Girlfriend has feelings for someone else.

[swargolet]

I believe this is the best place to ask since there are probably some females here who have been in the same situation as this and your advice would be the best I could receive.

I'd like to start out by giving a brief history of my relationship with my girlfriend so you can fully understand it and what is going on. We started dating 9/29/05. We have been living together the whole 3 years we were dating so I know all her little quirks and she knows mine. She is 17 and I'm 19. I am currently going to college 150 miles away from her. We have had a wonderful relationship thus far with small things here and there. She kissed a different guy once and she slept in the same bed as another guy (nothing happened though, he just held her). Well that is the general history with the 2 worst things that have happened in our relationship. O ya also I have been in college for a year and a half now so we have had a long distance relationship for 1.5 years and we have 1.5 year left to go.

Well yesterday she called me up and we talked. She told me that she was starting to have feelings for another guy. She met this guy about 3 months ago and had these types of feelings for about a week. she also told me that she has started to lose feelings for me. I believe this is mostly because of the distance. When she needs me there for her I cant be there since I'm so far away.
I have talked to her the past couple hours on the phone and we have come to pretty much the lat thread of our relationship. She doesn't seem to even want to make an effort to fix it. I will be going back home for xmas break and I will be home for a month. I told her to try and keep her distance from that guy because the closer they are the more likely the feelings she has for him will become stronger. I also asked her to just think about it for a week and wait until I come home and we can see how the next month goes since the distance wont be a factor then.

I'm starting to think that she is too immature to be in the type of relationship I want to have. I think she is looking for a high school relationship while I'm looking for a relationship that could progress pretty far.

I have told her that I will pretty much do anything to make this relationship work. I am more than willing to come home almost every weekend to be with her and make the distance thing not as much of an issue. We have had great times together and i think there could be many more to come. I have told her over and over how I feel and how much I love her. I have had other girlfriends and a few serious ones and I have never felt this strong towards any of them. I do not want to lose her. Many of her friends and my friends are jealous of our relationship because we are so open and understanding with eachother.
I guess what I'm asking you guys is what should I do? I want to create that spark that we had in the beginning and put that feeling that she had in the beginning. She said that in the begging she got this feeling in her stomach whenever she was with me and lately she hasn't gotten that with me but she has whenever she saw the other guy. I really want to find a way to get this feeling back with her.

Please help, I'm pretty much begging people now to help me figure this out.

[Cbrider]

Shes too young, and when a girl says she has feelings for/a crush on another guy, time to get the hell out asap.

You may not be able to control how you feel towards another person, but you CAN control your actions.

[iyooxx]

so far from what I know, she is too young to know what love is, or maybe she is still immature in a way of thinking, and isn't ready for any commitments like how you think this relationship should be...my friend is same situation as yours, the girl ended up with breaking up with him and went out with another guy right away (she is still in high school, by the way!)...surely, there are teenagers who are very mature and all, but very rare...but what i want to say is that i wish you the best with her..and hope everything works out well for you and her, if not, i hope you can move on...

[Gribble]

Don't screw your college years up pining over one chick. You should be the one dumping her. There are few things sadder than watching a young man squander the best years of his life on a relationship. Play the game. Gain some experiences. Worry about a serious relationship after graduation at the absolute earliest. Let this girl have her fun and you go do the same.

[swargolet]

thanks for all your help.
It hasn't gotten any better. I know exactly what you guys all mean.

Here's the thing.. It isn't just my relationship with her. That was pretty much the last thing I had. I'm here in college my family is 150 miles away. My dad is an insensitive prick who doesn't seem to give 2 shits about me. My closest brother is 2000 miles away. My mom passed away a year and a half ago, and all my close friends are at other college. Also as many of you know with guys we don't really talk about our feelings openly with each other since we have to be macho men.
I just got off the phone with my girlfriend and things were rough in the beginning of the convo. I then talked to my step mom about this since she has been through a ton. Probably more than anyone on this forum, she is also going to college again for psychology and is going to be a counselor for victims of major accidents. She helped talk me through it all and told me to stay on track this next week. Try to focus on my finals, so she helped a lot. I'm also considering going to counseling services here at my college.
I think the hardest thing for me is the loss of my mother. She played a huge role in my life and its times like these that make me remember her and miss everything she did for me. She'd be the one Id be talking to right now, she would probably even be on her way to my college to help comfort me. She was the most loving person in the world.

