He cheated more than 2 times.

[sthforreal]

Hello everybody. I am new here. So nice to meet u all =) My story is rather long. So thank for those who take time and read =)

I broke up with my boyfriend a month ago because he was unfaithful. We started off talking on the internet two years ago. We lived in 2 different countries, I know it might sound crazy to some people but it just happened. I fell for him cause I thought he was sweet and faithful like he claimed himself was. Well, his mum cheated on his dad and he always said he hated liars and cheaters, he wanted to have a family and he just said everything I wanted to have in the future. So i thought like yea this guy knows better how it affects the loved ones when someone cheats, and he def. loves what I loves and wants what I wants. He later told me he liked me and I said the same. Thats how we started.

I was so dedicated and so was he (at least he seemed like it), but 8 months later, he started acting a little different. He used to call me every morning and night, and he would sound so excited and all that. But then he seemed distant and he would say he was tired and wanted to go back to sleep. A few days later, I got on myspace, and I saw all the articles that he wrote about me, all the sweet things he put on his myspace were all deleted. In just one day, he deleted everything and thats when I knew he was with someone else. When I yelled at him on phone, he replied coldly and even sounded so annoyed and made me hang up (well, actually he hung up).

But we kept contacting after that, my friends told me to let go, but I still wanted him back. Then one of my friends created an account and added his new girlfriend and copied all the messages he wrote to her, my heart shattered. Every word he said to me he said to her. Those were exactly the same. And he even said thank you for that girl for giving him everything. He just simply said thank me for me being a nice person. I was all "WTF". I cried for a whole month, I couldn’t sleep or eat properly and he couldn’t care less. Then one day I copied those messages and yelled at him, he called and cried. And begged me to take him back coz he realized that he was making a huge mistake. I was convinced and I took him back. This whole thing happened on our first Valentine’s Day. How ironic was that?

Ever since then, he seemed “normal” again and no matter how mad I was at him because of what he did to me, he always seemed so patient and he was always here for me. He even bought a ticket and flew to my country to see me this July. I really thought we were going to be together forever. I mean he came all the way to see me, who would have thought that’s when the nightmare began?
So we spent 2 weeks together in person and he seemed like the perfect guy. He held me and kissed me like he loved me so much. I couldn’t tell what was wrong at all. He would stay up with me. He bought me flowers, he was so nice to my family and my friends, and everyone loved him. We even bought a pair of rings and he promised he would never take it off and I said the same. During the time he was here, he lived in my apartment with me and my family. So one night I came to hug him when he was using the computer chatting with someone, I saw the name and it seems like the short form of that girl’s name (the girl that he cheated on me with, lets call her A in the rest of the part). I asked who that was, and he calmly said HE was an old friend from town. I trusted him. (I wasn’t stupid but A’s name in short can really be a guy name, that’s why I trusted him) I also didn’t expect he would be talking with her at MY HOME on MY COMPUTER after he claimed he cut all contact with her 1.5 years ago. His lie was flawless, along with his emotions. He even looked into my eyes and held me close after saying those. He didn’t seem to be scared of me finding anything out. There’s just no sign that he was lying and cheating.

The day he left, we cried at the airport, he even complaint about me not holding him tight enough and all that. I thought we were unbreakable. I thought me and this guy were going to get married. I thought I was the luckiest girl ever.

In August, he acted weird again. He didn’t bother calling me. I asked him what was wrong and of course he said nothing and told me not to worry so much coz he wasn’t leaving me. There was one night that he didn’t call at all. I thought he was still asleep and he would be late for work (He’s a student but he had a part-time job). I called all night and no one picked up. I kept my phone next to me even when I went to bed. No one called back. Next morning, he still hadn’t called back. And then some time later I called again, he picked up and said he left his phone outside the store, he just rushed back and found it. I didn’t suspect that at all, I guess I was too worried about where he went and even ignored that stupid lie about he left his cell outside a store.

Whenever I asked what was wrong, he said he was stressed because of school and his dad.

In September, he continued being weird that he would disappear for a few days. He never picked up his phone when I called. And then on the third day, he sent me an email and said after he went to a concert with his mum, his phone died and the internet broke. I asked how he sent me that email but he never replied. Later that month, he got real sick. And I stayed on the internet with him all day every day, just in case when he woke up he could have someone to talk to. And somehow things seemed getting better. He said he wasn’t stressed anymore and apologized. He even called and just let me hear his voice for a second; he had a really bad throat problem at that time. I was melted and thought maybe I really worried too much before.

