advice/help appreciated

[newb14]

Hey everyone. Didn’t think I’d end up doing this, but this has been bugging me for quite some time now. Plus its been really hurting our relationship, so I’m desperate enough to have my privacy invaded.

I’ve been going out with my girlfriend for over a year now, and I love her. We spend almost every free moment we have with each other. However, there has been issues with the sexual side of the relationship…don’t know if this is due to me, her, or a combo.

First off, I cant seem to get over her past. She was a virgin when I met her (and I was her first sex). However, I feel like she was slutty in the past. Now, I don’t mean that she was slutty in the sense that she was ****ing everyone, but slutty in other ways.

First of all, she had an ex-boyfriend who she dated for 5 years. She CHEATED on him not once, or twice…but 5 times! Her excuse is that she only did it “to get back at him for cheating on me.”

Second of all, during her last 2 years of college, she started to party a lot. She wasn’t dating her boyfriend anymore, but says she hooked up with about 15 guys. Now, all of you know, if a girl says 15 guys, its closer to at least 20 if not more. She says they would only make out.

Also, she admitted to making out with girls a few times at parties. However, one thing that really got to me is that she admitted to making out with a girl, not at a party but for experimenting! Usually girls who make out at a party do it for the attention of the surrounding guys. However, that one time she did it just to see what it was like.

For all you people who say she’s not a slut, I don’t mean it in the strictest sense. I am Asian, and for all you Asians out there, you understand. There are different standards out there. Even though she didn’t have sex, she was making out a lot, AND cheated MULTIPLE times on her ex-boyfriend. Plus, her personality is very flirtatious with other guys – something I can’t stand sometimes.

My girlfriend has a perception amongst my friends – she is the “party girl” and the girl that gets crazy and fun. If you saw how she interacted (all flirty), you would think that her boyfriend was getting amazing sex whenever he wanted. This couldn’t be further from the truth.

While she has a certain reputation, I’m stuck with a girlfriend that is hardly in the mood to have sex. We’ve had many fights about this. I love sex, and I want it pretty much every day. She wants it much less. I don’t know if its something I’m not doing to satisfy her (she says that’s not true when I ask her…don’t know if I believe her) or shes just not interested. BUT WHAT REALLY SUCKS about all this is that while she has that party girl perception and stereotype, I’M NOT EVEN GETTING AS MUCH SEX AS I WANT!

Sigh, maybe I have my insecurities. Maybe I have my jealousy issues. Maybe I’m not satisfying her enough sexually. Maybe I’m not flexible enough. Who knows? I just don’t know what to do anymore. I’m happy with everything else with the girl but I think we are just sexually incompatible. Also, I am haunted by her past.

I would appreciate any comments that any of you make. Please help me out. Thank you.

[newb14]

anyone..please help?

[devilsfangs]

You never indicated whether she was in love with you or not, nor if she was asian or not. If she is not asian I would pass this on: I have been in a mixed relationship for greater than 30 years (she's Iranian and I am just plain ole american) and I can tell you that while the love may be strong, cultural differences will always be there, are you prepared to let her be herself or is there a need for comformity in your life? One other thing about cultural differences is the role that men and women play.

As far as the sex goes, please realize that she has had a long time developing some way of satisfying her needs and even though sex has occurred between the two of you, how much do you really know about her sexual needs and "how" has she been satisfying them. I would suggest asking her what really turns her on, is there anything you can do that you don't do that she would enjoy doing or thinks maybe you wouldn't do (cultural thing again), maybe being the center of attraction is what is appealing to her, who knows. Any way I can say from experience that having a balance in your sex life with your partner is very, very important. If you do not, soon or later the need will overcome the love and turn to hurt and anger. Talk to her about her needs and yours, it's better to understand sooner than later.

[Gigabitch]

Wow. You got the opposite of the perfect girl. Yours is a lady in the bedroom and a whore on the street.

[carl1222]

Wow. You got the opposite of the perfect girl. Yours is a lady in the bedroom and a whore on the street.

Still laughing, Giga.

[lilmama615]

Wow. You got the opposite of the perfect girl. Yours is a lady in the bedroom and a whore on the street.

LOL!

Oh man. Hey, I'm asian and I'm in an interracial relationship. I feel like you need to talk to your girl more and dig deeper. Even though you have said that she said it's not you. It has to be something if she is a freak otherwise but not with you. Are you sure she was a virgin and lost it to you? It seems like you need to talk to her and see what the issue really is.

[belovedpilot]

what she's had done in her past doesn't have to influence the future.
A lot of people have done strange and unbelievable things in there young years....
But you learn and grow up from that..