I have always thought of my girlfriend being mature for her age, but I never know. To me it seems like she just wants to do her own thing, not be tied down and just not worry about anything. I dont remember if I said this in my first post but she said that she just wonders what it would be like with another guy. Not just the sex part but the whole relationship. She wants to know if ours is really that good. The only way for me to know that it is good is that I look around at other peoples relationships and see the problems they have and to me ours is 100x better.
Also the thing is ya she might not be mature enough for a relationship like this right now but will she be mature enough in 2 years? Or will she want to do more things since she will be in college?
Personally I'm not the kind of guy that has the "dream" college experience. Yes I go to parties but I dont go getting wasted every night and I dont try to hook up with some girl whenever possible and even if I was single I wouldnt want to. That isn't the kind of person I am.

[misombra]

she wants to break up. you've depended too much on somebody who is not capable of handling it.

she can't make up for a family for you or a whole host of other missing things.

she's young and wants to have fun and be free. you should do the same. look for other friends.

sorry, i doubt that's what you wanted to hear.

[swargolet]

Ok well I have talked to a couple people since my last post. I have talked to my girlfriend, my step-mom, and a counselor here at my college. All have been pretty helpful.
What I really want to do is get back together with her and try pretty much anything to make this work. But if I look at what she wants also then I think it is best for us to take this next week off and she can just think about it. Then when I come home on Friday we can see if it feels right. If it does then we will try to make the relationship work, if it feels akward and just not the same then we will probably split up.
Like you guys have said I think it is best that we split up and go our seperate ways. Here's the hard part. IF we split up and I'm back at college and feel like crap again then I have no one here I can really talk to. If my mom was still alive she would be the first one I would talk to. I also think that this whole event is bringing back the death of my mom and is really hurting me also.
Really my girlfriend was my last life line here and she kept me sane. She was someone I could talk to and reach out to and open up to, and now that is most likely gone. It would just be hard as hell to see pictures of her with another guy or anything like that. Also for certain reasons I dont want to discuss, she is always with my family no matter what happens. She lives with my family she comes to the family functions, so even if we do break up she will be in my life everytime I go home. So I will have to see her with another guy every fricken time I go home and it will just rip me apart.
Also I'm thinking that maybe we should just take a couple years off and we feel that our relationship was right we could probably pretty easily pick it back up since she is always there.

[swargolet]

Well I'd like to update you guys. We JUST broke for good. I had some of the best times of my life with this lovely lady and I will sure miss them. I know deep inside that this is best for both of us and that eventually I will find someone who will care about me as I do them sometime in the future.

I would like to get one more tip of advice though. and that is located in this topic.
loveforum.net/broken-hearts-forum/26267-3-years-lost-i-need-some-advice-how-cope.html#post402445

Well it is many tips of advice but I would greatly appreciate them.

[MisterFlapJack]

Sorry about that man. You're going to be better off without her in the long-run. Keep yourself occupied and try to keep your mind off her. If you feel like you have to cry, let it out man.

Once you have healed, hopefully you'll be able to find a beautiful mature college girl. If she's in college, she has good aspirations. Good luck man

[DoesntMatter]

I'm that someone else your girlfriend has fallen for

[swargolet]

Can a mod delete the post above. That is not the kind of stuff anyone should be saying. Seriously how did you get thanked 626 times?
That was one of the most unthoughtful things anyone could say. Please dont ever respond to any of my threads every again!

[misombra]

dude, i think you need some counseling.

[swargolet]

Could you please tell me why you think that? I was just wondering if you read my thread that I posted 2 posts above?

I went into a counselor today to try and get some help and I plan to go in tomorrow. There are just a bunch of things in my life right now stressing me out.
Relationship, finals, holidays (and no money), going home to my ex, the thought of my mom coming back to me over and over and over.

[Alexappleton]

Please receive good tips from your good collegiate that will better for your love life.

Thank you

[Lite]

Yeah, so basically the odds are against you that she's "the one". Best that you turn your eyes towards college women develop on your own, and let her develop as she needs to. Pretty much you're splitting the difference between that time in which you're treated as a child, and that moment you're instantly expected to be an adult.

You're 19, have the world in front of you, and don't really need to be held back by a 17 year-old, or hold a 17 year-old back from developing her own self. Were you to drag this relationship out you could very well both find yourself unhappy married years later wondering how the fsck you go to where you're at.

Breathe, relax, let her do her thing, and you do yours. If those paths coincide great, if not let them be.