But then he became weird again in October, I couldn’t sleep properly at all. I always got up at like 3am and stayed online and waited for him to get on. I was so pathetic. Every time he got online, he didn’t stay for long. It’s like he was always busy.

In November, he seemed getting better somehow but it didn’t last for long. I got real mad at him one morning and that’s when he told me PART of the truth. (Damn, if I never got mad somehow, I would be fooled for longer. Things happen for a reason, they really do.) He told he had feelings for a girl, the first thing that came to my mind was that he and A got back together again. He said no, it was a different girl from his town. I couldn’t react at all. I was frozen.

I cried as soon as I could catch my breath again, he didn’t care and told me not to overreact. I called, he wouldn’t pick up. That was the most desperate moment that I ever had so far. I hacked in his email account, I know it was wrong but it was the only way to find out the truth. And I saw all these emails A sent him. And of course, his emails to A too. Needless to say what those emails were about.

I also found out they had sex together just when he got back to his country, in early August. I confronted with him. And I was right about the person he talked with on my computer. It was A. He told her he went to visit SOME FRIEND. He also told her he missed her.

It was so unbelievable; I never met someone that is so good at lying. I later confronted with A by using his account. The first thing she said to me was “Honey, I thought you were going.” I was far beyond any emotions; I can’t tell how I felt back then even now. I went to his facebook, and yes, it was exactly the same with what happened with his myspace the first time he cheated. He deleted me and my friends. He and A were calling each other husband and wife already.

He got pissed that I talked with his girlfriend, and he first called me bitch on MSN nonstop and then told me to **** off coz I was hurting his girlfriend. He even said A had always been his girlfriend and he only loved me 2 years ago. Then he called and told me to leave him and his girl alone and warned me not to call him again, then he hung up. I didn’t cry. I couldn’t even feel my heart. Later I went out with my friend, he called and said he was sorry. I didn’t forgive him of course.

I deleted him on MSN and blocked him. I never called him back. I threw away all the things he bought me, the photos we took together. I thought I could get rid of him. But then I got weak and unblocked him. He said he broke up with A. And she was nothing like me. Later he told me she cheated on him. (He said her friends told him so but I didn’t quite believe it)

Last week, he seemed like he wanted to start over everything with me again and said he would fix everything and even said “this world isn’t going to witness a fake love”. OH MY GOD. Anyway, just a few days ago, he told me he was going to kill himself. He said it a few times before too, honestly, I couldn’t care less if he really suicide, but the truth is he loves himself too much, he’ll never kill himself, I know it very well.

He said he was going to kill himself the next morning, I asked “Why wait?” He got pissed. I mean COME ON if you really wanted to kill yourself, do it now, who would wait until tomorrow? He blamed me for not saving him, well actually I was quite proud of myself sounding so cold to him in that conversation. Then he went to bed and told me not to give up on him and told me he loved me.

The next day, he got online, I said Hi. He was annoyed and said “I was saved” and then he gave me the name of the person who “saved” him. I was all confused but I knew it must be a girl name. He later told me she “saved” him by calling him. OH GOD. He also said now they are together … and he’s now an honest person and isn’t cheating on her. I said I never wanted to talk with him again and he agreed. But still he gave me all those romantic shit and thought I might stay with him. I didn’t. This time I walked away without turning back.

[sthforreal]

To those who are still reading, thank you. This is the first time that I cut someone out of my life. It hurts sometimes, I know he’s an ass, I guess I just miss those memories and the person that he pretended to be. Now I’ve lost faith in people. I don’t even know if I can love again. If anyone of you could give me some advice, I’ll appreciate it a lot. =)

[swargolet]

From the sounds it of, it seems like this is one of your first relationships. Is this true?
You have to remember that long distance relationships are extremely hard. You only met him once and it was for 2 weeks. Some people can go on living life without the physical touch of someone else and others can't. He was in need of that physical touch, and as much as you wanted to provide it you just couldnt. It seems like you were the mental/emotional side of a gf he wanted and 'A' was the physical side.
I think you did the right thing by moving on and completely removing him from your life. You will find someone else and that person will treat you like a goddess and be completely faithful. You need to remember it just takes time, it will take a couple relationships to find the right person, but he is out there somewhere.
Try and go out with some friends. Maybe go to some clubs just get out and meet people. You are probably thinking that you just want to get in a relationship right away, but dont think that way, just think about getting out there and meeting people.

