Not sure which forum to post this in....its for both sexes.

[IndiReloaded]

Then you already know the issues, Guy, I don't need to tell you the numbers are not in your favour. You are deluding yourself if you aren't at least considering this.

Good luck beating the odds. Happens, but not very often.

[SYoungGuy]

i guess you must be one of those 'nice guys'. you think you are different to everyone? how special are you? you're unique just like everyone else my dear. i think you might be watching too many hollywood movies tbh

Define "nice guy" i just like to respect everyone, i am not self-centered. I would say that i am different from most people my age. And as far as me being special, that is totally up to you, i do not believe i am special in any way. You said that yourself it was not i who considered me a special person. I am just a guy who wants to be a better man, and will tak every action towards doing so. And yes i could not agree with you more, everyone is uniquely different that is why i believe life is such a beautiful thing, I try to stay away from the movies as much as possilbe.

When i say stuff i want you to know i say it from my heart, not off of what i see. I am my own person, i am low classlike, value almost nothing. I you see me as someone who is cocky, i respect your thoughts, but would like to advise you that your terribly wrong.

I pity the fool, who does not try to make somthing of themself. I have messed up my life, and in place of that i want to make the lives of other more enjoyable? I know i am weird...........

[SYoungGuy]

Then you already know the issues, Guy, I don't need to tell you the numbers are not in your favour. You are deluding yourself if you aren't at least considering this.

Good luck beating the odds. Happens, but not very often.

believe me i do consider the numbers and odds, but like i said before, i will not give in until i am proven wrong no matter how much pain physically or mentally i have to deal with.

And you said it yourself that it does happen, just not all the time. I would not be able to live with myself knowing that i did try or did not give it my all. That is where my commitment comes in, knowing that i did the best i could would make me feel like i accomplisehd somthing.

I mean everything i say, i am very modest, i have changed, i was the complete opposite of what i am today 3 years ago when i was 15.

This feeling i have is great and i am sticking with it.

Another reason of proof i would like to show you how commited i am to doing this. 3 years ago i had an ACL reconstruction on my right knee, I trained hard to get my knee back in tip-top shape. 8 months ago i was originally suppose to goto boot camp and join the marine corps. I had to lose 8 lbs of fat/water in 5 hours to meet weight restrictions(30 lbs in 3 weeks to say all that). i made the weight barely. But 6 months ago(2 weeks before my bootcamp) I tore the ACL in my Left knee this time. It ruined my plans for everything, i spent all the money i saved up because i had no need for it. I had my second surgery done it took about 4 months of rehab on the knee to get back to high percentage. Now i had nothing left, i had nothing to look forward to, i met Kai, the girl i have been talking about, she showed me the way to a better happiness.

Now if i were to go reinlist to the marine corps i would have to wait 18 months to do so until im off of my required brace by doctors. This gives me time to think of what i really want to do. Do i want to try this relationship out that has gotten emotions that i have never felt before running like a racehorse on steroids through my mind. Or do i want to go with my original intention and join the Marine corps and look death in the eye and say that i am not afraid of you.


Once again sorry about the Eyesore. i stay true to what i mean when i say that i "fight" for what i believe in.

[Lite]

Define "nice guy" i just like to respect everyone, i am not self-centered. I would say that i am different from most people my age. And as far as me being special, that is totally up to you, i do not believe i am special in any way.

Right, as already has been stated. The Odds are well stacked against you, and you're likely NOT that special. Now let's fix that you not being an asshole problem.

You NEED to be an asshole. You NEED to understand that there are people in this world who are not worth of your respect. Not their opinions, words, bodily odors, or personality. Some people truly are beneath you. Until you understand that, you'll forever be a wishy-washy doormat for women to use whenever they need attention to feel better about themselves.

Having a spine, knowing that you have it, and being able to properly display it, are three completely different things. At this point you've expressed an inability to comprehend all three. Now. Step 1. Locate spine. Define who you are right now, what is and is not acceptable to you in your life. Step 2. Realize that you've actually just figured out that maybe you have a spine, now you have to learn to believe this. Repeat after me, I have a spine.

I'll let you figure out what step 3... =)

[Lite]

It ruined my plans for everything, i spent all the money i saved up because i had no need for it. I had my second surgery done it took about 4 months of rehab on the knee to get back to high percentage. Now i had nothing left, i had nothing to look forward to, i met Kai, the girl i have been talking about, she showed me the way to a better happiness.

