I annoyed him - Please advise

[andora]

I don’t know what am gonna do because how can he say all those hurtful things with such contempt and even hurt me physically and then apologize and beg me not to take what he said seriously, how genuine is he being? I don’t know and for now, the last person I wanna see is him but he’s been so nice, calling me at work to ask how am doing. I am being very polite but emotionally am not well. I brought my laptop to the IT guy at my work place and it’s been fixed, yay!

[Junket]

Are you suggesting you said nothing to hurt his feelings?

He's apologized, but have you?

[andora]

Frasbee......I wish he could read your post….lol, it is very funny. But I will make sure that it is not going to happen again, no more starting fights, I have promised myself, I will find a better way of resolving issues, fighting physically won’t be on the list!

[Junket]

You didn't really answer my question, but whatever.

I see room for improvement and growth here for both of you, but it will not be a simple matter of "I won't do (X), again!"

Rather you need to find more productive, methodical means to deal with your issues. This goes for you both.

You shouldn't be the only one to bring up issues, and neither should he. You need to reach an equal comfort level. Not to say this will solve your issues with each other, but it will make easier to deal with the stupid small stuff so you can save your yelling energy for something more worthwhile like, you crashing his car into your house, or when he comes home drunk with another woman.

[LadieNisha4u2nv]

What they need to work on is communication. Dont keep your problems bottled up inside. If you do so, then you will explode, which is what happened here. If something bothers you, dont wait til later down the road to bring it up. Bring it up as soon as possible and get it out of the way. We all have obstacles in our relationships, but if you are willing to work together to get over them, you can be on the road to a healthy relationship.

[Mish]

I don’t know what am gonna do because how can he say all those hurtful things with such contempt and even hurt me physically and then apologize and beg me not to take what he said seriously, how genuine is he being?

I don't know. But I know that my own relationships which were longer than yours ended for much lesser reasons. Looking back at them now from the bird's eye view I sometimes ask myself why didn't I see the signs sooner, it was so obvious we weren't good together.

Mark my words, what happened will repeat, you haven't seen the last of it. You will go through all the great make up bits and then rebound back to where you were a few days ago. It's now part of your relationship cycle.

[Indignant]

why do men avoid confrontations? we have to keep so many of our feelings and emotions bottled up since they refuse to address any issues on many occasions. however when it is THEM who have a problem with females, they let us know right away and expect us to compromise and resolve on the spot.

[andora]

Ok, things are getting twisted here! I work in the health sector and my dream has always been to go and work in Africa. When I applied (before I met him), my application was denied bcuz I was just fresh from university, my boss advised me to gain more experience first. Five months ago, I was given an ok to go if I was still interested but I said no because….you guessed right! I was in love . Yesterday my boss comes to me again and tells me there is an opening in East Africa, Kenya, you wanna go? Do you think it is the right time for me to go away? Deep down, I think it is, I wanna heal from this ugly incident, my mind has already flown to Kenya but what is your opinion.

I have not shared this with my bf, am still avoiding him of course but he called me and said that he misses me so much; he is planning to change his work schedule to days from nights! What the hell???

[Indignant]

Ok, things are getting twisted here! I work in the health sector and my dream has always been to go and work in Africa. When I applied (before I met him), my application was denied bcuz I was just fresh from university, my boss advised me to gain more experience first. Five months ago, I was given an ok to go if I was still interested but I said no because….you guessed right! I was in love . Yesterday my boss comes to me again and tells me there is an opening in East Africa, Kenya, you wanna go? Do you think it is the right time for me to go away? Deep down, I think it is, I wanna heal from this ugly incident, my mind has already flown to Kenya but what is your opinion.

I have not shared this with my bf, am still avoiding him of course but he called me and said that he misses me so much; he is planning to change his work schedule to days from nights! What the hell???

you have to put your life and yourself above all else, he is nothing but a mere fragment of it. do yourself a favor, go to africa and fullfill your dreams.

[andora]

I just wanna thank you all for writing how you felt about my situation. The latest developments.....I will be leaving him to go work abroad. The fight made it so much easier for me to decide and he knows that. Infact he asked me if I would go if we hadnt fought. I realized he is not worth staying behind for. He says he is very sorry about the fight and he would have done things differently if given another chance.

I leave in a week and we have promised to keep in touch but in my head, I know that this relationship is going to end, eventually and I look forward to a brand new beginning loaded with lessons learnt from my past relationship.....the main one being improving communication skills....not starting fights!

[Gigabitch]

Wow- that was provident, wasn't it? I hope you have a great time working abroad. Sounds like an adventure!

[Mish]

Hope you'll find someone more compatible

[Indignant]

I leave in a week and we have promised to keep in touch but in my head, I know that this relationship is going to end, eventually and I look forward to a brand new beginning loaded with lessons learnt from my past relationship.....the main one being improving communication skills....not starting fights!

i think we should in fact have fights, then at least we get to hear what the other people think of us and how they'd behave in extreme situation.

[Mish]

i think we should in fact have fights, then at least we get to hear what the other people think of us and how they'd behave in extreme situation.

People in a relationship should be able to communicate what they think of each other without having a fight. Extreme situations only create damage which is hard to repair.

[Indignant]

People in a relationship should be able to communicate what they think of each other without having a fight. Extreme situations only create damage which is hard to repair.

that's completely true....in a fantasy world