the dreaded ex!

[sinner saint]

so just a quick question hopefully someone can shed a light on for me.....

Do you find it necessary to keep an ex girlfriend as a good friend!

My boyfriend still keeps contact with a girl he dated for nine months before we got together...in fact he kind of left her for a chance with me..we have been together for about 11 months now and have a great relationship...

But still how many other guys do this??

[Lite]

Some people (not limited to guys) are able to make the transition from lovers to friends. Many are not, and really they're just keeping the other person around as a backup.

If you feel uncomfortable about the situation and there is nothing for him to hide, then really you should be able to ask for transparency when it comes to his relationship with her. IE: When she calls or e-mails, what his responses are, blah blah blah.

If there is absolutely nothing to hide he will involve you in his relationship with her. Ask your input to questions or bits she may ask, etc.

But, it's perfectly OK for you to not feel comfortable w/ the situation.

[Cbrider]

Ex's are bad news.

Like Lite said though, if he doesn't hide anything and keeps you in the loop without having to drag it out of him its probably nothing to worry about.

[bluesummer]

My fiance is still close friends with some of his ex's. In fact, he set one of them up with one of his close friends and they ended up getting married.

He's a lot closer with his ex's than I am with mine, and it bothers me sometimes. I don't feel it's necessary to keep them close like family. An email one in awhile is okay. I just don't want to be reminded while I'm having coffee with some chick that she screwed my husband at some point.

[annoyed23]

I believe that ex's are ex's for a reason...

[Gigabitch]

Depends on the nature of the relationship. There's no reason to cut contact with exes, necessarily, but some lingering emotional attachments can cause a lot of trouble. In my experience, these are generally more on the girl's side than the guy's. He may honestly just see her as a friend and nothing more while she's still harboring a hope, keeping him on the back burner ( I wish I understood this well enough to explain it, but I don't).

So, long story short, I'd worry more about her than about him.

[sinner saint]

That is exactly what i feel!!
I know that he just views her as a friend and nothing more, due to the fact that he does include me in the things that they discuss when she calls or texts...but in all reality I do still believe that she is clinging to a fiber of hope that someday he will come back to her. But he does not seem to think that way!

Extremely frustrating!

Thanks for the imput

[Cbrider]

My fiance is still close friends with some of his ex's. In fact, he set one of them up with one of his close friends and they ended up getting married.

He's a lot closer with his ex's than I am with mine, and it bothers me sometimes. I don't feel it's necessary to keep them close like family. An email one in awhile is okay. I just don't want to be reminded while I'm having coffee with some chick that she screwed my husband at some point.

He's marrying you, so obviously you are better than they are in all categories

[RSK]

a few days ago, i really missed my ex. now i don't. just thought i'd throw that in here! lol

i have to agree with the whole transparency thing above!

[Illusional]

i'm cool with most of my ex's. but as you get older, you will loose contact with them because there isn't really a reason to talk to them unless you want to get back with them.

raverboy

[screwball789]

I'm still good friends with my ex. She actually broke up with me because she liked me too much (she thought she was getting too dependent on me and was going to get hurt). We still stayed friends, and after a little while she started hinting that she may want to get back together, but I told her I really didn't have feelings for her any more. Now everything is cool.