No, YOU ruined your plans for happiness because you blew all your damn money on shit. You didn't properly plan for your future, or the chance that you'd fail. So again you're looking to put all your eggs in one basket because someone came along and made your tummy feel funny. Guess what, that's a CHEMICAL REACTION in your BODY caused by your BRAIN dumping massive amounts of hormones into you. It actually has very little to do with her, because you've never met her, touched her, smelled her, held her, ANYTHING.

You have a farcical codependent faux relationship because you're too much of an idiot to pick your ass off the ground and stand on your own two feet once more after a setback. She gives you a reason to go on, because without that you're personally too ****ing week to stand up for your own damn self and what you want in life. Dude I know 70+ year-old men with a hip replacement who was never more alive than when they were beating the hell out of people in martial arts as an instructor.

Find your own reason to live. Not a person to live for.

[SYoungGuy]

No, YOU ruined your plans for happiness because you blew all your damn money on shit. You didn't properly plan for your future, or the chance that you'd fail. So again you're looking to put all your eggs in one basket because someone came along and made your tummy feel funny. Guess what, that's a CHEMICAL REACTION in your BODY caused by your BRAIN dumping massive amounts of hormones into you. It actually has very little to do with her, because you've never met her, touched her, smelled her, held her, ANYTHING.

You have a farcical codependent faux relationship because you're too much of an idiot to pick your ass off the ground and stand on your own two feet once more after a setback. She gives you a reason to go on, because without that you're personally too ****ing week to stand up for your own damn self and what you want in life. Dude I know 70+ year-old men with a hip replacement who was never more alive than when they were beating the hell out of people in martial arts as an instructor.

Find your own reason to live. Not a person to live for.

im sorry bout somthing i must have mis-typed, dont know didnt look back and read it. But yes i did give my money away, and it was meant for happiness, but not for my own self-enjoyment. Mind the fact that i am poor, i only had like 3 grand saved somthing you may make in a couple of weeks. But i gave that money that i thought i did not need to my cousins Daughters college fund.

I guess you could say it is a chemical reaction, but i think it may be somthing more. You can disagree and try to make me unhappy all you want, but i still believe there is a reason to explain the moments we have connected during the past few months. I know for a fact she trusts me, your gunna say some another comment on this i guarantee it, but about 3 weeks after her surgery she was upset about somthing i do not want to say publicly, called me around 330-400 A.M. crying saying that she was suppose to die during the surgery and how much better it would be had she died during the surgery, we talked for almost 2 hours, because the sun started to rise, and i didnt hang up until i knew for a fact she was sleeping. It just seemed right. I have had feelings for others no doubt, but with this girl its like she took it to a whole new level and showed me the way, and i could never thank her enough.

i had no intention of sympathy, that was just an example of how commited i am to doing things, its great for your 70-year old friend. I am dedicated to what i say and feel.

Also their is more setbacks than you think that are very personal, and if you were not prejudgmental, and actually knew me(which you dont, and i can see no motivation of doing so) you would understand why i think the way i do. And you would hate the reasons that i believe, you would solely disagree with what my reasons are is what im saying. But if i told you so, you would automatically assume(from what i seen) that i am asking sympathy from you, which i would not be, i can accept the fact of what i did was wrong, i have changed for the others that i no longer want to hurt. Perhaps you have an instant messenger of some sort that i could briefly describe to you of what happend, it is up to you.

as for what i want in life, is to love and be loved, i guess? i do not value money from what i have told you already, if i struck rich i would only keep what i need, and give to the people that actually need the money and deserve it. I would never let money corrupt me.

And my own reason to live, is to love another. I have no Self guidance, i am there for the others not myself. I treat myself poorly, i know this, but it is for what i have done in my past. At most i get 4 hours of sleep a night, in the process of getting my second full-time minimum wage job. I do and always will fight for what i believe in, as long as it puts smiles on other faces.

[IndiReloaded]

Find your own reason to live. Not a person to live for.

Awesome.

[Junket]

i could be an asshole, and say somthing that would get you irritated, but because i am not the guy you make me out to be, i will do no such thing.


But hey judge me how you want, you may think im in over my head, but i will not give up until proven wrong.


