woo some babe with your scientific crap.

"Ohhhh, adrenaline is flowing through my circulatory system as I arouse you with my pleasure-receptor-covered fingertips. What's that? The neurons in my nervous system just delivered a message to my brain... your body language suggests that you are ready to receive my flagella sporting microorganisms carrying my deoxyribonucleic acid"

Thanks for the nice reply, dopple.

We've gone far afield, of course, from my original point that what we call "chemistry" is a necessary component of romantic love for most people, and represents a largely physical response. If you want to believe and express that "chemistry" is some metaphysical and transcendental quality, that's your privilege. I actually agree that there is a psychological component to it for sure. If I want to disagree with you (as opposed to dismiss as you suggested) that's my privilege. I added it to the "Cinderella list" as one more belief ... that strong attraction, without more, somehow means you are right for each other. Why all the passion on this point?

At least I disagreed with a level of civility and respect.

Carl.