A question for women: what things related to sex do you find to be too slutty?

[sarah_rsl]

Yes, in the military you do need to adjust to your surroundings, but not at the cost of changing who you fundamentally are. The military isn't about changing you into something you're not... it's about making the best out of what you already have. Changing you would be temporary and doomed to fail... this is known.

Quite a few of those women kind of deserved the 'hysterical' label... because, well, they were hysterical. But I noticed that MOST did not have that stigma.

You're suppose to get on with your job... I fail to see why one should be rewarded for what all the other soldiers are expected to do.

I think the threads gone off on a tangent and its partly my fault. The statement that I quoted is on the face of it outrageous. It is basically a fairly vulgar articulation of how many men view women in authority. I think when men have sex they somehow see it as bending the woman to their will.

Consider common expressions men use like 'cock sucker' as an insult '****ed in the arse' to describe being messed about, or how about simply men consider the act of sex to be '****ing' the woman.

Actually the example I gave has more back story at the time there was a push to put women into front line roles, which caused a storm and it didn't happen in the end. I asked this guy why apart from the physiological issues would he not accept women in the infantry. What he said basically, was that the very act of sex compromised women at least with a view to exercising authority over men.

Here's an example from history, Elizabeth I the very first woman to fully exercise control over a major nation state. She had to go to great lengths to promote her virginity. Because she knew once married that her authority would be etched away. 400 years later and we've only moved on a little bit.

Winning the respect of the male soldiers can be a wonderful side effect of doing your job... but it's not something you really have to 'try' to do. Sounds like you weren't wanting their respect... you were simply wanting them to like you. Respect and liking are two different things. You can like someone and not respect them... and you can hate someone and still respect them.

That's an important point, and I think one of the things you're basing it on is how unconcerned I was by this guys statement. Basically he wasn't in my unit he was part of an all male infantry regiment, I was in the signals which was a mxture and if a male signaller had said that I would have gone crazy, and later other people would have gone crazy and his life wouldn't have been worth living. So essentially his views didn't affect me or any other women. They might be offensive to many people but he only voiced them when I asked him for his honest opinion. I actually enjoyed the conversation to be honest. He showed me a degree of trust by voicing an opinion that could have gotten him in a lot of trouble and I appreciated that. He also listened when I argued with him and made a genuine effort to explain his thinking once he saw I was trying to understan

Was he a mysogynist? well I don't throw the term around lightly. I don'tbelieve so, he was pretty well adjusted I think, slightly old fashioned. I don't want to go into specific details but there was a lot to like about the man, and while I was willing to challenge his opinions I wasn't going to hold them against him

[Aeradalia]

Men tend to be more sexual than women... so it makes sense that more of their insults would be derived from sexual implications. This might even be separate in most regards to their views of women.

Women can be authoritative figures when they STOP giving credence to their perceived sexual role and focus more on earning RESPECT. It takes a smart woman to realize she's not going to win the argument with a man about who's the dominant one in traditional sex... rather she needs to evolve away from this and develop her leadership skills and be honest with herself in regards to her limitations.

Of course he was a misogynist and maybe he liked you, but still viewed you as inferior... so you earned absolutely no respect from the man. Rather, you mistook liking for respect. He may have come to the conclusion that you accepted your role of being inferior... and this further strengthened his misogynistic beliefs. This conversation was not pivotal and neither you or him gained anything worthwhile from it.

[sarah_rsl]

Women can be authoritative figures when they STOP giving credence to their perceived sexual role and focus more on earning RESPECT. It takes a smart woman to realize she's not going to win the argument with a man about who's the dominant one in traditional sex... rather she needs to evolve away from this and develop her leadership skills and be honest with herself in regards to her limitations.

Of course he was a misogynist and maybe he liked you, but still viewed you as inferior... so you earned absolutely no respect from the man. Rather, you mistook liking for respect. He may have come to the conclusion that you accepted your role of being inferior... and this further strengthened his misogynistic beliefs. This conversation was not pivotal and neither you or him gained anything worthwhile from it.

I'll argue with anybody that is willing to listen and engage with me. He was both and the arguement was worth having. As regards my own limitations, I served 11 years in the army deployed operationally to Kosovo, Bosnia, Northern Ireland, Iraq (twice) and Afghanistan. I have a healthy view of my limitations.

Anywho back to what I wrote, he spoke about potential women in the infantry, well there aren't any women in the Infantry so essentially he was referring to women that don't exist. The infantry consists of hyper aggressive alpha males with a casual approach to violence but apart from that they're brilliant blokes. I could have stamped my foot and stormed off but I enjoyed my time with him he was good company so my mates and I stayed and had a drink with him and his mates.

As for whether or not he respected me, well he respected me on a professional level as a person in general I think so, we got on pretty well and I got an invite to his wedding though I couldn't go.

[Bo]

Slutty has nothing to do with acts you perform. It's the amount of men you perform them with and the ease with which you slide your legs open for people that really defines Slutty.

Oral and anal sex in and of themselves are not slut behaviors. Honestly, Arrow, it seems that she was overreacting a tiny bit. Although maybe it was just too early to talk about such things with her. Like too much too soon maybe?

definitely agree with starbuck. I don't view doing any sexual things with a person you care about as slutty. Now it's a different story if they're going off screwing anyone and then videotaping it for the world to see.
She thinks women to give bj's are bitches? hmm. she's how old?

Apparently she's making ignorant generalizations about the vast majority of women in the world. So she thinks having sex is ok, but oral makes u a bitch? That doesn't make any sense.

what about lesbians, if they go down on a women that makes them a bitch than? well damn, we've got a lot of bitches in the world.
Everyone's got their own limitations as to what they are comfortable with and by all means i can respect that. But going around and judging what ppl do behind closed doors is quite bitchy in itself, wouldn't u agree? People have a right to do whatever they want to do sexually with a person and they shouldn't feel embarrassed about it either.

