Contacting an Ex-Girlfriend?

[AirbenderAang]

Hi everybody. This post is kind of long, but I will appreciate any who read it and respond.

I am considering contacting my ex-girlfriend, who I was with for a little over a year. We broke up a year ago and have been out of contact for half a year. We were really close while we were together and I am thinking that we might finally be ready to be friends.

While we were together, we had a lot of ups and downs. In the end, I broke up with her because I did not love her and was not happy with the relationship. I was merely content and I could not keep fighting with her about how I didn’t love her enough. Then, we tried staying friends after the break-up. This was definitely not easy for me, but I still valued her as a person and I thought it was the right thing to do. Still though, it was incredibly messy. We lived in the same dorm and it seemed like she had all of these problems and insecurities. I tried to be supportive but it certainly took a toll on me. I was in my senior year of college and just wanted to graduate and be gone. Finally, 3 weeks before I graduated I told her that I had had enough. I could not be her friend anymore. We then broke off all contact and then fast forward 6 months to today.

These last 6 months have been very good to me. I think that I might finally be ready to contact her. I am not sure what I will get from contacting her, but part of me thinks it might be the right thing to do. Also part of me thinks that doing it will show that I have fully healed from the relationship. Lastly, maybe I will gain a friend.

On the other hand maybe it will just stir up a can of worms. It was not easy being her friend after the break-up and I definitely do not want to go back to that. She is an emotional person and I am a pretty sensitive person. I had had a hard time dealing with the intense feelings, like anger, sadness, and blame, that were thrown at me while we were together and after we broke up. I think most of the heavy feelings are gone. But part of me though, is still afraid of contacting her because it was such a hard time for me.

What are your guys thoughts on this? If you do think I should contact her, how should I do it? Call? Facebook? Text? AIM?

[lesa]

What a short time to have such issues in the relationship. It sounds like it can definitely be nothing more than friends.

I would be very careful and probably let her guide the friendship, if that's what she wants.

[Gigabitch]

Do not contact her. Maybe you think you're ready, but that's no guarantee she is. Remember- YOU broke up with HER. That, alone, is going to make it harder for her to get over than it is for you.

Leave her alone, man. You can't be friends with your ex.

[mDarkPoet]

I agree with Gigabitch.

Don't bother, move on, I'm sure she's been working on the process of moving on herself.

[carl1222]

You don't love her "that way"

She does love you "that way"

Leave the poor girl alone so she can find a man who loves her back.

One sided love can hurt for YEARS.

Carl.

[AirbenderAang]

Writing out the post and listening to your comments has made me decide to let it go. I'd been wanting a good friend and I doubt my ex would be that for me. I think it is better to keep that relationship to the past. Also, I shouldn't be so afraid to contact her if it was a good idea. Thank you all very much.

[Muffin Princess]

Yeah I can understand how you might want to start contacting her again, but as everyone says, it might still be too painful for her. I would wait and see if she decides to contact you, whenever she's ready. I admire your mature decision to leave her alone, good luck with everything.

[AirbenderAang]

Well this doesn't really change my decision, but there is a good chance that she wants to be friends with me. After we broke up, she was the one who wanted to remain friends the most. Also after we broke up, she said that she would always want to be my friend. Also, I was the one who told her I could not be in contact with her many more. I know that things change and that is not completely conclusive that she wants to be my friend. Yet if this was all about what she wanted, I should contact her and allow her to decide whether she wanted to be friends or not.

Again, I still plan to not contact my ex. I think some of you guys made the distinction between what she wants and what she needs. Also, I think I want and I need to let that relationship lie in the past.

[livingthelife]

If you truly want to be friends with your ex, you have to do a bit of soul searching. You must be totally honest with yourself. You have to decide if you and your ex get back together as just friends, will it truly make you happy, or will you wind up down the same road that caused the breakup in the first place?

It's always easy after a breakup to only think of the good times. It's important that you try to be completely objective and think of both the good and bad times because even though six months may seem like a long time, it's really not.

She's more than likely still trying to get over you and if you try to strike up a friendship now it may give her a false sense of hope of getting you back.