Pros and Cons

[Charlie Boy II]

This is a girl I've known for quite a while. Swapped the odd text message or message on Facebook but not really a close friend. We had a night on the town together on Sunday night and hooked up. I went back to her place with another girl and we kept partying. All three of us stayed in her bed, nothing dodgy happened though.

The next day we went to the beach. Ever since I have had a feeling in the bottom of my stomach that I haven't had for ages and ages.

She is 25 about to turn 26.

I'm excited about the possibilities, but I've also got some doubts, doubts that I couldn't pin down exactly so I thought I'd write them down. And then I thought I'd post them on here.

Cons
- Her voice is a bit screechy
- She is a friend and we share many similar friends. So if things go awry we will be stuck with each other.
- I'm still not sure I'm in the right headspace to be dating somebody
- After knowing her for so long as a friend, it feels odd to be thinking of her in this light.

Neutral/not sure
- She talks a lot
- She is extremely gregarious. She knows everyone. Goes out a lot.
- She comes from a very wealthy family. Drives a late model BMW and has her own apartment looking over the ocean. Meanwhile I'm going to be a student for the next three years.
- She has some history with a mate of mine. It's long over. I know my mate wouldn't give a f-ck and I can't say it really bothers me either.

Pros
- She has an incredible rig. I must admit I have used some of her bikinni photos on her facebook page as "stimulation" a number of times in the past.
- She is very pretty.
- She loves the beach and the ocean like me.
- She is extremely down to earth. I know few people who take themselves less seriously
- We have good chemistry, physically and in terms of our personalities.
- She has a good sense of humour.

I don't really know how she feels about it. My gut tells me she probably feels about the same.

Also if I was to pursue something, I'm not really sure how to play it.

[DoesntMatter]

- She has an incredible rig. I must admit I have used some of her bikinni photos on her facebook page as "stimulation" a number of times in the past.

Haha I must say I know how that goes!

[vashti]

Why don't you just take it slow, and start hanging out together a little more frequently until some of your concerns have been addressed? You don't have to jump straight into dating her...

EDIT: I laughed at the facebook stimulation, too.

[Lipp]

Well, I don't see the friendship as a problem. If you share friends it'll be easier to hang out alongside people you both know rather than trying to get to know strangers from her side, and if the two of you date but nothing springs up because of a lack of feelings you can just talk about it, shrug it off and remain friends.

[Cain]

I agree that I think any relationship you get into needs to be done slowly. And why not give it a try? If you like her, you like her.

[Charlie Boy II]

yeah but I'm not really sure how to play it.

Anyway, it feels nice to have this feeling again. I was starting to worry it had left me for good.

[starbuck]

Write her a message on FB and tell her you had fun, then ask her out again, and do something the both of you enjoy. If you're feeling flighty, maybe you should avoid overly romantic dates and opt for something more like a surf date? It's ok to just date her for a while. You don't have to make a full commitment to her anytime soon.

Don't put un-needed pressure on yourself, CB. Just have fun with the butterflies again.

[Charlie Boy II]

yeah it's funny, usually after I hook up with a girl I adopt an attitude of all-out pursue or ignore. I don't really have a middle gear.

Anyway, I guess I'll just take it easy: Maybe send her a text on NYE and set up a beach date.

[vashti]

I keep forgetting it is summer there in Australia.

What's NYE?

[Charlie Boy II]

yeah the weather's beautiful at the moment.

NYE: New Year's Eve, tomorrow night.

[starbuck]

yeah it's funny, usually after I hook up with a girl I adopt an attitude of all-out pursue or ignore. I don't really have a middle gear.

Anyway, I guess I'll just take it easy: Maybe send her a text on NYE and set up a beach date.

I'm kind of like that, too, in a way. And even worse, when I meet someone, I'm immediately launched into one of two "worrying" modes. I'm either worried about whether:

a. I like him enough
b. He likes me enough

Subsequently, I never get to enjoy the dating phase. I'm trying to curb this myself so I get more enjoyment out of the whole thing. I don't want to give myself wrinkles over dating.

Enjoy your date!

[Gigabitch]

I'll bet she uses your Facebook pics for "stimulation" as well. heh heh.

What is her dating history like? Has she had a string of casual associations or any serious boyfriends? And how do you keep getting into these near-miss three-way situations?

[misombra]

charlieboys not buying them enough drinks. or he's buying too many for one girl and not the other.

[Charlie Boy II]

Hah! The other night was not a prospective three-some. The other girl just said she didn't want to sleep on her own. And it was about 5am by the time we got to bed, so no one was feeling all that fiesty.

In terms of this girl's dating history - let's call her Sammy - has had mostly serious boyfriends with some significant stretches of singledom and some casual associations.

Anyway, she may well say no to a date, so this may all be moot anyway. I'm going to ask her today.

[misombra]

poor sammy. somebody should warn her.