First love is so messy

[harry2009]

I am 19 years old, in college. I love this girl that I have known for like 2 years now. I recently started taking more interest into her, and have built up a strong relationship. She also gave into it.

Ok so here is the dilemma

Now the problem is she likes me as it is, but she cant get her ex boyfriend out of her head. Her ex lives in a far far off place from where we are right now. They both had a relationship for a little over an year. Part of it being a long distance relationship. She recently (6-months) ago broke up with this far far off guy. She did not really break up, but her family made her do it. They said she was getting too involved with it. So she decided it would be better if she just broke up. Which she did. And got her ex to get into another relationship. Her ex did not go for it in the beginning but he did get another girlfriend like 3 months after they broke up. She was fine with it, and she did not even think about it much. Until he called her on her birthday. So they were like back to step 1.

Currently after breaking up she extensively talks to him, even in a demanding way. They both agree on the fact that it will never be the same as it was before, yet she will not move on.

Last weekend we kissed for quite a bit of time, and i like felt really good about it. Thinking that finally getting past that and time to move on. But... When i asked her 2 days later that what ever it was was it really for me?? she replied ask questions that will hurt you. So i stressed on it, and she said that she really did wanted to be with me at that time, but in the back of the mind she was still wishing it was her ex.

Now I am like completely lost in what I am supposed to do. She keeps asking me to back off, cause she is just being unfair to me. But i CANT BACK OFF. That is like the lastest thing I would be wanting to do. I mean i get really jealous and depressed every time she mentions her ex boyfriend, but then i accept the fact that she is having a hard tiem forgetting him. So I dont like it when she mentions him, but at the same time I dont know how to approch the entire situation. I really love her and I dont want to let her go.

For valentines day I am planning on giving her a stuffed dog that she really likes, and a hand made card saying "I will always be here if you ever need me" But if i come to think of it i dont even know if it is a good idea to give that to her.

I am really lost.. any kind of solution would help, please find me a solution. Dont ask me to let her go that I am not buying.

[empress_orchid]

that is kinda hard. she is still infatuated with her ex. first of all, you have the right to demand that she won't contact her ex anymore. tell her its not good to her and your relationship.

my advice is you should stop go crazy for her for a little while. if this go right, she will notice her feelings for you (if she have it) is more precious than her ex.

if not go so well, you should think this through. if this jealousy you feel is worth it, then maybe you should hold on a little while longer untill she forget her ex (she must stop keeping contact with her ex!). she gotta move on, she knew it, but she doesn't want to.

thats my advice. hope it works!

[harry2009]

Yeah i currently am going crazy for her, and she does notice my feelings. But... she just cant forget her ex. I dont know if i should be demanding and ask her to stop talking to her ex...

[empress_orchid]

i think you should tell her to stop. you have the rights to do it. well, she already told you to back off so maybe she still needs time.

my advice is, still, stop going crazy for her for a little while. take time to think (both of you). you should think if all is worth it. its a cruel love if someone you love doesn't love you back.

tell her 'just stop thinking about past relationships or you're gonna crush your future relationships'. if she want to move on, then she will be with you. but like i said, she needs time to think.

[harry2009]

yeah i find the cruel part to be very fitting right now. Its not like she doesnt love me, but at the same time she cant stop thinking about her past relationship. Like i feel almost anything I do she compares it with her ex...

Also when she does talk to her ex, he asks her to get going and move on. There is no way they are getting back together, but I dont know why she cant think otherwise for somereason...

Why do you say stop going crazy?? I dont get that part..

[empress_orchid]

if you stop going crazy for her, she will not be so arrogant to you. girls will think 'ooh, he really needs me. his life is nothing without me. then he should just wait for me.' that kind of idea is what make her don't want to move on. i have this kind of idea too when some boy really likes me.

you should just cool down and think. thats it.

[Cain]

i think you should tell her to stop. you have the rights to do it. well, she already told you to back off so maybe she still needs time.

my advice is, still, stop going crazy for her for a little while. take time to think (both of you). you should think if all is worth it. its a cruel love if someone you love doesn't love you back.

tell her 'just stop thinking about past relationships or you're gonna crush your future relationships'. if she want to move on, then she will be with you. but like i said, she needs time to think.

How in the hell does he have the right to tell her who she can and can not speak to? They aren't in a relationship.

[harry2009]

How in the hell does he have the right to tell her who she can and can not speak to? They aren't in a relationship.

yeah i wont be able to demand for stuff.

[meh28]

ok heres what happening. she had no closure with this boy because she didnt leave him of her own free will, she was pressured into it. hence, he is now her life's big "what if".

on the one hand you can thank her for honesty, however, this isnt boding well for you.

as much as it sucks, she is crazy about this guy and her knowing that your crazy about her just makes her feel guilty, on top of feeling confused and heart broken. because im sure she knows that she should want to be with you but she cant force herself to feel it, trust me its the most guilt-ridding feeling.

what you need to do ( in my humble opinion) is, as hard as it will be, is back off for a while. tell her your giving her some space, your "taking a break". perhaps she may see this far off boy and realise it wont work and get it out of her system and realise what she had with you. but shes not going to see what shes missing if your constantly there. know what i mean?

ps yes you cannot "forbid" her from talking to him, its just gona make her indignant and talk to him more.

[harry2009]

ok heres what happening. she had no closure with this boy because she didnt leave him of her own free will, she was pressured into it. hence, he is now her life's big "what if".

on the one hand you can thank her for honesty, however, this isnt boding well for you.

as much as it sucks, she is crazy about this guy and her knowing that your crazy about her just makes her feel guilty, on top of feeling confused and heart broken. because im sure she knows that she should want to be with you but she cant force herself to feel it, trust me its the most guilt-ridding feeling.

what you need to do ( in my humble opinion) is, as hard as it will be, is back off for a while. tell her your giving her some space, your "taking a break". perhaps she may see this far off boy and realise it wont work and get it out of her system and realise what she had with you. but shes not going to see what shes missing if your constantly there. know what i mean?

ps yes you cannot "forbid" her from talking to him, its just gona make her indignant and talk to him more.

Thank You!!

I got several replies regarding the same thing. I will have to give it a try.

Thank You once again.