How do I get over being insecure?

[jadelil25]

I really need your help on this please.

I am feeling very insecure and depressed at the moment and im scared that im going to push my boyfriend away.

I realise that I have a problem and I have been to the doctors and im waiting to get professional help.

Apart from this, what else can I do to get over being insecure?

I keep freaking and panicin on my boyfriend if he seems distant or does not reply to me, will this behaviour push him away? Would it push you away, even if the partner is getting help and realises there is a problem?

I was abused in the past by a family friend, it took me a long time to get out of it because I was scared and was worried what people would think of me because I was 18. I never spoke to anyone about this and let it get to me.

I also had a bad ending to my last relationship and have got hurt by other people that I have got close to.

I really care about my boyfriend, I like to put his needs 1st, like to know that he is ok and want to make him happy.

The things is I just want a bit of extra support at the moment from people I care about. Is that asking to much? Would that scare you/annoy you/push you away?

I have only been with my current boyfriend for two months, we met online and he has been great to my face. I have spoken to him and he comes across as caring and wanting to listen. He says that he wants to be there for me, that he cares about me a lot etc. I feel that I have put to much on him early in the relationship. Im also worried because ive noticed that his profile on the dating site is still hidden but he has been going on there again recently, quite a lot.

I really need your ideas on what else I can do to get over this. Thank you.

[Gigabitch]

You seems to be ashamed of yourself. The first step is to understand that insecurity is not necessarily some kind of character flaw or personal weakness, but a natural reaction to bad circumstances. Then you need to provide yourself with the kind of circumstances that foster feelings of safety and confidence. Having a boyfriend you're unsure of doesn't sound like a good circumstance for you right now.

Does he know any of the things that are causing you to feel insecure? The abuse? The bad ex-boyfriend? Does he seem kind and caring about these things, or is this just some stuff he doesn't want to hear about? If he's not interested in helping you trust him, he might not be the right guy for you. You're damaged and you need someone very gentle.

[Gonz]

You are doing fine at being open about your problems to people who can help you on that issues. And trust me, you would not attract anything better in your life until you resolve this issue that you have. It looks like you havent talked to your boyfriend about this issue. This is extremely important since he should support you on this. And trust me, you should be ashamed of this. You should be proud of yourself sinve there are few people who has the courage to talk about it; and by talking about it, seeking help, etc you would start to control it and get over it. It is completely normal that a person who has suffered what you did feels insecure. However, it is not an excuse. You should do your best to get over it, because life keeps going. If you want a great life and get over that fear and insecure, you should confront this issue for the best.
I'll give you a little tip. I used to have worthiness and insecure issues in my life. Until I decide it to confront it and finally get over them, everything in my life were about felling insecure and that I didnt deserve what I wanted. I decided to give a personal coach a try. I found a coach that helped me through these problems. As of today, those feelings have disappeared and I have everything I desire. It took work and effort, but It was one of the best decisions I have ever taken. These people are prepared to guide you,support you, and follow through with you and give the best tools to get over the probs you have.
This my be a good help for you. My coach name is Arash Vossoughi. He is excellent and would be more than willing to help you. You can even have a free consultation with him. You can find him online.
I hope this helps you. I just want to share this with everyone since I was so grateful to have this chance to change, and I hope the same for everyone.

The best.

[Anomaly]

I think that if you are just honest with him then everything will be ok. If he truly cares about you, he will stick by you no matter what problems you are going through. And if he doesn't stick by you, then it means that he doesn't care and therefore he isn't worth your time, and you can definitely find somebody better. You deserve somebody who will be loyal, and if he's just looking for an excuse to run away, he will no matter what you do. So just be honest, and be yourself and I'm sure that he will appreciate that. Let him accept you for who you really are, not for who you pretend to be. If he cares for you unconditionally, then he will want to help you get through your problems. And if he doesn't, then dont waste your time with him.

[Gigabitch]

Jadelil, you guys are long-distance, right? That might be half the problem. Those relationships are almost impossible even for people who are super confident.

Don't let it ruin your life, okay?

[Anomaly]

Yeah, I have been in some long distance relationships. And speaking from experience, its really hard from the get-go, even if you get along great. Add some tension and the situation becomes almost impossible. I wish you all the best, just remember to always be honest and let him accept you for who you are.