will he change his mind?

[Susan]

hello. me and my boyfriend of 1 year just split up a week ago. everything had been going really well and we have only had one realy argument.

when we first got together he asked me did i want kids. at the time i didnt, so i told him this. it was never mentioned again so id forgotten all about it. anyway, a few weeks ago his gran passed away. he found it very hard and i tried my best to be there for him. Just after she died his family then decided to live with his grandad.

May i just point out at this stage that me and my ex work together although he lives quite a distance away so we dont see a lot of each other outside of work. this became even less after his gran passed away. we were seeing each other just a wednesday night and a sunday. he had mentioned once or twice that his mum was giving him a but of a hard time about not spending enough time at home with the family, although the only time he wasnt at home was when he was at work or the wed night and sunday that he was with me. And lately on a sunday he was only with me for a few hours then going home early. So he really was at home quite a lot.

But anyway, last saturday we had plans to take my nephew out for the day. My ex phoned me on the thursday before and said that he had a bit of an argument with his mum about being away from home. he then said that he wouldnt be seeing me on saturday, he would be spending the day at home instead. i got quite angry with him for cancelling plans with me and it turned into a bit of an argument. One thing lead to another and we started talking about where we seen the relationship going and he brought up the fact that i didnt want kids and he did. when i said my feelings had changed about that he didnt believe me and thought i was just saying that to keep him happy. I tried to reassure him that wasnt the case but it didnt seem to work. He started talking about how his family would always come before me and he was feeling under pressure. i started to get really upset and worried because i really did not want the relationship to end. he reassured me though that everything was going to be ok.

The next day we were speaking on the phone after work and he ended it then. he said he was feeling under too much pressure and that something needed to give and that it had to be me. he basically said he was doing it because of his family. i took it really really bad. kept phoning him and txting him which i know i shudnt have done. he kept telling me that it was for the best.

ive since learnt that his mum is having a really hard time at the min and he also is having a hard time as he feels hes not doing enough to help her. weve been speaking a wee bit in work and he has told me that we wont be getting back together and that he is happier now and this is the way he wants things. although he has told a mutual work friend that the break up is killing him and that everytime he sees me he just wants to hug me and tell me everything is going to be ok. our friend says that he is just putting on a front in work and that he is not ruling out the idea of us getting back together. I just dont know what to think. He told me just tonight that he is ok and that he's not finding it as hard as me but that he understands how i feel. i just dont know what is going on.

im sorry this is so long, just wanted everyone to know the full story in the hope that you can help me. This whole thing has just left me devastated. All i want is him back. Love him so much.

[lesa]

I went through something very similar. Leave him alone and live your life as you desire it. It's only been a week and contacting him will NOT help your situation.

Also think to yourself: do you really want to marry this guy and start a family soon? It seems like he does. He wants to move on to the next phase of the relationship just like my ex did. You may love him, but he doesn't want just a girlfriend anymore. If you start a relationship again with him be prepare to move to wife material--not girlfriend material. If you are seriously not compatible then please don't waste his time despite how you feel.

Keep the good memories and move on.

[Cbrider]

Its possible that he will change his mind.

The good part is you guys didn't break up because of fighting or generally butting of heads.

Either way, you need to move on and better your life. You want to grab his attention? The best way is to make yourself look better to him in whatever ways you can.

I found that I just channeled my frustration and anger into working out after i broke up, it was just what I naturally did I guess. I got bigger, stronger and faster and I only did it as a stress outlet.

It was a double edged sword, I relieved my frustrations and I got my body in shape.

Focus on YOU not him.

[The_bobb]

Hi, i'm having something similar going on. Altho, your situation sounds a little more along then mine. It's POSSIBLE that he's looking for wife material.
But if i had to strike a guess? I'd say, he's tired of the long distance relationship. And he's using this family thing as an excuse to break things off, WHILE keeping you on good terms with him.

My advice to you... Go out, have fun. Do things you wanna do. Give him his space, if it's REALLY the pressure and not some lame excuse to dump you. He'll call you back. But that doesn't mean you should be sitting at home waiting for him to call you. He might not...

As i said, this is just my opinion... Hope it helps.