[Aeradalia]

I don't view doing any sexual things with a person you care about as slutty. Now it's a different story if they're going off screwing anyone and then videotaping it for the world to see.

Apparently she's making ignorant generalizations about the vast majority of women in the world.

Everyone's got their own limitations as to what they are comfortable with and by all means i can respect that. But going around and judging what ppl do behind closed doors is quite bitchy in itself, wouldn't u agree? People have a right to do whatever they want to do sexually with a person and they shouldn't feel embarrassed about it either.

I agree... She is making ignorant generalizations about the vast majority of women and what you do sexually with the one you love is not slutty... and that includes oral sex.

I'll argue with anybody that is willing to listen and engage with me.

I've learned my lesson and will not make the same mistake again.

[IndiReloaded]

Had to post this here because it was more adequate.

Anyway, this is the question. I want to know because, well, I went to bed with a girl who had a knack for being naughty, but didn't take it so lightly when I made a sex joke.

She claimed "girls who do oral sex are bitches". I was actually surprised she was so conventional because she was older than me by a good amount and seemed really offended when I mentioned oral and anal... Of course, I won't do stuff a girl doesn't want me to, but she took it that way and interpreted it as if I would force her to do that.

Arrow, sorry this thread digressed but the answer to your question is: this gal is making a generalization that is obviously untrue.

That should tell you immediately this gal has certain issues about sex, at least about oral/anal & possibly about other things also.

Sex is like ice cream. Some ppl like plain vanilla and others are willing to try green wasabi. As you've seen from the responses here, plenty of women enjoy all sorts of sexual flavours.

If YOU are the sort of person that enjoys trying new things, then this gal is probably not going to be a good fit for you. Thats really the upshot of your question, its nothing to do with 'sluttiness'.

Hope this helps.

[Charlie Boy II]

"girls who do oral sex are bitches" - it's just such an outrageous statement it actually made me laugh out loud.

[Bo]

"girls who do oral sex are bitches" - it's just such an outrageous statement it actually made me laugh out loud.

really? it made me cringe a little.

[starbuck]

I guess I'm a bitch then.

[vashti]

They don't call you the bitch queen for nothing!

[Only-virgins]

Why are you asking women questions? Don't you know that they know nothing? Not even about themselves.

[Arrow]

Arrow, sorry this thread digressed but the answer to your question is: this gal is making a generalization that is obviously untrue.

That should tell you immediately this gal has certain issues about sex, at least about oral/anal & possibly about other things also.

Sex is like ice cream. Some ppl like plain vanilla and others are willing to try green wasabi. As you've seen from the responses here, plenty of women enjoy all sorts of sexual flavours.

If YOU are the sort of person that enjoys trying new things, then this gal is probably not going to be a good fit for you. Thats really the upshot of your question, its nothing to do with 'sluttiness'.

Hope this helps.

Hey Indi, I love derailed threads, don't worry! I enjoyed reading all the comments.

You're right in everything you've said. This girl was just a friend I wanted to spend New Years' Eve with and we both agreed that no love would sprout from that.

However, she had the brilliant idea of taking her child daughter along and, by the time we arrived at our destination, I was pretty much forced to play daddy role since she insisted that her daughter couldn't be alone for much time. We travelled all night (with me driving) and I was without sleep, but they both were complaining I wasn't being participative.

She then mentioned she wanted to bring a girl friend who she claimed was attracted to me and, while we were making out, I joked about a threesome. That's when it all started. We had a hard fight and I decided we would be coming back because we were behaving like a married couple and the point of the trip was to have fun and not worry about silly things. She then claimed I made herself look like a fool and the daughter had her expectations frustrated, and called me egotistical, but we came back nonetheless.

I took her back home, it was a 3-hour-long drive in the middle of the night, shut off the air conditioner in the car when her daughter complained about how cold it was, well, I know my attitude wasn't the best but I still did what I should've, which was to take her back safely. When we arrived she decided it was time to insult me and called me a snoring and farting fat pig (ironic since she's a smoker and her hair had a horrible smell... my car was in a pestilent state afterwards), said that she only kissed me in the first place because she was drunk the night we hung out (no matter, she still did what she wanted to), and that I was the worst guy she'd ever slept with (as if she was anything great in bed!!! riiiight... ). I returned the favour but that's not important.

She does have issues with sex IMO. She said she went without sex for 6 years.

[vashti]

This all happened in front of her little girl? Ugh. Run for the hills. She's freakin' nuts.

[Arrow]

This all happened in front of her little girl? Ugh. Run for the hills. She's freakin' nuts.

I already have! Travelling with her was the biggest mistake of my life. I didn't feel the "connection", she wasn't a good talk partner and not a good **** buddy by any means since she was below-average looking and totally out of sync with what I like in a woman (physically speaking)... In short, the idea was to just have fun and some sex and we both were well aware of that, but things didn't go as planned.

I wasn't so pissed off with what happened as I was with what ensued afterwards... I crashed my car and had to spend New Years Eve with my twisted family...

[IndiReloaded]

Come on Arrow, you know better than to get yourself involved with a gal w/a kid unless you are really in deep.

She's obviously an irresponsible parent, but that doesn't excuse you. A kid is still a kid and ALL adults should do what's best for them. Sometimes its all the more important when the parents suck. I'm glad you drove them home safe, it was the right thing to do, but even better would to not have gotten into that situation in the first place.