Trial separation need some info

[vashti]

i am fully commited to doign whatever i have to however the economy in my area is severely depressed about 200 new people are filing for unemployment daily.

This is a different story than the following:

I will do whatever it takes to make this work.

I have no problem getting a second job.

You need to decide how bad you want her. If you REALLY want her, you will take more responsibility for the finances. Spend less and/or make more. And stop complaining about it.

[Lite]

You need to decide how bad you want her. If you REALLY want her, you will take more responsibility for the finances. Spend less and/or make more. And stop complaining about it.

Would you rather a person complain about it than let stress build up until they explode? I'm sorry, but people have a right to grumble about not liking a situation as long as they do not use it to blame others or hurt others. Sometimes there's only so much you can do about a situation, and the rest is simply venting what stress you can until things improve.

[vashti]

Sorry, no. I grew up with a father who didn't want to work and couldn't handle money properly. I have no patience for that sort of nonsense now. EVERYONE must work, and all whining does is alienate people. If you don't like your life circumstances, change them.

[Zeus99es]

I am anything but Lazy. I figured if I busted my ass on the job I would make more money however that is not the case.

in reference to the holding it all in::

I really dont. she definatley does. so I am hoping this is just one of those explosions and once it subsides and I'm not around for a week or two she will come to her senses.

i have always been the man of the house taking care of her it is only recently the money thing got bad.


this is not a case of maning up or whining. I am trying to decipher her

" i want to be alone"
" i dont know what Im doing"
etc
etc.


should I just not call her for several days and ignore her calls?

so she can be "alone"

[Junket]

the more to the story is simple.....ya know what vshanti you have worse advice in the world.


short version. we had it good. I took a job the promise dmroe money. But ha snot delievered due to the economy.

we have bought a house out of our area so I essentially lost all of my friends

due to shortage of funds. i forsook all of my activities.... in exchange for keeping the house fixed and all the normal homeowner activities. She didnt have to do dishes or vacuum or anything.

however as time went on I got depressed. which caused problems between us.

she was upset that i was sad and has given me this time to get myself together.... according to her,

Don't get upset at Vashti, a lot of people here share a similar point of view. You are at an age that you should be able to handle your own finances, between what is expended, and what is saved. She should not have to keep track of your money.

I too have been struggling finding friends, but at least I have a few roommates, and I browse craigslist and meetup.com and have met and hung out with a few people, even if just once or a few nights.

She probably does want you get back on your own feet and depend less on her to fulfill what's missing in your life because trying to fill those shoes will not only lead to disappointment on your end, but resentment on her end.

Sit down and think of the kind of life you would really like to have right now, the activities, the people, the work. List them even, and then start working towards them, one or two at a time. Find a way to make them work. If you're like me, or like any guy I know, we're generally more content when working towards something, sitting at home every evening is synonymous to torture for me.

[Zeus99es]

thanks frasbee... this is all very fresh so of course both of our emotions are boiling over.

She has called everyone bawling her eyes out saying she broke up with me... and she doesnt really know why.

she gave me my key back too.


so who knows.

Like I said I just wish she had sat down and talked with me instead of holding it all in. I would kill for this girl. ever since the day I met her. She has allways been the one. and she says the same about me.


so the ball is in her court now. I have allready found a second job and have changed my outlook on what I need to do to be happy.

[vashti]

Wow, you found a second job in 20 minutes?

[Zeus99es]

all i had to do was go to the pizza shop i used to work at in college. its only 10-15 hrs a week but its something. i talked to the owner the day after she kicked me out. just called me yesterday.


what im looking for is a full time job that is better than the one i have. which sadly with the layoffs in my area chances are looking grim except for in the state. I had an interview but i still have to wait untill may. for a state job.




do you at least agree she should have sat down and talked with me about things first? and given me an opportunity to change things?

I do everything for her. i would work a grave yard shift and part time and my current job for her if it would make her happy.

[Gigabitch]

You have some shit you need to be dealing with. Take the break as an opportunity to spend some time and energy on yourself. You need to understand that while it LOOKS like you are Mr. Giving and were taking care of everything, including the dishes, etc., you were letting yourself fall apart. You fall apart and she has no boyfriend. Do you understand. You should be your own FIRST priority, not the last.

Quit asking her if it's a trial separation or what. Live for today. Try to take just one day and focus on what's in front of you, what you need to do to get out of the bad place you're in. This has NOTHING to do with her. At this point, she's actually a distraction.

[Zeus99es]

wow powerfull stuff. and your right i let myself go, gained weight, lost the confidence i used to have.....

in general lost sight of what i needed to do to make myself happy. in an attempt to make her happy.

good stuff to think on... thank you..

[vashti]

Good for you with the new job. it sounds like a step in the right direction, and I think it will help you to feel better about yourself. Whether or not things work out with the girl, improving your outlook will be valuable.

[Zeus99es]

UPDATE*****

nothing doing.... she wants be "alone/single" i thought that we had made a commitment. through thick and thin. it got thin she bailed....


i guess i picked the wrong one....


thank you for your support.


on a side note..... I cant even flirt with other girls.... just isnt happening... i feel guilty afterwards..

[annoyed23]

so shes told you its over?