My girlfriend has feelings for another guy

[Dani Pani]

Hello everyone, thanks for reading my post. I'm in grave need of help. Maybe you can help.


Here it is, the situation.

My girlfriend says that she has feelings for this other guy and she doesnt know what to do with them since she doesn't want to leave me cuz she has feelings for me too.

I can't stand it. Makes me emorage.

She and I were living togeather for like 5 months or something and now last week she left to go home to her own country her own home, to live with her parents again.

She was with me through her whole internship and when it ended she went home.

'That guy's' profile
She began to hang with him through the internet and it got me worried cuz of the vast amounts of time they spent togeather.

It continued for a few months and then he came to visit my apartment where we lived (1 room - 3 ppl - 2 weeks). This got me annoyed cuz here I got to know his true character an asshole to me kind to her. I was assured by her so many times that nothing was going on.

Now she is at home and they bought him another planeticket for him to come visit her again. At this stage I have gotten information from her that she likes him alot.

Triangle drama
Me 28yo, she 20yo and he 18yo. She says we have different qualities that makes her like us. But yet we are so different that we can't get along at all.

The thing is. I don't want to give up. She is very special to me. But how do I make her fall out of love with him? Should I forbid her to have anything to do with him? Should I just let it play out? Should I break up cuz of this being a too painful situation to handle?

I seem to get myself in alot of trouble in my relationships. Always situation of self torture. I guess it is because I 'let' things happen.

How do I stop this? Seriously. My painthreshold was reached a thousand miles ago. Help please.

Thanks for checking in and reading my post.

[vashti]

You can't make her fall out of love with him.

I can't believe you allowed him to come and stay in your home. You need to grow a backbone, my friend. Only people with no backbone are disrespected this way by their girlfriends. Why are you allowing her to date other people?

If I were you, I would tell her the party is over. She needs to pack her stuff and get out immediately, because you aren't wasting your time with a girl who is running around dating while you sit in a corner and cry.

BTW - if you were dating a girl who was more age-appropriate, you might not have this problem. The fact that she is interested in an 18 year old kid tells me she is on the immature side. Can't you do better?

[Dani Pani]

The thing is I didnt like the idea of him visiting and she assured me at that point that they were just friends and that there were nothing going on between them. Same thing when he arrived. She kept reashuring me. It's not that she lied to me. I belive that she was honest and that her feelings came after hand. I admit that I had no backbone. When I said that I did't like the situation and that I didn't like him she said that I couldnt prevent her to have friends. I agreed. And now here I am.

I did put alot of boundries so I guess I have some outgrowth resembling a backbone but obviously not enough. Who am I to tell her that she isnt allowed to have friends?

I know you can't make someone fall out of love. But how do I handle the situation?

[misombra]

she's too young for you. find somebody your own age.

[Dani Pani]

Any person can get confused and tangled up in hard to handle feelings. I don't think it's 100% age related. Please prove it to me if you can.

[vashti]

There is no solution to your problem that doesn't involve you having to set boundaries. You didn't want this guy in your house, but she brought him anyway. This means she doesn't care about you or your feelings. She has no respect for you. Even if this relationship were to work out and she ends up staying with you (which I doubt), she will continue to behave this way because she doesn't respect you.

I already told you what *I* would do, but I suspect you won't. Instead, you are going to allow her to stay in hopes you will win; that she will see how patient and loving and kind you have been, and will reward you for your loyalty by giving you her undivided loyalty and love. She won't, though. She will continue to use you. (She can't afford to live on her own, can she?) At some point she will leave for another guy that she respects, and you will see that I was right.

[misombra]

18 year old people want to be free. they don't want to be tied down by some older man who couldn't get a woman his own age.

[Dani Pani]

These are rough times both for her and for me. Are you saying she wont learn from her misstakes?

[misombra]

yeah, she's gonna learn not to tie herself down with one guy right now because she's liking other guys.

[Dani Pani]

There is no solution to your problem that doesn't involve you having to set boundaries. You didn't want this guy in your house, but she brought him anyway. This means she doesn't care about you or your feelings. She has no respect for you. Even if this relationship were to work out and she ends up staying with you (which I doubt), she will continue to behave this way because she doesn't respect you.

I already told you what *I* would do, but I suspect you won't. Instead, you are going to allow her to stay in hopes you will win; that she will see how patient and loving and kind you have been, and will reward you for your loyalty by giving you her undivided loyalty and love. She won't, though. She will continue to use you. (She can't afford to live on her own, can she?) At some point she will leave for another guy that she respects, and you will see that I was right.

She lives with her parents now in another country cuz her internship is over.

[vashti]

Well then, what's the point of this thread? It's already over.

[Cain]

No offense, but I have no idea why you let this guy stay at your place for two weeks.

The relationship is over. She's back in her home country and she's going to eventually realize that she wants to mess around with other guys. Save yourself the hassle and end it first.

[Dani Pani]

Erhm.. It isnt over yet. Im trying to keep this running. I know its hard to understand but I want to find a way to not feel like crap. Does she have to end her friendship with him for it to work?

[Illusional]

you should kick his ass!!! and then bitch slap her for being so dumb!!!

honestly, you're shit out of luck because you lost your girl and you didn't do anything about it.

raverboy

[Dani Pani]

Very supporting.