Winning her back

[Cain]

She can't smell or see a damn thing - I haven't heard a word from her for days now and we haven't met up or anything like that. I doubt I've even featured in her thoughts once.
I can act however I need to here on the internet, or in private in real life.

I have a hard time believing that you appear all calm, cool, and collected when you're around her.

And just so you know, when you waited at her house all day and just watched as she walked by you again to get into his car, you appeared like a desperate, pathetic loser.

You can't see that. Until you fix yourself, you've got no chance.

[JustInCase]

I'd rather risk this again than ever have to deal with never having her back. All my energy is going towards hanging onto the only scrap of life I have left, which is the need to get her back. I've seen what's below me if I let go, and it's a really ****ing dark place.

Talking to her is not going to help. The more you try to talk to her, more she is going to repel. Try this, find a girl who is supper attractive (better looking than your ex, pay her or whatever). Let your ex see that you are having ton of fun with this supper good looking chick. Your ex should be fired up with jealousy and she might contact you. This is rather childish act, but if you're that desperate then you need to use desperate measure, right?

[and_for_what]

I have a hard time believing that you appear all calm, cool, and collected when you're around her.

And just so you know, when you waited at her house all day and just watched as she walked by you again to get into his car, you appeared like a desperate, pathetic loser.

You can't see that. Until you fix yourself, you've got no chance.

I never said I appear calm, cool and collected when I'm around her. I said I haven't been around her at all.

I'm not sure what I could have done differently at her house then. Gone and dragged the guy out of his car and got myself beaten up?

---

I appreciate you all taking the time to read (part of) my post and reply, but so far none have actually be helpful, I have to say. I am acutely aware that I need to change my shit. Let me worry about that, though. What I'm most worried about is how to get me that chance with her.

[Lite]

I never said I appear calm, cool and collected when I'm around her. I said I haven't been around her at all.

I'm not sure what I could have done differently at her house then. Gone and dragged the guy out of his car and got myself beaten up?

---

I appreciate you all taking the time to read (part of) my post and reply, but so far none have actually be helpful, I have to say. I am acutely aware that I need to change my shit. Let me worry about that, though. What I'm most worried about is how to get me that chance with her.

No, what you're wanting is for us to commiserate with you and say "Aww man, that sucks... Here write some bad poetry about it with us." And we're not going to do it. Why? Because some of us have been where you've been, and healed ourselves. Others just know the pitfalls you've laid out and are rolling their eyes.

You shouldn't be worrying about how to get that chance with her, you should be worried about doing what's best for you. If you're lucky and she's worth forgiving later on, you'll get another chance. Either stop posting your whiny crap, or take the time to listen to us. We're not flapping our gums because we want to see you break up with her. We're here to offer advice on how YOU can be happy with YOUR life, and how to have a healthy LOVE LIFE as an EXTENSION of YOUR LIFE.

You don't get it. You're so ridiculously upset about her behavior that you're blaming yourself for it. You have NO POINT OF REFERENCE here. You lack clarity and objectivity. It's what happens when you're hurting. Stop being an idiot, sit still for a bit, take a few deep breaths, and deal with your shit. You can't fix her. You can fix you, and hope that she recognizes that you're a worthwhile person to date. That's it. NOTHING more.

[and_for_what]

Talking to her is not going to help. The more you try to talk to her, more she is going to repel. Try this, find a girl who is supper attractive (better looking than your ex, pay her or whatever). Let your ex see that you are having ton of fun with this supper good looking chick. Your ex should be fired up with jealousy and she might contact you. This is rather childish act, but if you're that desperate then you need to use desperate measure, right?

The "OMG HOW TO GET UR CHICK BACK" sites can't agree on that idea. Some say it's good, some say it's bad. Either way, it can't happen in my case. There is nowhere she could see us - we don't go to clubs or pubs or any shit like that. The only places I could catch her would be outside her work or her house, lol, and that might look a bit weird that I was hanging around there with some other girl.
I doubt such measures are very good for this particular case anyway - remember she has a new guy now, and she's really into him. Five of the last six nights she's been with him

[and_for_what]

Do you guys think it's worth talking to the guy? We haven't really mentioned that yet. I know where he lives and all that, I could easily pop round one day and talk to him. I have no idea how or if that could help, though.

