Torn between two

[samething]

Hi, this is my first post.

I'm quite confused. I'm in my mid to late 20's and I'm getting to the stage where I'm prepared to settle down. Looking for a wife, kids and a long lasting loving relationship.

The problem is there are two potential women that could be part of my life forever.

I try and strive for perfection and it's something I think about all the time. I'm some one who hasn't come from a big family with big family gatherings. This is something I really would like for my children, when I'm blessed to have them.

The case is this, how important is a partners family when looking at wife?

One girl (Girl X) is stunning, there has always a lust present. I have feelings for her but her family are an issue. It's rather dysfunctional, the siblings are swearing around the house and there isn't much control. Do I want my future children surrounded by grandparents that don't respect their home or family? Would this cause problems in the future?

I have a well paid job and I would like to live comfortably. She is in a job that she loves but low paid. There is some scope to climb the ladder, but will only go so far.

Girl Y is from a grounded family, I would slot right into there big family life style. She's also beautiful but the lust isn't the same as girl X.
She is successful in her city job and wants all the things that I want in life. She pushes me beyond belief to achieve even more which I like.

I'm really torn what to do.

Any advice?

[capturedsoul]

You've said it yourself, you want to settle down and have a good family life, and girl Y fits that, whereas girl Z's family doesn't fit in with what you want for your future children.
Lust isn't everything, but there does need to be an attraction. Perhaps both of these girls aren't quite right for you.

[samething]

Is it shallow to say someone's family isn't right? After all she can't choose her family.
Do you in essence marry the family?

Is it shallow to say I want a successful wife?

I'm running around in circles in my mind and don't want to do the wrong thing.

[Gigabitch]

If either of these girls was "the one", you'd know it. You can't choose a wife using such a clinical approach because marriage is far more difficult and complicated than you can possibly imagine. Even if someone satisfies every single item on your laundry list of qualities, that's no guarantee that she'll be the right one for you.

IMO, you absolutely HAVE to be in love with someone to even attempt a marriage- it's the only thing that makes the trouble worthwhile. You're clearly not in love with either of these people.

Have you ever been in love? maybe it would be a terribly irresponsible thing to do- getting married before you experience this. What if you marry someone that seems like a good match, only to meet the love of your life four years later? That's a tragedy I'm sure you don't want to put anyone through, including yourself, right?

Look, you have plenty of time. You're 27 at the most. Wait 10 more years before getting married.

[nj1035]

I don't think family should be an issue. You should go with the one that you love and could see yourself being happy with. If you are not completely and fully attracted physically and emotionally to someone, they are not the one to marry.