[vashti]

Sorry, I didn't read the whole thing but I will tell you that internet relationships are generally a waste of time, and when you consider that many people have difficulties remaining faithful in the best of circumstances, it is inapproporiate for people living in two different countries to expect monogamy from someone they don't even know in the flesh.

I suggest you lick your wounds, and then restrict yourself to romantic relationships with people with whom you can interact with in person.

[sthforreal]

Swargolet,

Thank you for ur reply =) Yes, its one of my first relationships. I must be hopelessly naive that I really thought he could handle long distance relationship like he claimed. He just did a lot of things that made me believe he could do it. It's useless to say that now but I thought we could make it. It hurts when I see how fast he could move on and be with 2 different girls just in one month time.

Seriously, I'm not rushing for another relationship. I dun think about falling for someone now. But I truly hope that there's someone much better is out there waiting for me to find him. He doesnt have to be a perfect guy, at least I hope if he ever hurts me, the pain will be worthwhile.

[sthforreal]

Vashti,

Thanks for ur reply =) Sorry, this post is way tooo long. I guess I was just too stupid to think that he was just like me and he would stay faithful like he said. (But of coz, what kind of liar would admit he/she lies?) I've never had a relationship that I could say "wonderful" before, so when this ass came along and pretended to be someone that I wanted. I just fell for him.

And yea, I'm healing myself now. I cut him out of my life. To me now, not everything is possible.

[swargolet]

First relationships are always hard, there is usually too much hope in a first relationship. I know exactly how you feel how him moving on so fast. I found out today that my ex started dating a guy the day we broke up and she got sexual with him yesterday and we broke up less than a week ago. The only reason I can see why people can move on so fast is that they lost feelings awhile before the break up. You'd just think that the people that do move on so fast would at least respect the other person and maybe wait a little bit not only for self evaluation of what went wrong but also to prevent hurting the other person but I guess they dont really realize what we are going through.

Just keep your spirits high and try to think positively. The break-up I'm going through is ridiculously hard but I get through it by hanging out with friends, keeping busy (such as posting here), and looking at all the positives life has to offer.

[sthforreal]

Swargolet,

I couldnt agree more with ur point. Just sometimes I stress myself out thinking if I did something wrong so he moved on this fast. I mean this is ridiculous. What makes me angry is that he now claims he lives honestly and isnt cheating on his girlfriend (he told me that before i deleted him).

It's been two days since I removed him from my life completely. I really need to keep it this way and not looking back. I'll go on here posting to distract my mind too. Sometimes reading what others are going through helps clear my mind. =)

It must be so hard for u to get better. But I am proud of u that at least u tried to =) After all, we are the only people that can help ourselves, right?

[Lite]

I think if I were you I'd start addressing why you have this flexible boundary about a guy cheating on you. It should be an absolute deal breaker. Being the guy who has cheated on someone, I can say this absolutely.

[sthforreal]

Lite,

What do u mean by saying "flexible boundary" about a guy cheating on me?

[Gigabitch]

Burn me once, shame on you. Burn me twice, shame on me.

[Bo]

u did the right thing. he's a piece of shit and needs to learn how to be a real man. don't ever take his sorry ass back.

[Bo]

skanks and man-whores. we should ship em off to the land of no where.

[Muffin Princess]

Sorry, I didn't read the whole thing but I will tell you that internet relationships are generally a waste of time.

It wasn't a waste of time in my case. I met my ex on the internet, we chatted online for about six months before meeting in real life and we were together for five wonderful years.

But I suppose we lived in the same country so we could see each other quite often. Different countries must be so much harder.

[Muffin Princess]

sthforreal, you're doing the right thing cutting him out of your life. If he ever asks for another chance, DON'T GIVE IT TO HIM, no matter how charming he might be, he's done it twice already and he's just going to keep on doing it.
Stay strong and the man of your dreams will find you soon enough and treat you right.