I do not see why you would not hesitate to give in so quickly for what you believe is right. Did you have bad relationships in your past? But from all the other posts i have seen you post, excuse me if im wrong, but it seems that you are a dog, and think with your dick, not your brain.

Sorry if this was an eyesore for you, i just have to say what i mean, sorry if i disrespected you in anyway.

No, see, I'm honest, and don't put a the bullshit two toned face you do. Read your quoted statements above in bold.

Semantics aside, I have only had 1 relationship in my life, and it's very good, very healthy. Did I have to fight for her? Yes, a little bit, and I could dig up the thread from 2 years back to show you. In it you would see that while I put in a valiant effort to fight for the relationship (not her, there is an important difference), I had a pre-established limit on my efforts. In fact I reached that limit, and was willing to let the romantic relationship go, because anything more is obsessive and unhealthy. But things worked out.

But you haven't even meet this girl, and you think you're no different from the average guy? I scrounged this up for guys just like you, that come here to argue. And here's the deal, not a single one of you have come around to heed our advice, nor have any one of you come back and posted their successes.

Your self descriptions of your trouble past, and your melodramatic means to "woo" this girl over and "save", and insistence that every other guy out there is a cheating dog (aka you're full of yourself), and general lack of grasp on reality are dripping with shining knight syndrome:

Unless you just came out of a coma, you know that the late Anna Nicole Smith's ex-boyfriend is Larry Birkhead. He has been in the news since he announced he was the father of Dannielynn. One interviewer asked him why he continued to stay in the relationship despite Anna Nicole's drug use. He said he thought he could "save her". He had "knight in shining armor syndrome".

In her book, "Why We Love" author Helen Fisher states that: millions of years of protecting and providing for women has bred into the male brain this tendency to choose women they feel they need to save. What separates man from animal is his ability to think and reason. Just because it may be natural for men to be chivalrous, it doesn't mean they can't place a limit on just how far they will go.

Should they open a door, pull out a chair, take a woman's hand when crossing the street or give her their jacket if she's cold? Absolutely. Should they try to save a woman whose life is a mess? They do so at their own peril.

Men try to save damsels in distress because it makes them feel powerful, in control and manly. Sometimes they are afraid of women and think they won't be rejected if they fix a woman's problems. They hide their inadequacies behind what looks like strength. They know they don't have their act together, so instead of working on themselves they'd rather work on someone else. Such relationships are doomed to fail.

If these men really were strong, they would not be trying to save someone that appears to be a victim. They don't realize that aside from a few circumstances beyond one's control (acts of God, accidents, disease, etc.) one's position in life is based on who they are on the inside, not someone or something "out there". There is an axiom that says: There are no victims, only volunteers.

Knights believe that if the woman gets better, she'll become the perfect girlfriend. The only problem is that if she does become healthy, she will not want to be with someone who is so flawed that he tolerated being with a "broken-winged bird". Healthy people do not want to be with unhealthy people.

On the other hand, if she doesn't get better, the man will never have the perfect girlfriend because he won't get his needs met. In addition, his fears of an intimate relationship will not be repaired by staying with an inadequate woman. It's a no-win situation.

Why else do men choose damsels in distress? According to Dr. Laura in her book, "Ten Things Men Do To Mess Up Their Lives" other reasons for "stupid chivalry" are: guilt for past transgressions and lifestyles, feelings of real or imagined inadequacies, fear of the pain of abandonment, loneliness, ego aggrandizement, fears about women's (aka Mom's) approval and acceptance and a fragmented sense of masculinity. If you're currently trying to be a knight in shining armor, what's your reason?

Just because a man doesn't acknowledge that a woman is responsible for her circumstances, it doesn't mean those same circumstances won't come back to bite him in the butt at some future date. Larry Birkhead's life is now chaotic as the result of trying to save a woman whose life was chaotic. Would you want to be in his shoes?

And for the record, I don't want you to be miserable, otherwise I wouldn't waste my time with this, same goes for the majority of the people here, and all those who've posted in your thread.

Think about that.

[SYoungGuy]

No, see, I'm honest, and don't put a the bullshit two toned face you do. Read your quoted statements above in bold.

