A question for women: what things related to sex do you find to be too slutty?

[Arrow]

Had to post this here because it was more adequate.

Anyway, this is the question. I want to know because, well, I went to bed with a girl who had a knack for being naughty, but didn't take it so lightly when I made a sex joke.

She claimed "girls who do oral sex are bitches". I was actually surprised she was so conventional because she was older than me by a good amount and seemed really offended when I mentioned oral and anal... Of course, I won't do stuff a girl doesn't want me to, but she took it that way and interpreted it as if I would force her to do that.

I think she was just one of a kind and pretty much overreacted, but I'd still like to know the opinion of the women here because I don't want to get into another tight situation...

[Aeradalia]

There aren't any things about sex itself I would find slutty. For me it's the disregard for ones own feelings or that of anothers that would demonstrate a sense of sluttiness. Now there are some things I will not do sexually, but it's not because I think they are too slutty... I just don't like them on the grounds of personal preference.

I think she just overreacted when she claimed "girls who do oral sex are bitches." Apparently she is under a misconception or simply stating a common stereotype.

[IndiReloaded]

Yep. Slutty is more about attitude towards sex. Its sort of how I view someone who eats uncontrollably and allows themselves to get hugely fat when they know its unhealthy.

[sarah_rsl]

Anyway, this is the question. I want to know because, well, I went to bed with a girl who had a knack for being naughty, but didn't take it so lightly when I made a sex joke.

She claimed "girls who do oral sex are bitches". I was actually surprised she was so conventional because she was older than me by a good amount and seemed really offended when I mentioned oral and anal... Of course, I won't do stuff a girl doesn't want me to, but she took it that way and interpreted it as if I would force her to do that.

A lot of women don't do oral sex it just doesn't mesh with their value system, it doesn't make them prudish/insecure/inhibited its just an intellectual choice they make.

On a related note, how many men use the term 'cock sucker' as an insult or the term 'take it up the ass' to mean they've been messed about.

What I'm trying to say is that the acts of oral and anal sex have a lot of baggage for men. They find both acts pleasurable yet many men often lose regard for women that perform them.

[starbuck]

Slutty has nothing to do with acts you perform. It's the amount of men you perform them with and the ease with which you slide your legs open for people that really defines Slutty.

Oral and anal sex in and of themselves are not slut behaviors. Honestly, Arrow, it seems that she was overreacting a tiny bit. Although maybe it was just too early to talk about such things with her. Like too much too soon maybe?

[starbuck]

A lot of women don't do oral sex it just doesn't mesh with their value system, it doesn't make them prudish/insecure/inhibited its just an intellectual choice they make.

Intellectual choice? Ok, whatever, Sar. Can you or someone else even explain to me what that means.

I sure hope those women you're talking about don't expect their boyfriends/husbands to go down on them either.

I can't imagine my sex life without oral. How f**king boring would that be?

[LadieNisha4u2nv]

So if a woman decides to give her man oral sex it is her making a choice that is not intellectual? The ****?

Shove your cock in her mouth and tell her stfu and gag.

LOL!

Seriously though, she did overreact. And if she is gonna generalize all oral givers as bitches, then tell her to but a Ms. in front of my bitch.

[Gigabitch]

I agree with the general consensus that it's never an act that is slutty but the attitude behind it.

I also see Sarah's point about how oral is perceived to be degrading by a large part of the population. Those people are idiots, but the fact remains that this isn't something that is unique to this one woman.

[starbuck]

Just to clarify: I'm not saying that a woman should do anything in bed that makes her uncomfortable. If she has personal reasons for not wanting to do oral, then that is her business.

But I wonder sometimes whether or not a woman who chooses not to do oral is doing so because SHE personally doesn't want to or is buying into that idiotic notion that it's somehow degrading.

BTW, let's not forget that many ancient cultures did not perceive oral sex as something degrading. Is anyone else watching "The History of Sex" on the History Channel? Fascinating series.

[ecojeanne]

Actually the thought of giving a guy a blowjob used to make me gag and wonder why women would ever want to do it? For a man? Crazy! with my last bf I read up on how to give good bj’s coz I wanted to let him enjoy them from me, I still disliked it every single time I gave him one, i despise them being honest but I will do it for someone I care deeply about, so yep I know why people don’t do them. I think the movies have a lot to play in the psyche behind the sluttiness and the feeling that women feel used in some way coz whenever you see a dramatic or slutty scene in a movie that’s always the one thing requested by a creep or given by a slut.

Also when it comes to things related to sex: i can't do 'dirty talk' i just can't do it, i don't know why, i mentally feel disgusted when i hear it, i can only do borderline flirty that’s all

[vashti]

I never knew that large portions of society considered oral sex degrading. I would only consider it degrading if it weren't reciprocated.

Anyway, back on topic - I personally wouldn't do photos. Ever.

EDIT: I also wouldn't talk dirty, but that is mostly because I find it distracting and kind of silly, not necessarily slutty.

[ecojeanne]

also i think the fact that giving a bj can usually mean the man is standing while the woman is kneeling (not always) but that in itself psycologically makes the idea of giving one for some women feel vulnerable possibly.

[sarah_rsl]

Intellectual choice? Ok, whatever, Sar. Can you or someone else even explain to me what that means.

Okay I'll try, well sometimes people before they do something sexual or otherwise... well they think about it. They ask themselves questions like will I regret doing this later, does it contradict values I have, how is it going to affect the way this other person views me. So they use their intellect to make decisions.

also i think the fact that giving a bj can usually mean the man is standing while the woman is kneeling (not always) but that in itself psycologically makes the idea of giving one for some women feel vulnerable possibly.

I'd tend to agree with that, romantic relationships like other relationships between people have a whole power struggle going on. And if you're on your knees sucking a guy off well power has definitely shifted away from you.

I knew this guy in the army, and he told me once that he could never take orders from a woman for the same reason that he couldn't take them from a gay man and thats that he couldn't accept as his superior a person that other men had shoved their dicks in. He wasn't in any sense a bad guy in many ways he was someone I admired but its just that part of the male psyche.

[starbuck]

Okay I'll try, well sometimes people before they do something sexual or otherwise... well they think about it. They ask themselves questions like will I regret doing this later, does it contradict values I have, how is it going to affect the way this other person views me. So they use their intellect to make decisions.

Ok, fair enough. But here's a thought: It's kind of a sexist trap for a woman to get into if she is thinking this way. See, she's assuming he's going to judge her as a whore for doing oral. So in essence, she must believe that she is a whore in some way for doing oral. In other words, she would be giving credit to the concept by buying into it. Why else would she be so afraid of how the guy judges her by performing oral?

I'm sorry, but it sounds more like a hang-up to me.

I'm all for taking it slow in a new relationship and not jumping into every sex act known to man, but in a commited, loving, monogamous relationship oral sex shouldn't be such a power play. Unless you're into the dom/sub thing in the bedroom.

Just my two cents.

[vashti]

I knew this guy in the army, and he told me once that he could never take orders from a woman for the same reason that he couldn't take them from a gay man and thats that he couldn't accept as his superior a person that other men had shoved their dicks in.

Wow, you make it sound like all those stereotypes about Army guys being dumber than dirt are true.