Preparing for a big weekend (labor day weekend)

[BillyGalbreath]

ah hell no - threesomes are horrible - been there, done that, got pictures, didnt like it... never again.

[blue]

i agree three somes do suck! i have been in three the first was a dissaster, 2nd one we took pictures 3rd one i left my b/f with the other girl cuz i just wasnt into it.

[BillyGalbreath]

***UPDATE***

Well, here I am again. Being an idiot. But this time I have my walls up. This time I wont get hurt. I can see it comming. I am expecting it.

I've been talking with Elena still, even tho she doesn her little drugs and such.. I can't cut ties with a friend because of that. A relationship, yes. friendship, no. So, we are talking alot. Mostly on the phone. She didn't come over yesterday, but she called me to make sure I was still going to record a Kittie Documentary to DVD for her. But then I could tell she didnt want to get off the phone with me. She started to ask me how my day was. And what my plans were for the night, etc etc. Nothing major. Small talk i guess. This was after work and I had to cut her off because i had to go into the daycare to get my son. So the convo ended on a good note. She and I both were smiling and laughing. Good times.

Ok, so I forgot to record the DVD for her, but no worries, she called me today to see if I would take her to school during my lunch hour cause she overslept and missed the bus. Yes, she is in High school still.. She is 18 and a Senior, so no worries there. I told her I would, and I did. We talked alot about nothings along the way, and she could not stop smiling. It made me smile alot too, just to see her smile. Weird, i know. Ok, so she still wants to go to the beach party with me... So I told her she could. And then when she gets out of my truck at the school she bends over the middle thingie and kisses me. Nothing major, just a small little peck. Ok.. so it was a 3 second peck. Then she slowly backed off and just looked into my eyes for a few seconds with a big smile. A "I'm so horny smile" that I havent seen in awhile...

Ok... so she goes off to school and I come back to work.. Thinking the whole way. Why all of a sudden does she want to get so close to me ? Is it because I actually stood up for myself (something I never have done before) and backed off of her and lost interest ? Maybe she thinks I am playing hard to get ? idk what it is.

And ultimately I am going against everyone's judgement except my own. My dad doesn't like her because she is in an alternative school getting her GED, and she has alot of piercings and a few tats. My friends dont like her because they think she is just using me. I know she does all kinds of hardcore drugs.. And she is hispanic on top of everything else. My entire family hates that factor.

Her last relationship lasted 2 years. It was a white guy, much like the guy I used to be. But he still is that kind of guy. She left him because of that. This was like 2 months ago - before she and I ever met. I was introduced to her a few weeks after it happened tho, and I saw the pain it was causing her. The kind of pain I felt. So I know she was truely in love. So I know she CAN be faithful and careing and truely love.

Her family is alot like mine. Strict. Respectful. Nice. Everything a normal good family should be. She is the "blacksheep". fell into drugs, hard rock, piercings, etc etc. I fell down that path before, and I have gotten myself out. I look at her and I can see deep down inside, she wants out too. I want to help her.

Today she told me she took some tranquilizers or some shit last night, and that she hated it. It opened her eyes to what she was doing. She said she wants to quit all drugs. She wants to get her act together, get her GED and go to college. Alas - the famous words I have heard many times before from my ex. "I want to get my act together, get my GED, and go to college." That was a lie to get me to shut up. Is Elena also lieing to me so that I keep being nice to her ? Or is she sincere, and is basically crying out to me for help.

I am a bad judge at situations such as this. I have a flaw. I give people the benifit of the doubt until they **** me over once. So.. like the last woman that told me this - i am giving her the benifit of the doubt. And I am going to put my all into helping her out.

This is most probably going to cause major problems between me and my father again. And I might end up getting kicked out because of it. But I am putting my life on hold to help a friend and potential partner. Thats my style. I've always been like this. And I've been ****ed over alot. But those times that do actually work out are the ones that make all the **** overs meaningless. I am here to help other find themselves and get back on track. I've done it many times. I know what its like to be down the wrong path. It is extremely hard to get back on your own. Damed near impossible. I am sure that I would have died this last time I was down if it wasnt for my Dad helping me out.