Semantics aside, I have only had 1 relationship in my life, and it's very good, very healthy. Did I have to fight for her? Yes, a little bit, and I could dig up the thread from 2 years back to show you. In it you would see that while I put in a valiant effort to fight for the relationship (not her, there is an important difference), I had a pre-established limit on my efforts. In fact I reached that limit, and was willing to let the romantic relationship go, because anything more is obsessive and unhealthy. But things worked out.

But you haven't even meet this girl, and you think you're no different from the average guy? I scrounged this up for guys just like you, that come here to argue. And here's the deal, not a single one of you have come around to heed our advice, nor have any one of you come back and posted their successes.

Your self descriptions of your trouble past, and your melodramatic means to "woo" this girl over and "save", and insistence that every other guy out there is a cheating dog (aka you're full of yourself), and general lack of grasp on reality are dripping with shining knight syndrome:



And for the record, I don't want you to be miserable, otherwise I wouldn't waste my time with this, same goes for the majority of the people here, and all those who've posted in your thread.

Think about that.

okay thank you man for your concern. I guess you could just say this would be an experience for me. It may fail like everyone is saying, but at least i got to experience it first hand, instead of believing everyone and letting this go. Come Marchish during Spring Break me and her both have agreed for me to come visit because of her age she would not be able to come here(strict parents you could say). Who knows this may all be a lie, i have thought about that, but than i thought "what if i were wrong" so i am going with my gut. If i get hhurt so be it, this is not fully about me.


Any pointers to make this "relationship" as strong as it was before? I mean it is still strong, I can see it slowly fading. But the fading was my fault not hers, and i do not want her to suffer for it. Not exactly saying she would, but i believe she may.

I am a big "what if" guy and i have to see stuff to believe it, that is why i do not count on numbers to live my life, or show me what to do with my life. If i have a gut instinct i will go with it, it may be the wrong thing from what all of you are saying, but i need to kno if it is true, i need to know if i am able to love in this world after what i did in my past.


thank you all

[Lite]

Any pointers to make this "relationship" as strong as it was before?

Uhm, why don't you just start over again and take it from dating. Redevelop connections and build a real, caring, loving relationship instead of some headbound chemical powertrip that burns out in a few days.

[SYoungGuy]

Uhm, why don't you just start over again and take it from dating. Redevelop connections and build a real, caring, loving relationship instead of some headbound chemical powertrip that burns out in a few days.

First i consider that from running, i promised myself i wouldnt run from love again, i refuse to let it slip out of my fingertips again as i run away.

Second as much as you consider it "unreal?" i thought just like you before i met her. I thought edating was completely weird at first, until i actually experienced it first hand. I will believe and will continue to believe that it is real until she proves me wrong.

This chemical powertrip, yes i have had these "trips" and times of feeling high with my past relationships, but i cannot say, from what i recall, that i have had these powertrips since i have been talking to Kailee "Kai" for the past 4 months, not a few days.

It was getting stronger and stronger until i wanted to test somthing somebody on here told me what to do, and it ended up hurting what we together have built up. I was the one to mess it up, i believe i hurt her, but when i hurt her it was not actually me "the real me" talking to her, it was a dumb mistake and acted upon silly advice on here.

Then you may ask why i continue to ask for advice on here, well i am not certain but i trust most everyone on here, especially the people with high post counts. I take everyones advice into consideration, i just dont always follow through with that advice.

Now for me being a "knight in shining armor" that is wrong in everyway. I know for a fact i cannot give Kai all the love she deserves, BUT i will be damned if i do not give it my all.

If you want complete reasoning of why i think the way i do, i would have to tell you in an Im because the shit i have on my back is very very emotional and private, and i do not think i could come out and say it to the public. Frasbee that is why i deleted my personal stuff in previous threads.

You would have to understand me, to understand the way i think. I am 100% aware of what im doing, you cannot compare me to the other people who seem simalar to me. And you also have to understand why i acted upon Kailee the way that i did. 4 months ago i was thinking EXACTLY like the both of you "lite frasbee". Except i experienced it first hand, i do not base my life of of numbers.

If you want the 100% full accurate story, i would have to PM it to you since i finally got my 15 posts thanks to you, or i could Instant message it thru AIM or windows live(hotmail/msn).

[Lite]

Uh yeah, see here's your problem. You believe you're the exception to the rule. Just like everyone else in your shoes.

