Met her online. Need halp with planning a visit

[Snuffles]

To make it short, we met on World of Warcraft, started talking to eachother on MSN, and the relationship just took off from there.

I'm 18, she's 16. Anything wrong with that? She's very mature for her age. Around the 5th month of us being together, we talked about meeting sometime. We both liked the idea, but since she's 16, she can't fly anywhere without her parents being alright with it, and they definitely wouldn't let her fly somewhere by herself. She wouldn't be able to afford it either. So, we settled on meeting on New Years of 2008-2009. The plan was that I was going to drive/take a bus down to her and spend New Years together. Obviously that didn't happen. I was 17 when I told my parents about her and what our plans were; they were against it, like always. "Blahblahblah you'll drive off the road into a pond or into a tree. You'll have to change a flat that you'll get in the middle of a deserted road at night and get shot and mugged. Blahblahblah you'll drive off a mountain."

I looked at the entire trip on my GPS, there were no mountains. I'd be on the highway or very public rest stops for the vast majority of the trip. My car isn't technically "mine", I paid a few thousand and my parents paid the rest, so it's in their name. So, I'll be taking a bus. I emailed her parents and told them about us, how we met, our plans to visit, etc etc. I asked if they'd be fine if I visited. They responded and basically said alright, but I'll be "strictly supervised." I'm perfectly fine with that, to be honest, if I had a kid I doubt I'd even let someone from so far away come and visit at all. All I'm expecting from the visit is to meet her and the parents.

I've been emailing her mother back and forth, I've developed a pretty good relationship with her. I asked if I could mail a few gifts for Christmas to her daughter, (aka my gf), she said sure, so I sent her a hoodie and some other miscellaneous jewelery and other things. She really liked everything, and I scored some "points" with her mother. Score.

The problem is that, unfortunately, I'm still living with my parents. They are extremely against me visiting. They somehow got the email address of my gf's mother, and emailed her in early December. That was pretty much what screwed over me visiting on New Years. I haven't heard from her mother yet about when she'd be alright with me visiting; we HAD planned on New Years. Our first year anniversary is coming up on March 9th, and it really would mean a lot to both of us if we could somehow meet then.

I emailed her mother and told her I'd like to talk to her on the phone sometime so we can figure this all out. That was two weeks ago that I sent the email, and she hasn't responded yet, and I doubt she will respond. I really would prefer to not email her again until she responds, I'd feel as if I'm sounding too "pushy", or something.

What should I do about this? March is approaching quickly, January is almost over. If we don't meet in March, we'd most likely have to wait til the summer, and we've waited for almost a year.

[Gigabitch]

None of the trip details are going to matter if your parents get in your way. Put the girlfriend aside for just a moment and explain your situation- are you going to be living with your parents forever? If they're so wrapped up in you, would one of them want to come on the trip with you? Do they really think you would drive into a pond?

[Snuffles]

I plan on living with my parents until I can afford to move out. Apartments in Connecticut are a bit expensive, averaging about $700-$1000 a month. I'm working part-time, and I'm a full-time college freshman. I suggested bringing one of the parents along with me, their response was, "Oh, they don't want me there! I'd have no where to stay!" That's true, though. They know I'm a good driver, for the two years I've been driving for, I've never gotten a single scratch on any car that I've driven.

[lesa]

Sorry, I hate to be the bearer of bad news but you do not have a relationship or true girlfriend until you have actually meet in person. Right now the relationship is fantasy. Your mother is concerned that you are putting too much seriousness in a fantasy relationship and the age may be a factor, too.

She doesn't want the embarrassment and disappointment of seeing her son on the evening news. If you were my son I would definitely not "help" you in this situation and I don't understand the "motives" of the girl's mother.

So you talked to her mother but forgot to talk to yours throughout that whole year?

What are your reasons for pursuing a relationship with this girl?

[doppelgaenger]

Have you even talked to the girl on the phone/seen her on webcam?

How do you know it isn't an 80 year old man who gets off to tricking young men into thinking he is a 16 year old girl?

Anyway, since you are still dependent on your parents, you probably won't be able to visit her.

[Snuffles]

We talk every day on the phone, and yeah, she's gone on webcam before.

Yeah, I talked to her mother and not mine. I knew what her response would be, always "no". I've been trying to figure out the best way to talk to her about it without her instantly saying no.

Legally, my parents can't stop me from going. The visit WILL happen sometime soon, I just need to figure a few more things out.

[doppelgaenger]

So if her mother says no, you might as well forget about visiting her. Sorry, but if you can't respect the mother, you won't respect the girl.

[Junket]

Why do they always think these girls are "mature for their age"?

She's in highschool playing world of warcraft.

That doesn't sound all that more mature than any other 16 year old girl her age. Less so, if anything.

Congratulations! You've made the list for [url]http://www.loveforum.net/love-advice-forum/25301-collection-doomed-internet-relationships.html[/url] !

Her mom could have you arrested if you show up out of the blue like that, you're treading in dangerous waters, boy.

[Indignant]

Why do they always think these girls are "mature for their age"?

She's in highschool playing world of warcraft.

That doesn't sound all that more mature than any other 16 year old girl her age. Less so, if anything.

hey, i love playing games too!!! does that make me immature? well maybe a little

[Junket]

hey, i love playing games too!!! does that make me immature? well maybe a little

Not inherently, but it does reflect one's own characteristics.

It'd be one thing if it was a two 20 somethings that met playing world of warcraft, both of which have stable full time jobs, live on their own, and are completely independent, with the mutual desire to meet each other.

Good for them, I'd be all for it.

