Asked her out before Vacation, She said Yes...now what?

[damn2008]

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to all.

While I'm on a small break before the holiday stuff for the day I figured I'd get some opinions.

I had posted previously about how I was attracted to a co-worker of mine for a long time and I finally asked her out (I told her I'd like to take her out to dinner instead of pulling the full-blown "I've liked you for a long time") and she said "Yes". The issue was that I did it the day before I was taking a long vacation (this happened in early Dec.) and she knew about it all and such.

I'm sure she was aware I liked her as I was pretty obvious, perhaps she was waiting for me to ask and I asked before vacation so I could give her "space" in case it became awkward to her.

I just recently returned from my vacation and the next monday (dec. 29) we will both return to work. My question now is: NOW WHAT? I really doubt she will bring up the dinner to me first (from how I know her I just doubt she will) so I will have to "remind" her. Plus since I asked her out I'm sure she'll see it that I follow up.

I've asked a few friend's opinions and they've recommended IMing (we have Instant messanger at work for work purposes) her and phrasing it properly so she gets time to think. Also not to bring it up for a day or two of work as well.

Opinions would be appreciated!

[AirbenderAang]

We can now safely assume that she wants to go on a date with you.

So what you have to do is figure out 2 things. A)What should you guys do on your date?B) When is a time that will work for both of you?

A) You guys already agreed on dinner, so start with that. I suggest you keep it as informal as possible. You want to both be as comfortable as possible. What are you going to do afterward? You could end it at the meal, but I think it is best to sneak in as many activities/locations as possible. Finally, the goal should be for you both to have fun. So do something fun.

B) is purely logistical. Basically your standard approach is to suggest a few times. If she can't, well then ask her "well when are you available". For this, I HIGHLY recommend that you do it face to face. That way you can figure out the logistics in one go. 90% of the time it will work out with no problem if you do it face to face. Other ways take longer and give you less information if the girl flakes. If she can't make it, most likely she is busy. If she can't make the times you suggest, and will not suggest a better time then something changed and she does not want to go on a date with you. From her actions, I highly doubt that will happen.

Anyway, good job asking the girl out. You have already done most of the hard work. The rest is just following through/keeping up the momentum.

[Peter Pry]

I've asked a few friend's opinions and they've recommended IMing (we have Instant messanger at work for work purposes) her and phrasing it properly so she gets time to think. Also not to bring it up for a day or two of work as well.

Bad idea. She's already had a month to think about it. How much more thinking does she need to do? She has accepted your date. You need to accept her acceptance and realize that this date is going to happen.

If you ignore her for two days and then meekly IM her, it will seem to her that you're having second thoughts. You will seem less confident, and hence, less attractive to her. People are attracted to confidence. You need to acknowledge to her that the date is still on at the earliest possible convenience, and that you're happy and excited about it, because you ARE, right? "I've been looking forward to our date all month. I'm really excited to spend some time with you, and I've got some fun stuff planned. When is a good day?"

[1averagejoe]

Bad idea. She's already had a month to think about it. How much more thinking does she need to do? She has accepted your date. You need to accept her acceptance and realize that this date is going to happen.

If you ignore her for two days and then meekly IM her, it will seem to her that you're having second thoughts. You will seem less confident, and hence, less attractive to her. People are attracted to confidence. You need to acknowledge to her that the date is still on at the earliest possible convenience, and that you're happy and excited about it, because you ARE, right? "I've been looking forward to our date all month. I'm really excited to spend some time with you, and I've got some fun stuff planned. When is a good day?"

Couldn't have said it better.

Don't wait to ask her...you'll come off as having second thoughts or being a wimp for not asking her again. Like mentioned before, confidence is attractive. How old are you btw? Your friends advice was terrible. Do not im or text her! Really the only appropriate time for you to im her would be when you have already started going out. Also did she give you her IM? Or did your friends give it to you? Because that will come off as a little creepy if you somehow pop up and know her IM but she didn't give it to you.

