Am I the worst person in the world or is she overreacting?

[guy4545]

Hi,

I have never used a forum before, but now I find myself in a position of needing advice from unbiased people, so I decided to give it a try.

This is about a situation with my girlfriend. She was in the US, visiting her pre-college friends and I was working in Europe, so I was in the time zone 8 hours ahead of her.

We got in an argument over the phone a few days before her birthday. It was about a seemingly silly topic; I questioned the rationality of her approach towards running some errands and she thought that I was implying that she was not a capable partner and future wife/mother. Over the next few days leading up to her birthday, this argument continued. I assured her that questioning her actions did not in any way mean that I thought that she was not capable of something, but the resolution was not happening.


I called her December 5th, her birthday, at 10am European time 2am her time. I wished her a happy birthday and then we continued to argue about the same topic from few days ago for about 20 minutes at which point I had to go to work. So, I ended the conversation by whishing her happy birthday again and told her to have a good time with her friends.

At the end of my working day at 6pm my time 10am her time, still on December 5th , I thought about calling her to wish her a happy birthday again, but remembering that my previous attempt just upset her I chose to write an email. Quote below…

"Hi,

Since our last conversation did not go that well, I just wanted to drop you a note and wish you a happy birthday. You are a good person and I know it. Just sometimes our rhythm seems to misfire. I hope you are not too upset about the disagreement and are able to have a good time with your friends for your birthday. I wish I could have been there, so I could see you among your friends on your own turf so to say. Bottom line is that you should enjoy your life and the moments you spend with people you care about. These are the memories that you will remember on your porch when you are 80 years old. So don’t waste the memory-making opportunities by having negative thoughts, be happy, enjoy what you have.

Happy birthday again!!! "


Following her birthday she is extremely mad and accuses me of being the worst person on the face of earth for not wishing her a happy birthday and acknowledging her on that special day. I love her very much, but neither I, nor any of my friends can understand why she is so angry about and says that I did not wish her a happy birthday. So this is why I reach out to you as an unbiased audience for advice. Did my birthday wish qualify as a legit one one or not?
Please help us by sharing your views

[tonikessler]

Are you sure the email was received?

[swargolet]

I'm guessing that she just forgot about you wishing her a happy birthday since the argument probably took over your conversation.

I dont believe you are a horrible guy but also we are getting this story from your point of view and facts will always be swayed to the story-tellers side.
When my ex and I got into a stupid argument and one of us realized that it was stupid we immediately stopped and said "What the hell are we doing? this argument is about nothing at all" and we continued our normal convo. The only times it didnt work is when one person thought the argument was about something worthwhile. In your case it seems that way to her. I guess all you can do is tell her that what you said just came off wrong and you didn't mean it in a negative way. Assure her that she will grow up to be a great wife/mother.
It sounds like you are already doing this but I'd say do it once more and then say something along the lines of this was just a mis-understanding I believe we are on the same track right now and this argument shouldnt continue.
Try not to start anything back up in future conversations and if she tries to start something back up just recognize that she is and say something nice to stop her. Dont say "O not this again" because that will just get her angry.

As for the happy birthday. I dont know what to say about that. If you say that you did say it multiple times she might come back and say you are lying. Or maybe resend the email and tell her over the phone that you sent that out it just must not have gotten to her for some reason.

i wish you the best of luck!

[doppelgaenger]

Well she is definitely overreacting; while she should be upset you didn't wish her a happy birthday, she shouldn't confront you and tell you you're the worst person ever because of it.

However, since you can never be too sure the email was received, you should ask her if she received your email.

[Gigabitch]

It sounds like an excuse to me. She's mad and looking for reasons. She's probably really mad about the fact that LDRs suck and are almost impossible to maintain, but she's focusing all of her frustrations on a minor miscommunication and a perceived affront.

[Indignant]

on the other hand, you took 20 minutes to argue with the love of your life on her birthday. what does that make you? instead of saying sweetie, i love you and i am sorry if i was coming of condescending, let's continue this arguement tomorrow.

[Cbrider]

on the other hand, you took 20 minutes to argue with the love of your life on her birthday. what does that make you? instead of saying sweetie, i love you and i am sorry if i was coming of condescending, let's continue this arguement tomorrow.

I wouldn't say "lets continue this tomorrow", if it was a silly argument just dismiss it as so unless its gonna fire her up.

Shes pissed about something and focusing on this little incident like everyone has said.

[Mish]

Am I the worst person in the world or is she overreacting?

You got your gf upset on her birthday? Yup, I think you definitely qualify up there with Joseph Stalin and Hitler as far as crimes against humanity go. It's amazing you haven't been caught yet


I'm with Indignant on the subject of you didn't have to argue with your gf on her birthday. Your email also sounds very conditional. When you wish someone a genuine happy birthday you should really avoid mentioning any arguments and how you think her and your rhythms misfire. That was a mistake on your part and it's for you to live with. I think you should apologize to your gf and avoid arguing at least for the time you are overseas.