But we have a two kids, both of which live with their parents, and most likely are financially dependent on them for either/and food, phone, internet, computer, insurance(s), transportation, housing. He won't listen to us, but eventually when he realizes there's no way this is going to happen, and that he'll grow bored of waiting for her to get out of highschool, that'll be the end of that.

Not to mention the obvious distance.

[Indignant]

i've always been fascinated by games...got my first computer when i was 16. and all we had was tetris, and then there was chess....then Diablo, II, expansion, X-Box, age of empires, Spore and finally WII, phew.... i remember when i was a youngster and we had to take our huge computer and monitors and drive to someone's house to play Unreal Tournament. that was so much fun, I was the only girl, and we had some really big kahunas from Activision and Toyota who were so much older playing and drinking the night away...oh where has my youth gone...

[doppelgaenger]

Not inherently, but it does reflect one's own characteristics.

Isn't this the ****in' xbox king here on the forum?

Wow.

But I do agree with the rest of your advice.

[kikibrown22]

For starters, I think it's incredibly harsh to say that he doesn't have a relationship. Who are we to decide what constitutes a relationship. He seems to have more with this girl than some married couples do.

Sure, they're both young, but when did age and maturity become synonymous? I'm pretty sure we have two separate words for a reason. Why does it seem that many people on this forum are jaded and out to shatter others' romantic ideals? I agree that harsh perspective can be helpful, and we need to be realistic, but it seems like this guy has decent perspective on the situation and is thinking practically about it. A huge part of life (and especially youth) is falling in love, making mistakes, and learning from it all. Long-distance relationships are hard, and the majority of them don't work out, but why should we stop someone who is eager to make this work, from trying? If it doesn't work out, he will learn, and if it does, he'll have this great girl with an interesting story as to how they met.

On top of this, computers are becoming increasingly central in our lives and it's only natural that it is being used as a tool to meet and date people. Sure, it has risks, but who's to say you can trust a complete stranger, or even a friend just because you've met them in person? The girl at Virginia Tech who was decapitated this week had the guy listed in her emergency medical contacts!

Don't get me started on the "Collection of Doomed Internet Relationships" - it's childish and belittling. Nobody likes to be laughed at when emotions are involved, and especially not when they're reaching out for help. You might think that their relationships are insignificant and unrealistic, but, regardless of whether or not that is the case, they're important issues to them. Make a checklist of signs that are indicative of relationships that are doomed, but don't humiliate people.

And Frasbee, how old are you? What gives you license to refer to some people who are legally adults as "kids" and what qualifies you as such an expert here?

[Junket]

Isn't this the ****in' xbox king here on the forum?

I sure am.

About half the time I'm playing anymore is with either my girlfriend and/or roommates. If I play on-line, it's usually scheduled, otherwise I woudln't make the time.

And yes, I'm still young, and I still like to enjoy things like videogames. This is reflected in my aversion to having children and settling down. I do not want that level of responsibility. While I belong to another forum where the members consist of many fathers and husbands, when you consider how often they play games, I would still say it's reflective of their personalities.

And Frasbee, how old are you? What gives you license to refer to some people who are legally adults as "kids" and what qualifies you as such an expert here?

I already made a distinction.


It'd be one thing if it was a two 20 somethings that met playing world of warcraft, both of which have stable full time jobs, live on their own, and are completely independent, with the mutual desire to meet each other.

Good for them, I'd be all for it.

But we have a two kids, both of which live with their parents, and most likely are financially dependent on them for either/and food, phone, internet, computer, insurance(s), transportation, housing.

I would also like to add to the list, the fact that their parents are so heavily influencing this almost-relationship. This guy (and girl) have to ask their parents before they do anything. LDR's suck. But when you have to ask mom for a plane ticket or a ride? Then the other mom if you can come over? And your own parents are sabotaging it behind your back?

I will not encourage this kid. If he comes back with his success story, great, but will not egg him on.

[kikibrown22]

I already made a distinction.


It'd be one thing if it was a two 20 somethings that met playing world of warcraft, both of which have stable full time jobs, live on their own, and are completely independent, with the mutual desire to meet each other.

Good for them, I'd be all for it.

But we have a two kids, both of which live with their parents, and most likely are financially dependent on them for either/and food, phone, internet, computer, insurance(s), transportation, housing.

I would also like to add to the list, the fact that their parents are so heavily influencing this almost-relationship. This guy (and girl) have to ask their parents before they do anything. LDR's suck. But when you have to ask mom for a plane ticket or a ride? Then the other mom if you can come over? And your own parents are sabotaging it behind your back?

I will not encourage this kid. If he comes back with his success story, great, but will not egg him on.

That's fair, you did make a distinction, but I still don't see why you're trying to discourage this guy. He's not talking about moving to be with her, or having kids, etc. It's just a visit to see if they have the same connection in person as they do online.

As for the parents' involvement, he's just trying to make sure they're okay with things. He knows his rights as an adult. With the way the world is going, people are living at home until well into their 20s and even into their 30s. School is expensive and they may be financially dependent on their parents, but that doesn't necessarily reflect on him/her as a person. Hard as we might fight it, our parents will always play an integral part in our lives and we will forever seek their approval.

Asking the parents is called respect. He asked his own parents, heard their point of view, and decided he wanted to go through with it all the same. Her parents were okay with it. You can't tell me that you don't have to worry about the opinion of the parents of a girl that you're dating once you're "independent". These two just have to be more considerate because they live under their parents' roofs.

Note that this guy is looking for assistance in planning his trip and didn't really ask whether or not he should do it. He has every intention of going so quit pushing your own agenda and try offering helpful suggestions in the future.