uncomfortable situation...

[theman2004]

me and this girl have known each other since 7th grade and we are REALLY close...we hardly ever talk on the phone for less than 2-3 hours a night...i moved away after 9th grade and we lost contact for about a year but now we're closer than ever...we never got together because we were never single at the same time...i feel like pretty soon we're gonna take the chance and try out this long distance relationship thing..we spent this whole weekend together and had our first kiss(es) this weekend..we're both 17 and we're gonna be seniors in high schools that are 4 hours away but we're going to the same college...im a virgin and shes had a little bit more experience than me, if u wanna call it that...her ex boyfriend took advantage of her while she was drunk for the first time..hell of a way to end a 3 year relationship aint it....i dont know how often they did it before or if they did but i still feel uncomfortable getting together with a girl that knows what its like...any suggestions..i feel a lil wierd about it cause i always wanted my first time to be with another first timer.

[PandaCivic]

she was scarred for life, but it will be her first time with you...that's all that matters...

[KaWaiiSkYe]

Don't be. I mean I was never in a situation like that and I won't ever be but that isn't the point. Don't feel weird about it. Just because a girl is a lil' more experienced than you doesn't mean that she's great in bed. Besides. You shouldn't even be thinkin' about jumpin' into bed yet. Get together first. Try to get use to the whole long distance relationship, relax, have as much fun as you can with her, spend as much time as you can with her, and yeah. Whatever happens happen.

[armyPunk]

Get er done

[armyPunk]

just stick in and wave it around its fun

[Exodus]

lol right. I'd go with what skye said. Don't worry about what experience she has... think of it this way. She'll be just that much better for you. I gaurantee she won't not like you because you're a virgin. Some find its a turn on. but yeah, you're getting a lil bit ahead of yourself, its good to think about, because everyone does, but i wouldnt rush anything.

[theman2004]

well i just want to be prepared because our affection level is escalating everytime we see each other and its not like u plan these type things...we've known each other for over 5 years and i feel like i love her enough to be able to get thru anything with her...she knows that i dont care about sex and i'd rather wait til marriage anyway...those were her original plans too but then again things happen...its not really her having more experience than me that bothers me, which i really wouldnt call experience, because to me thats a pretty terrible way to first experience sex...that was rape to me and i just want to be able to give her the best time possible...for me it wouldnt be sex anyway, it would be making love.

[KaWaiiSkYe]

Yep. What is up with ArmyPunk..?

[theman2004]

yea i didnt appreciate that comment thats pretty immature

[KaWaiiSkYe]

I understand where you're goin' at 'theman2004' but I was just pointin' it out.

[KaWaiiSkYe]

If he continues like that. He can might as well be banned.

[GothThug]

Who is this army punk?

[GBRaul]

Who cares? He's banned already.

[Illusional]

hrmm.. i guess that in this thread, the author doesn't need anymore help. it's that time again for school to start. raverboy

[daletom]

Are you overdriving your headlights just a bit here?

From everything you've said - I don't see that she's eager to rush into a sexual relationship. (Perhaps she is, but it didn't come out in your post.)

And when you say,

...she knows that i dont care about sex and i'd rather wait til marriage anyway...those were her original plans too but then again things happen...

I have to ask, "Why change your plans?". Have you REALLY thought through what you're doing? You're dealing with something that a lot of people consider to be very significant, and very special, and something you can never cancel nor repeat. Your "uncomfortable feeling" about an experienced partner supports these views - if it WASN'T significant, it wouldn't bother you like that.

Then there's the long distance nature of your relationship. That situation is stressfull for couples who have already established their commitment, and even more difficult for those who are trying to get something started.

Introducing sex into a relationship (at any age, but especially at your age) tends to stop further development of the relationship. Ask yourself, have you and your girlfriend REALLY become as close, and intimate (in a non-sexual sense) as you'd like to be? There's a lot more to it than talking on the phone (though I admit that's a start). Sex can be a way to solidify what you two have already achieved between you, but it won't make up for what's not already there. Unfortunately a lot of people try to use sex as a way to get, or keep, a boyfriend or girlfriend when their relationship doesn't have a solid basis, or is already stalled or starting to come apart. They seem to feel "If only he/she knew what a good bed partner I am, then he/she would work harder at staying together." but the results are often the opposite.

I wish I had bookmarked a web page I found a couple years ago. As best I recall, it reported a university study about factors that contributed to long-lasting relationships. One of the findings was that people seldom stay with their first sexual partner - something like 2/3 to 3/4 of their respondents had broken up with the person to whom they gave their virginity within a month of the event. Many of them indicated that sex had actually contributed to their breakups.

Because of the distance factor you're up against, you run the very real risk of sex becoming the major thing defining your relationship. It will tend to become the ONLY thing you two experience together. Sooner or later one of you will get the idea that it's the ONLY thing the other one is interested in. In the end you may re-inforce your G/F's negative experience.

I think you & your G/F should spend time together when you can, and use phone, email and paper mail to bridge the times between. (Hint: If you want to REALLY impress her, send her a card once or twice a week. If you put a little effort into it you can find reasonably well-done cards with a "friendship", "missing you" or "thinking of you" message for under a dollar - I hope she's worth that much to you! Write a short paragraph or two about something you did that you want to share with her. A real, handwritten, note from a genuine human is SO RARE these days that you'll stand head and shoulders above all the other guys she sees and talks to every day.)

Talk to her about what your physical relationship should be. If her previous B/F "used her" one of the best things you can do is let HER set the pace for what you do. Take your time with each step. First kisses are thrilling and nice - it will take a month or two to learn how to do it well with each other. I was a year older than you when I loved my first girlfriend. It lasted about 6 months until distance drove us apart. We never got beyond necking, but I'm grateful to this day (35 years later) for all that I learned from her. (Patty B. if you see this I hope you're well and happy! If my wife only knew how much she owes you . . . ).

Look at the very pleasureable non-coital things you can do - the currently trendy term is "outercourse". Think of them as a progression from holding hands to penis-in-vagina sex. Discuss with your G/F when these things should be introduced. These aren't so much a substitute for intercourse, but valuable skills you'll use in your future lovemaking. You're not really ready for intercourse until you are comfortable with each others' bodies and familiar with each others' orgasmic responses. You're probably at least 3 or 4 months away from that time.

Now for the answer to your original question - if her "experience" matters to you, you're probably not ready yet. Since her previous experience was negative, you need to make sure that you give her something very different. Treat her like a virgin anyway. When she's ready to envelope your erection with her vagina she'll let you know.