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Thread: Sex before a break up?

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    Sex before a break up?

    I read another post on the forum that talked about sex before being broken up with and it got me thinking.

    I slept with my ex the night before I broke up with her. When I look back, I think it was unfair to her and I do feel bad about doing it. It didn't feel emotionally pleasing because I felt like she was fading away in the relationship and I couldn't sleep that night because I realized that she had emotionally checked out and I was done fighting to keep her close.

    I guess my question is, what is morally worse and harder on a person:

    Breaking it off cleanly like i did or slowly just kind of tapering off the sex and intimacy?

    There was tapering off between us before she broke up with me the first time and I found it far more painful to live in nervousness and worry for the month prior than to just cut it all off.

    Thoughts or opinions, i'd like to hear what you guys think about it? I'd rather not hurt a girl anymore than I have to in the future.

    "What you really fear is inside yourself. You fear your own power.
    You fear your own anger, the drive to do great and terrible things."


    The Warmonger

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    I'm a 'rip the bandaid off' person myself, but unless you are a total cad, you should consider the psychological nature of your soon-to-be ex. Not everyone can be dumped cold-turkey and be okay with it. People can get really nuts, especially if they don't have good sources of support and are prone to getting very emotionally attached.

    Sorry if thats not much help, Rider. All I can add is to go with your instincts on this. You've demonstrated before you have good ones. If they tell you to wean her from the bottle a bit more slowly, then do so. Its not like you aren't already sleeping together, so don't see how 'one more for the road' really hurts so long as you aren't seeing anyone else. Just taper it off fairly aggressively but not brutally.
    Second thoughts can generally be amended with judicious action; injudicious actions can seldom be recovered with second thoughts.
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    Yeah, not really sure what to think TBH. Its the only thing left from the relationship that really haunts me. She did me wrong in more ways than one, but I am not a malicious person and I really, really don't like toying with peoples emotions or hurting people I care about.

    Its my biggest regret and I really wish I could apologize for it. She has moved on and so have I. I hope in a twisted way we can meet again down the road just so I can say sorry for how I ended it, I could have handled it better.

    It still still wake up having nightmares about it, I just want it behind me instead of just being angry about what she did to me to suppress the feeling.

    I may hate what she did to me, but I still don't want to inflict pain like that on anyone. I know it bothered her and I think her support structure was fragile at best. Shes a good soul, just lost in direction and I had to weather the storm.
    Last edited by Cbrider; 29-01-09 at 05:50 PM.

    "What you really fear is inside yourself. You fear your own power.
    You fear your own anger, the drive to do great and terrible things."


    The Warmonger

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    Sounds to me like she damaged you quite a bit, Rider. I'm sorry for that.

    In this case, I wouldn't worry about her feelings (if you are), just consider it 'tit for tat' and wipe the mental slate clean. People tend to hurt each other somewhat proportionally in bad breakup situations. But once you are split, its not your job to chivalrously protect her feelings anymore. Just be a civil human being if you can, like you would with any casual acquaintance.
    Second thoughts can generally be amended with judicious action; injudicious actions can seldom be recovered with second thoughts.
    --Cyteen by C.J.Cherryh

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    Do it. Make sure you get a boob job as well.

    Can you say creampie? Nevermind, that's probably going to far.

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    the only thing better than sex before the break up IS make up sex after you'd broken up. there aren't any strings attached.

    raverboy
    ...this is just my perspective on the situation...

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    Quote Originally Posted by Illusional View Post
    the only thing better than sex before the break up IS make up sex after you'd broken up. there aren't any strings attached.

    raverboy
    Except maybe sex with a pregnant woman you've just met... Because you don't have to worry about it being yours.
    "Well, then," the Cat went on, "you see a dog growls when it's angry, and wags its tail when it's pleased. Now I growl when I'm pleased, and wag my tail when I'm angry. Therefore I'm mad."

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    wow...i like that idea... dammit boy, you get a thanks from illusional for that one!!!

    raverboy
    ...this is just my perspective on the situation...

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    I have a question. How come the last sex before break up always ends up being the best sex the two people ever had?
    Don't cry, don't regret and don't blame
    Weak find the whip, willing find freedom
    Towards the sun, carry your name
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    Oh, I don't know about that, Mish. Sometimes it's just a confirmation that you've made the right decision.

    My ex-husband tried to get some the morning after I told him I was divorcing him. I looked at him like he had a big, green donkey dick growing out of his forehead.
    Spammer Spanker

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    Quote Originally Posted by Mishanya View Post
    I have a question. How come the last sex before break up always ends up being the best sex the two people ever had?
    I CLEARLY messed up somewhere during my break up apparently - lol.

    "What you really fear is inside yourself. You fear your own power.
    You fear your own anger, the drive to do great and terrible things."


    The Warmonger

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    Having sex with someone and breaking off after it is just messed up.

    I'd favor tapering, but maybe that's because I'd have trouble being intimate with someone when the relationship is going steeply downhill.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Mishanya View Post
    I have a question. How come the last sex before break up always ends up being the best sex the two people ever had?
    Because it's Angry sex? Nothing like a good grudge ****.
    "Well, then," the Cat went on, "you see a dog growls when it's angry, and wags its tail when it's pleased. Now I growl when I'm pleased, and wag my tail when I'm angry. Therefore I'm mad."

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    Mmm...angry sex...angry make up sex is the best sex ever.
    ..::.*Love is giving someone the ability to break your heart but trusting them not to*.::..

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