I've been there, I've been in such relationships. I know how real they feel. I also know how real they are not. You're talking to someone who just married someone he met in the manner you're describing. Low point in life, yadda. And it went very badly the first time. Eventually years later we came back together when we were both in better places, and found we were able to make it work without personal pain as a catalyst for the relationship.

[Junket]

Yeah, he's running off emotions, which is like putting dumping alcohol in your gas tank. Yes, it may burn, and burn hot, but it's gonna destroy the car.

And yes, you definitely fit this shining knight description, whether you like it or not, you've already stated that you think this girl will "come to her senses" in reference to what a quality guy you are compared to what you consider "all the average guys". Secondly, you've already mentioned your troubled past, refer to the line "guilt for past transgressions and lifestyles". You've changed your ways, and your way of thinking (no matter how elitist it may be). Super, but that doesn't mean you're fixed yet.

I would suspect that as long as you're in the mindset you're in now, you're going to continue to have trouble with relationships. As long as your mind is consumed by your emotions, you're going to have problems with relationships. How much money do you gamble away before you quit?

You know the term "it's not how big it is, it's how you use it"? Let's apply it to this. No matter how in love, or infatuated, desperate, dedicated you may be, if you don't put that energy to good, effective, efficient use, you're only going to sabotage your relationships. That means you have to use your brain. Which means you don't go throwing yourself at any woman like a desperate hopeless romantic.

If you can't use your brain, use ours.

Ours aren't drowning in dopamine.

[SYoungGuy]

Okay here is why i think the way i do. this is all in order keep in mind i lived in the streets, and after all this i am not looking for any sympathy, these were all my choices.

1. when i was 15 ex-gf committed suicide - was my fault
2. I treated people poorly and looked for no help from nobody.
3. when i was 17 my best friend since gradeschool died in my arms, i ran away after i seen the gun, so he died instead of me i always told him id take a bullet from him, either way it was my fault and i should be the one dead not him or have died with him. - was all my fault.

After his death i had no intention to live anymore, like i stated before i want to now live my life helping other people no matter what pain i have to go through to achieve that goal.

4. Family abandoned me because i got my cousin high for his first time.
5. That particular cousin got himself into a killed or be-killed situation, and i had to do what i thought was right and got him out of the mess and got him located elsewhere, because by then i knew fighting physically was never an answer.

Now with all that stated, i had my second ACL reconstruction which subsided my thoughts for joining the marine corps for another 2 years after the surgery (bout 17 months from now). During that period I ran into Kai, whom at first i didnt like at all because my first thought was like, 'why associate myself with another femlae that can **** me over later', but i was dead wrong and she showed that to me, without me even asking she came to me wondering about me. I then heard about her situation and had no intention of liking her the way i do now. I wanted to only Help her at first give her somthing that she deserves but has never gotten. I supported her during her surgery. And let me tell you, there is no way to describe how i felt when i hadnt heard from her in a week, not knowing what happend to her(this is when i realized i had feelings for her). Then around halloween i got a phone call from a hospital, and it was her telling me she was alive and just woke up. she sounded depressed because nobody was with her at that time, so i told her how worried i was and how happy i was and explained every single emotion that was going thru my mind at the time. She went to sleep with a smile on her face i could tell you that.






Basically if you didnt want to read all that, i have few things in life that i think i have left for me. The main thing i want to do is treat everyone with respect, even if they are lower than me. I want to find "love" with somebody who could be a good role-model for my children in case you know, somthing happens to me. I may be rushing this too fast at my age, but as i look forward to my future, i have this feeling that my life is not going to last much longer, so i want to do everything i can to make everyone happy even if it is as simple as a smile. I want to take everyones pain away, and put it on my shoulders, i want to carry other peoples pains. i have seen the worst cases of pain, and i felt sorry for them.


I know i am one voice and i will make no difference in this world, I know that i am unimportant to everyone. But i want to give back to everyone, including the people i have hurt, before it becomes too late.

[SYoungGuy]

And frasbee, maybe you are right man, maybe i am better off being a single person. That way, i will not be able to hurt anyone i care about anymore.

Maybe i am a joke, i have been talking to her telling her what people have hinted to me to say on here. And it only seems as if im driving her further away. i think i am going to stop hurting her, and confusing her and myself. I think i will tell her that its better for me not to talk to her because i myay end up hurting her even more. You were right from the begining bro, i am a pathetic tool. If i stay single i would not have these emotions that have so much control over me.