This doesn't feel like a normal breakup

[Lizzyb6938]

Hi, I've been broken up with my bf of 2.5 years for over a month now. Were both 21. He initiated the breakup. We then saw each other a week after the break up we had a wonderful day and he said he wanted to make it work, he missed me and loved me (the reason we broke up is petty fights, he's nervous about pressures of starting med next year) but i could tell that he was still confused. I said lets just leave it for a while until you come back from going away (he went to europe for a month). It was a tad weird before he went away which made me question what he said.

Neways since he's been away I've had three picture messages- one of him with audrey hepburn at madame tussauds (because our first date was breakfast at tiffany's at the moonlight cinema) saying 'catching up with an old friend, was wondering if you'd like to join us.' He's said 'i miss you' in a message, and sent 4 facebook emails all talking about his trip, asking what i've been up to and saying i miss you at the end. I've been playing it cool when replying and have been having loads of fun back home, even dating a little.

Do you think this is all game playing or he actually wants to reconcile? This really is not like any other breakups I've heard of.

[carl1222]

Game playing on whose part ... his or yours???

Carl.

[Muffin Princess]

He realises he's made a mistake and wants you back, I don't think he's playing a game; he told you he misses you and loves you. He thought he wanted to break up, but once you were apart, he realised what he's thrown away. Would you give him another chance when he got back from travelling? Have you told him you've been dating other people, if so, what was his reaction? How would you feel if he started dating other people?

[Lizzyb6938]

Game playing on whose part ... his or yours???

Carl.

haha true actually now i think about it. It's so ironic coz we've never played games before and now i feel like were in a game which i'm very much playing. I don't want to play games anymore, it's emotionally exhausting. I know that I want to be with him, going on a couple of dates has really reinforced this.

Yeah i would give him another chance, I miss him like crazy but I'd make him work for it, he'd have to prove that it's not just words. No he doesn't know, I'll tell him the truth. I'm sure he's hooked up with a girl or two since he's been gone. I would be really upset if he's dated anyone so I guess I really need to stop if there's any chance of reconcilliation. i only really did it as a defensive mechanism so if he didn't come back i wouldn't feel like I've been waiting around like an idiot.

he told me he's written me a letter so I guess all will be revealed then :-)

[Muffin Princess]

Good luck, let us know what happens!

[lesa]

Stop being dramatic and stop having petty fights. He wants a stress-free relationship and doesn't need unneccessary drama. That's his hint.

If you think you cannot provide that then leave him alone.

On second thought after rereading post 4, I say just leave him alone. It doesn't sound like you can remain drama free.

[Lizzyb6938]

for most of the two and a half years we didn't have petty fights, it was only towards the end because i was getting stupidly nervous about him going on contiki with three of his single friends.

trust me i'm not a complicated girlfriend. in fact i was called the cool girlfriend by all his friends because unlike the other girlfriends in the group I let Matt hang out with the boys all the time while I hung out with my own friends and in general we had very little drama's.

[Lite]

For someone who is very low drama, you seem very high on it lately. Are you sure you're low drama, or do you just like to claim you're low drama in some fashionable attempt to suffer from delusions of adequacy as a mate?

[ecojeanne]

lol lizzy maybe you are dramatic, so what... dramatic people are fun too.

[TeeDub]

Seems to me like he's enjoying the attention maybe? Maybe you're playing it a little too cool for him?

[Serious]

I think you both should get together again.

[Lizzyb6938]

For someone who is very low drama, you seem very high on it lately. Are you sure you're low drama, or do you just like to claim you're low drama in some fashionable attempt to suffer from delusions of adequacy as a mate?

lol strong words. i think during the relationship i was pretty low drama, but since the breakup i've become a little neurotic and analysed everything to death. whoops!
well we've been chatting since he got back, not much about the relationship, just nice, friendly chats. hopefully we'll have a catch up soon. but i'm just letting him go at his own pace and being nice when he reaches out. still going out and having fun during the process too.

[Lite]

lol strong words. i think during the relationship i was pretty low drama, but since the breakup i've become a little neurotic and analysed everything to death. whoops!
well we've been chatting since he got back, not much about the relationship, just nice, friendly chats. hopefully we'll have a catch up soon. but i'm just letting him go at his own pace and being nice when he reaches out. still going out and having fun during the process too.

Yeah, funny how that works eh? I use strong words because when people are hurting it's really often the only way to get their attention and make them think. Their first reaction is usually anger, which is actually useful. Anger is far more useful an emotion than depression and sadness.

Anyway, just take it easy and do what's right for you. Try not to overthink things. Typically your first instinct is actually the right one. It's when you overthink things and what I call "the little hamster brain" takes over with tiny neurotic whispers that he's out ****ing some other girl wearing a rodeo clown outfit while she screams "PULL MY FINGER BITCH!" or some other equally unhelpful scenario starts to evolve in your brain over and over until you've fleshed out enough detail that you almost believe it to be real and start accusing people of shit.

[Lizzyb6938]

OK so we're meeting up on saturday. am extremely nervous.
any last words anyone?

[Lite]

OK so we're meeting up on saturday. am extremely nervous.
any last words anyone?

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