Now I am in a place where I live for the very moment again. I dont make plans. I wing it. I go with the flow of things, and I better them when the chance comes. It is my purpose. It is my fate. My duty.

So, Elena is still close to me - and I wont try to make her closer, but I will let things play out as meant to be. I will take her to the beach party with me, and things will happen for the moment, at that moment. I wont plan, I wont hope, I wont pray. I will not set myself up for failure. I am here to live out my life to its fullest. I want people to remember me as someone that did wonderful things for others. I want people to remember me as their friend. I want people to remember me not as a selfish guy, but as a caring and loving guy that would do anything for anybody. I want people to look back upon my life, and not be able to say bad things about me. I want people who hear my name to smile automatically. I want to live and let live.

Monkeys on a branch, remember ? This time I have one hand on the branch I am on now, and the other hand reaching back to lift elena up to higher branches. She will be saved. One way or another I will help her. She needs this here and now. And I am the only one that will do it. Again, I am at it. This time I will not fail, and I will not get hurt in the process.

[sfalexi]

Know what I'm thinking Billy?

What's the obsession with looking for a "relationship". Bro. You're 20. Hell, have fun with this girl. I need to change that too. We're looking at girls saying, "Oh. I don't know if this is the girl I want to spend my longterm life with." When we should REALLY be saying, "We're young. Let's find a girl, have fun, and if something happens, it happens."

Bro, at this point, go out with her, have fun. She wants to do drugs, that's her perogative. You can try to steer her the right way, but if she won't go, then leave her. At least you had some fun.

Rod Steele

[BillyGalbreath]

Fun is over. Weekend is over. Everything is over.

***UPDATE***

Nick has been avoiding me at all costs.. I dont know why, but I just let it go. All my other friends one by one are fading quickly. Well, they were fading quickly. At this point in time of me writing this, I have no friends. Again.

Today I picked up my little bro to play baseball. We decided to wash the truck first, so we did. Spent about 2 hours washing, cleaning, and detailing it. Turned out very nice actually. Then as I started to go get my other bro to play baseball Elena called me. Since she is a chick and isnt into playing sports I kinda rushed the convo saying "Well, I am about to go play baseball, so if you want to go I'll pick you up, if not I'll talk to you later." She asked me to go pick her up. So I got my two bros and then got her.

We played baseball as Elena just sat over on the bleachers and watched. About 2 hours later I got pretty tired so went over and sat down on the bleachers too - I was close.. but not too close. Another person could have sit comfortably inbetween us. Well, my two bros came and sat also. We all started chit chattin about nothing, and out of nowhere Elena got up the nerve to say "How come you are never wrong ?" I just looked at her all funny. Then shes goes on "You act like you are better than everyone." Out of anger I said, "Thats because I am, and if you dont like it, stop calling me." The two of us never said another word to each other. About 15 minutes later I took the guys to go get drinks, then we took Elena home. I said goodbye to her, but she didnt even look in my direction.

As we left I said outloud "what the **** crawled up her ass?" and Brandon said "She is upset because you smarted off to her when she tried to put you in your place." I then said "No one 'puts me in my place'. No one tells me what to do, or what to say. If someone is going to get an attitude with me I am going to get an attitude right back." He then looks at me and jokingly says, "Well, fine then !" all sarcastic like. We all laughed.

I then took Joey home, and me and Brandon went back to my dads (our home). On the drive home I realized maybe she is right. Maybe thats why I dont have any friends. Maybe I am just supposed to act stupid and not be the leader of the group and just do as everyone says. Maybe then I will have friends.

But alas. **** IT ALL !

I dont need friends. I am happy where I am and with who I am. And thats all that matters to me.

All in all --- the beach party has been canceled. I decided not to get a tattoo. And I have lost all my friends, yet again. Thats about it.

***********

On a better note: I might be switching jobs coming up soon. I was offered a better job at a different company doing LESS work than I am doing now for almost DOUBLE the pay. And its still in an office, which is good. I am really thinking about taking up the offer. I will update you when needed.

***END UPDATE***