Miserable existence

[lost1976]

It’s been a year and I am still so messed up. When I think that I am a guy, it makes me feel even worse. What’s wrong with me?

Some days I am angry and other days I am very sad. I am going to see a therapist. Then I think how she messed me up so much that I am in therapy. It makes my heart break all over again. I used to be the mature guy. I used to be the one who helped out his friends when they felt emotionally weak. And now I am an emotional wreck. And nobody can help me.

I exposed myself to this woman. Shared my deepest thoughts and feelings with her. Sometimes I feel like I have been violated, severely beaten up, bruised.

When I go out with guys they are always looking to get laid. They show no emotions. Outwardly I look ok but inwardly it kills me that I have emotions. Then they tell me that most women are crazy. They tell me women don’t know what they want. They tell me you have to play a woman the right way. If you become too attached she will hurt you badly.

All of this makes me so much worse. Is the world so much full of games and deceptions and pretense? What happened to simple pleasures and truth?

Why was I so naïve? I only wanted to be with one special lady and treat her right and be treated right in return. I met her after I had established myself in my career. I was ready. I had shown that I was responsible. I could make us a home. I used to be such a fighter. There was such fight in me. In another life.

Sometimes it seems that I am broken beyond any chance of repair. I am not even attracted to any woman anymore. I don’t look at women like I used to. I don’t have a crush or infatuation. There is no woman right now that I want to talk to. When I was ok, I used to have infatuations and crushes. I wake up every morning and my first thought is her. Its been one goddamned lousy year. And I am a guy.

Anyone else feels this way?

[Petit Papillon]

I know this situation very well... Actually ex bf of my sister was having the same problems.Well my sister acted very bitchy but it's still my sister,so I'm not going to insult her. But look her ex,he was 32 when she left him after 6 or 7 years being together. He was totally broken.I've spoken with him many times,many times I've seen him crying.But sometimes it happens like that. He also has visited the therapiest. It's good. But the biggest thing You have to do is to get ok with it. It's already over You know? You may find a woman who will treat You good,who will love You.But You can't close inside You.And You can't stuck on the past.Really belive me, the biggest problem to resolve is in Your mind,and the only one person who can fix it is You and Your will . You just have to say to Yourself , ok come on it's past and I leave it behind me. Life goes on,and You have to go on too.Don't stuck on one person who has broken Your trust to other women. And don't make Your future partner to pay her bills.You know why? Because You will never be happy. And in the end You'll stay alone. Leave the past for the past.
Greets, Papi

[Mish]

Is the world so much full of games and deceptions and pretense?

The world is what you make of it and it's filled with people on the scale of extremely compatible all the way to extremely incompatible to you (The extremely incompatible ones may be some of your friends)

It didn't work out with some lady because you two weren't compatible? That's okay it happens all the time to everyone, it's not the end of the world. You will find someone better and more compatible to you, someone to compliment your emotional nature. There's no need to pull your hair out and question your identity and meaning in life because of that. To quote the lyrics of that song:

"If at first you don't succeed.... Dust yourself off and try again".

[IndiReloaded]

Everyone feels the way you do for at least a while after a bad experience or breakup. Its a natural defence mechanism. You'll get over it. There are things you can do to recover faster if you want. But 'this too shall pass' would apply.

As for the 'games and pretense', it depends. It IS possible to have an open, honest relationship with other ppl but you have to be smart about your choices. Not everyone will be compatible with you for this, or want to be, so you need to 'test the waters' gently over time. Only a fool wears his heart on his sleeve all the time and with everyone.

[lost1976]

Thank you.

I am going to talk to a therapist so I can share all these feelings.

I guess you have to 'grow up' sooner or later. In my case it took me over 3 decades to start the journey. I just hope that love is not an illusion or another name for lust. I just hope that there can be chemistry and magic and longevity.

Love you all.

[carl1222]

Just one question ... do you still have contact with your ex? And if so, what kind of contact?

Carl.

[Mish]

I just hope that love is not an illusion or another name for lust. I just hope that there can be chemistry and magic and longevity.

"Love" has as many definitions as there people. Which means all you need to do is find the person which has the closest definition similarity to yours. Of which, the last time I checked there were plenty. My best advice to you is surround yourself with the right people and everything will become a lot easier for you.

[qualia1234]

You got ensnared into the system and it played you good. No one is "real" there is nothing "real"... You problems start with THAT, with thinking there is a "problem" at all

[lost1976]

Just one question ... do you still have contact with your ex? And if so, what kind of contact?

Carl.

No contact whatsoever.

[lost1976]

"Love" has as many definitions as there people. Which means all you need to do is find the person which has the closest definition similarity to yours. Of which, the last time I checked there were plenty. My best advice to you is surround yourself with the right people and everything will become a lot easier for you.

I am not a social person and am not good at making new friends. I have a very limited social life. Its not easy for me to surround myself with good thoughtful people. People are intimidated by me because of my achievements.

[lost1976]

You got ensnared into the system and it played you good. No one is "real" there is nothing "real"... You problems start with THAT, with thinking there is a "problem" at all

Interesting perspective. If nothis is real then whats life worth?

[Mish]

Don't listen to Qualia, it's a person who believes the world is about to end, last person you'd want serious advice from

People are intimidated by me because of my achievements.

What kind of achievements are these that intimidate people? As far as I know achievements are recognized by people and they are good conversation starters

I am not a social person and am not good at making new friends. I have a very limited social life. Its not easy for me to surround myself with good thoughtful people.

It's never too late to start. Start becoming more social. Talk to people around you. At work? At colledge / school? Friends? Friends of friends? friends of family members? Family members? Once you start expanding your social network you will see how very easy it is to surround yourself with good people.

[IndiReloaded]

Interesting perspective. If nothis is real then whats life worth?

More than Qualia's advice, which is also 'nothing' if you believe in consistency.

[lost1976]

Don't listen to Qualia, it's a person who believes the world is about to end, last person you'd want serious advice from



What kind of achievements are these that intimidate people? As far as I know achievements are recognized by people and they are good conversation starters



It's never too late to start. Start becoming more social. Talk to people around you. At work? At colledge / school? Friends? Friends of friends? friends of family members? Family members? Once you start expanding your social network you will see how very easy it is to surround yourself with good people.

I am an over-achiever in my career. I am way more educated and qualified than people in my age group. So a few people including romantic interests that I became close to told me later on that they were initially intimidated by my success. They also say that at first they thought my confidence was arrogance. This is a huge conflict in my personality because clearly I have low self esteem. Yet others see me as confident. Because I am not very good with people maybe I project an air of confidence.

Anyway, I am trying to be more social. Its just more difficult for some than others. I dont relate to people well. I live too much in my head. I am kind of an idealist and have black and white views on truth, justice, love. Obviously this is not the best appraoch.

Hey, may I once again offer my deepest thanks to you for your comments. You sound like such a positive person. I need more of that in my life.

Thank you thank you thank you!

[IndiReloaded]

Are you related to CAM, by chance?

No offense, Lost, but if your SN is an indication you are in your early 30s? Not sure what you mean by 'way more educated than ppl in your age group', but I can tell you that there are lots of doctors, professors, lawyers, successful business ppl of your age.

I presume you mean you are more educated/successful than most of your peer group? If thats so, perhaps you need to widen your social network. Meet and get to know ppl like yourself. There are plenty out there, I'm pretty sure about this.