I don't see why you're getting worked up about this. She's already said yes to going out on a date, it's not like she's going to reject your second advance. She doesn't need time to think about it. She already said YES!

[damn2008]

A little backstory...I'm 25, she's 28. we've known each other well for about a year and we are rather comfortable around each other. But as you guys might know...cause I like her, it is different from when I'm around her or flirting with her as I would with other girls. So me posting about it here is b/c I have a bad tendency some times to over-analyze things and plus...I don't want to screw this up. We both came off of long-term relationships early in 2008, I had no-contact with my ex- and she maintained a friendship with her ex- for a while until a few months ago when she finally told him there was no chance of them getting back together. I had mentioned hanging-out earlier in the year but possible "patch-ups with her ex-" and such had gotten in the way of that...so I backed off.

I see the reasoning behind IMing and I appreciate the advice on that, I do agree to keep things personal. The stuff about IMs is not a problem...we already have each other's IMs and she IMs me every day at work practically (she typically iniates the convos right in the morning)...it's just because we are in a work situation (she works in an office that works with mine but is directly across the hall) that I do not want to make things awkward. We are co-workers, but not "direct co-workers"...I know the whole jumbled "don't date co-workers mantra" but honestly a lot of people meet each other everywhere you know?

I already have some stuff planned for the date. We are both somewhat goofy, fun-loving people so I have something planned in addition to dinner. So no worries on that. It's actually just getting this ball rolling that is making me a little nervous...more so than usual.

Thanks all for the advice! Anything else is also appreciated.

[damn2008]

Thanks again for the advice everyone.

Kind of bummed out...turns out she never had a clue that I liked her. We had two long talks during work about everything...mostly about how she was clueless that I liked her...but she is comfortable around me. She said "yes" before b/c she thought we would be going out as friends, but changed to "I don't know" once she figured out it was b/c I had an interest in her (she prodded me some more because she commented that I was a little "too nervous" when I asked her out). However, we talked for a while in which she asked me all about how she didn't know, what clues I dropped...how long I have...yadda yadda. She geniunely also showed that she wanted me as a friend as well and didn't want me to treat her differently...which I won't, we were friends before I asked her out and she is geniunely a WONDERFUL girl...not one to play games or anything and that stuff...PLUS we work together (in diff. offices but still closely at times).

However, the key reason I believe she won't go out with me is because she is confused. She came out of a relationship with her longtime b/f earlier in the year. They were off-and-on for a while and then he took a job overseas just recently (through a mutual friend, I learned that he took this job b/c she told him they wouldn't be getting back together again). Yet, they retain contact and I think it's tough for both of them to let go of one another. Whatever...none of my business and I stay out of it.

Regardless, I told her my offer stood and we'll continue on as friends...I will NOT wait for her b/c she is confused. I ended up waiting for my last g/f for stuff and got burned, so I know well to not wait for girls.

[Gigabitch]

Okay, you should consider yourself lucky. Lucky, lucky you! She's 28 and apparently doesn't know that dinner is a DATE MEAL. My conclusion: your co-worker has been living under a rock for the last 15 years of her life. She's probably all mossy. You don't want any part of that.

[damn2008]

Okay, you should consider yourself lucky. Lucky, lucky you! She's 28 and apparently doesn't know that dinner is a DATE MEAL. My conclusion: your co-worker has been living under a rock for the last 15 years of her life. She's probably all mossy. You don't want any part of that.

Getting some additional advice from a mutual friend...I'm realizing that my co-worker interest here is just very, very, very confused. She's had an on-off relationship with her ex- (now "off" apparantly) and they end up hurting each other by staying so close...yet not together. She doesn't know what she wants and hasn't since the beginning of 2008 when she initially broke up with this guy. I think it's really preventing her from moving on (whether with me or anywhere else).

I find it funny cause I'm 25 and shouldn't I be the confused one?

I left the ball in her court and even if she changes her mind, I hope she is free of her confusion and her past relationship (whatever-it-is-now) because I do not want to be a pawn in it. It's hurting her more than it is me.