True Love is so complicated short now

[Sureality]

I need some advice on how to deal with what is coming. To make a long story short the woman I think is my "True Love" and I never seem to get a clean chance to be together. We tried in the past but it was too complicated and didn't work out. She recently contacted me and right now is in a relationship with problems and is sending signals and more that she wants to try for a life with me but doesn't want to hurt him as he's not a bad guy and she genuinely cares for him and worries about the transition from him to me. She feels the same as me that we are True Loves though she doesn't see it as romantically as I do, but she doubts her judgement because of the past. I on the otherhand almost completely let my heart rule especially when it comes to her.

• How do I deal with the Limbo of her indecision, again?
• How do I deal with my feelings that had to be suppressed for so long but now with her return are full blown?
• How do I deal with the ridiculous physical attraction that we have for each other on top of everything else?
• I've laid myself bare to her and been completely honest, but I know her and she is carrying so much self doubt, how do I get her to trust me, or even her own feelings?

[ButterflyDreamz]

In answer to all of your question either give her time or move on.

Getting her to trust you and her own feelings takes time. Don't let her move on swiftly to you because you'll just end up being a rebound. Dealing with your physical attraction..well...if you like her for more than that..again, give her time. Limbo of her indecision also takes time...and your feelings for her...is similar to the physical attraction. Put that aside for a while..and either wait for her or move on.

[Sureality]

Thank you for your advice ButterflyDreamz. In speaking with others I have gotten conflicting advice as well as some similar to the advice you give here. I think you're right and part of me already knows it. It's just so hard, I hate feeling so anxious, I'm in no way a control freak but having to let go again is miserable, I don't want to do it and Im afraid right now. I'm tired of this, I just want to be happy and share my life with the woman I love.

[ButterflyDreamz]

There's always a sort of fear in falling in love. I remember reading once..."falling in love is like jumping off a building"...you're putting all your faith, love and trust int he hands of another person...You're taking a leap...
The point is falling in love you have to overcome the fear because you're so in love with the other person. Yes, you love this woman..but you know that common saying? "Love is like a butterfly..if it comes back it's meant to be"..or something like that. Be patient.
And one last note..happiness is what you make of it. Life is90% about attitude, 10% of what happens to you. Take control of your life. You're in charge of your own attitude.
(I feel like I'm just full of cliches today! Sorry!)

[Sureality]

I'm a romantic so I appreciate cliches.

[IndiReloaded]

I already gave my advice in the other thread & you ignored it. Shrug.

[Lite]

Do you really want to be involved with someone who is incapable of making difficult decisions in her own life because she doesn't want to hurt someone? Dragging shit like this out for extended periods of time ends up hurting the people more as the relationship stress increases. And then, they get to deal with all of that pain and loss anyway.

If he's a nice guy then why not simply say, "Look, I like you but there's something missing and this isn't working."??

Sorry, she's got one foot in each relationship and needs to put both feet in one of them up front.

[Sureality]

I already gave my advice in the other thread & you ignored it. Shrug.

IndiReloaded I didn't ignore your advice infact I got the same advice from others along with conflicting advice. I agreed with your advice and did it. It lead me to this short version which resulted from her saying she was not ready to make a decision. More has happened since then with me and her. Please hang with me.

[Sureality]

Do you really want to be involved with someone who is incapable of making difficult decisions in her own life because she doesn't want to hurt someone...

The answer is no I don't but the feelings for her are still there and Im not sure will ever go away. Regardless, I figured out after soul searching, advice and support from family that this isn't about her, it's about me. I need to let go and move on. I know that when we had our past relationship I chose her but she rejected me, I never took back that choice and owned it again and never accepted that rejection. I've been carrying this and it has affected my life since then. I know that I can't have her in my life, at all until I feel like I can choose not to be with her. This is the only way I'll be able to share myself completely with anyone.

The problem is that the feelings still flood back and overwhelm me, I fell like want her but more accurately I want the me that I was before her and am when we are together. I'm struggling to accept that I can be me without her. I need the confident, loving, passionate, open, and happy part of me that I know I am. Strangely I felt this all when she was here again after 4 friggin years, my guard instantly dropped. I know she didn't bring some mystical key to my guard with her. The question is, how do I be myself, my whole self, all the time all on my own?

[Lite]

The answer is no I don't but the feelings for her are still there and Im not sure will ever go away.

No, it's that you haven't given yourself the chance and time to get over her and find someone else.