[Lite]

Do you guys think it's worth talking to the guy? We haven't really mentioned that yet. I know where he lives and all that, I could easily pop round one day and talk to him. I have no idea how or if that could help, though.

Why would you talk to him? He obviously didn't respect you, her, or the fact that you two were in a relationship enough to not sleep with her.

[Cain]

Do you guys think it's worth talking to the guy? We haven't really mentioned that yet. I know where he lives and all that, I could easily pop round one day and talk to him. I have no idea how or if that could help, though.

Do you have any idea how pathetic you sound?

What is talking to the guy going to do? He's definitely not going to care because he has her and you don't. He'll tell her, she'll likely get pissed at you, and you'll definitely never have a shot with her.

If you truly want her back, the best thing you can do is give up. Fix yourself before trying to get her back because right now, with the way you are, she's not going to give you a chance in hell.

[and_for_what]

Why would you talk to him? He obviously didn't respect you, her, or the fact that you two were in a relationship enough to not sleep with her.

He actually didn't know. I know that she didn't mention me at all. Actually she did refer to an ex-boyfriend, about something in the past, but nothing about me being with her recently.
By now maybe they have talked more, though.

It is no disrespect to her, in any case - she considered our relationship to be over, clearly, so in his eyes she wasn't attached.

Cain - thanks, I get the message. How about we stop repeating that over and over again, then, and look at another step in the process.
I also remind you that how I act on the internet is not how I act in real life. Let me have some ****ing release.

[Lite]

I also remind you that how I act on the internet is not how I act in real life. Let me have some ****ing release.

Venting how you feel isn't asking for advice. Venting how you feel is venting how you feel, there are no questions involved. You asked for advice. Stop flip flopping on what you want.

[Cain]

He actually didn't know. I know that she didn't mention me at all. Actually she did refer to an ex-boyfriend, about something in the past, but nothing about me being with her recently.
By now maybe they have talked more, though.

It is no disrespect to her, in any case - she considered our relationship to be over, clearly, so in his eyes she wasn't attached.

Cain - thanks, I get the message. How about we stop repeating that over and over again, then, and look at another step in the process.
I also remind you that how I act on the internet is not how I act in real life. Let me have some ****ing release.

Unless the next stop in the process is you cutting off all contact and trying to fix yourself, then you're process is shit.

Look, whether you act all desperate and pathetic in front of her or not, she still knows that she has you following behind her even though she dumped your ass to the curb. And so you don't have to act pathetic for her to know that you are.

[JustInCase]

and_for_what, this new guy is screwing your ex while you're sitting and typing to us, think about that! Look, you need to forget about her and get yourself new girlfriend. After you find new girlfriend and you think of this drama, you'll feel how wasteful it was for you to spend time and energy over your EX.

[Lite]

Maybe a mod could change the original topic name to Whining her back?

[and_for_what]

Venting how you feel isn't asking for advice. Venting how you feel is venting how you feel, there are no questions involved. You asked for advice. Stop flip flopping on what you want.

Can I not ask for advice while allowing myself some bit of freedom to say what I think? I have no one in real life to talk to so cut me some ****ing slack, will you?
I'm not "flip-flopping", they're just two things. Ignore my tone of writing and just focus on my questions if possible

[IndiReloaded]

I agree with what Cain & Lite are telling you, and I'm a woman.

Basically, you got outcompeted by this guy. Happens. She's not coming back, so learn from this for the next time.

Oh and guys in general, I told you before: do NOT let your woman hug other guys and stuff. We are *wired* to fall for them, all those chemicals we've been discussing in other threads. Even if we have the self-control not to go there, who wants their woman attracted to some other guy if you can avoid it? You are just asking for issues in your relationship if you do. YOU should hug and touch your woman, not some sly guy on the make for your chick.