Need a man's help here

[adria37]

I married a man 10/10/2005. I thought he was a perfect guy. He wanted to do everything right, no living together etc. We married and he had trouble performing sexually. We have not had sex more than 5 times. The last attempt was almost 3 years ago. He is good to me, says he loves me, etc. He is only 41 years old.

He has been to several doctors including a urologist. He has had hormone levels checked. Pretty much the entire work up. He left yesterday for pre deployment. So we are looking at another year of no sex. I later found out that his last marriage failed because of no sex. I feel like he lied to me. I just don't understand this.

It is causing me to question my own desirability and I am so depressed. I don't think I have ever been this depressed. I had decided to end the marriage but now he is deploying and think it would be horrible for me to end it now.

Please any advice or suggestions about what is wrong or how to fix this would be appreciated.

[Mallory]

I am not a man but i'd still like to say something.

Has he seen a psychologist as well? Maybe he has some sort of psychological blockade.

Don't question your desirability - he would not have married you if he wasn't attracted to you.

[adria37]

That is the only avenue we have not explored. I did ask him if he was gay and he vehemently denied that he was. He is now deployed and is trying to lose weight he thinks this may be part of the problem. I get so tired of hearing how he use to be that I could just puke. It makes me feel less of a woman.

I have noticed that he has tiny balls and not much in penis size but this can be worked around. I just wonder if there is something physically wrong. He denies any injury. I do know that he is infertile based on an actual sperm count.

When he does ejaculate his sperm is almost like water and it is very copious. Anyway I am still sexless and it looks like 2009 is going to be sexless too. I am so desperate I am starting to look for FWB's and NSA sex.

[vashti]

If he's been to a doctor, I am sure they have checked him out for diabetes and blood pressure issues, and so I doubt this is a physical problem, unless he is perhaps taking any medications? As for testosterone levels - there is a range of what is considered normal. He may just be at the low end of the range, and the characteristics of his semen aren't really relevant to his problem, so far as I know.

Honestly, your timing sucks. I don't think you should have waited this long to take real action, because you are right - it would be cruel to leave him right before he is deployed, and although I don't believe you should have to live a life without sex, I can't really condone cheating on a decent guy. You should have divorced him sooner.

[adria37]

I know that but there was a death in the family and the time just never seemed right. I am not going to leave him now and truth be told I won't cheat. I would have months ago if that were really an option. I am just so and frustrated kwim.

[damn2008]

Has he tried taking viagra or anything like that to help him out?

I do agree that you've waited too long to figure this out.

[adria37]

He has taken Viagra, Cialis, and Levitra still nothing. He has no morning erections either. It is almost like he is asexual.

[Illusional]

this is why women cheat..... hey, i'm single if you're asking.

raverboy

[Mish]

I'm sorry to say this, but this really sux. It could be psychological or he could've turned asexual (if such a thing is possible).

This is one of the reasons I advocate exploring sexual compatibility before marriage, to avoid issues like these. Now it looks like you are stuck with it

[lesa]

It's time to consider the penile prosthesis AKA penile implant. There are several to choose from. It is a surgical procedure that men do for themselves and I think it will improve his self esteem and your love life greatly.

[Mish]

It's time to consider the penile prosthesis AKA penile implant.

A prosthetic penis?

LOL

Sorry, this is the first time I'm hearing of such a thing. For some reason I find it hilarious I looked it up and it works too!


Just out of curiosity, is there a prosthetic that can be put on a woman if she has extremely low (incurable) libido?

[vashti]

A woman doesn't need a prosthesis; she can still have sex without a high libido.

[lesa]

Just out of curiosity, is there a prosthetic that can be put on a woman if she has extremely low (incurable) libido?

testosterone implant? lol That may be too much and who knows what that will do to her femininity.

Like vashti said, luckily women can still have sex although she may not be "sexing him" up hehe.

[Mish]

Yeh, that's true. I guess the real question is whether she "wants" to do it with a low libido. It maybe a hard convincing.

[doppelgaenger]

Get one of those vibrating prostate stimulator things, lube it up and shove it up his ass.

Have you tried anything like that yet?

I know, funny reply, but seriously you should try it.

Also, has he been giving you oral? I mean, ya gotta eat the pussy. That's like part of the marriage contract!