Please can i have some advice on breakup

[SomeNogg]

Hi there

I am in the need of some advice from men who have been in a few relationships and from women too. I need a bit of guidance at the moment as I am in severe heartbreak. I will be as honest as I can in the hopes that you guys and girls can please give me hope or guidance.

I have recently been dumped by my girlfriend who I was seeing for 3 years. Over the last year we lived together in a lovely house. We were happy and madly in love with eachother.

3 months ago she was offered a new job. The job required her to go away for 3 months on training. I offered her my support and stayed at home looking after the house. When she returned from these trips she would be in a really bad mood. She told me that she was having so much fun and realised there was more to life than being at home with me. To cut it a bit shorter she basically told me she was unhappy in our relationship and that she doesnt love me anymore.

I took it like a man and moved out. A few weeks later a guy shes been seeing acidentally mails our old shared account at what I would call heartbreakingly horrific details of what he was going to do with her when she got back. I was DEVASTATED. I cried for 5 days and didnt sleep, drink or eat. I started being obsessive and phoning her hundreds of times and being a complete jerk! I was emailing her and phoning her and she told me to get over it because she didnt want to be with me anymore..

Anyway... I have since then calmed down and had a lot of time to think. I have improved myself for personal reasons and done everything people recommend Gym, Sunbeds, Good movies, Chatting up girls but I can't get her out of my head. I have been in a few relationships before but this is the woman I love and this is the woman I wanted to marry. I want her back guys and I am so sick of people telling me to get over it and move on. People say follow your heart and she is the way my heart wants to go.

I have spoken to her a week ago and she told me this guy was just a "Couple of dates" as she doesnt want a relationship just yet. I can't believe she started seeing this guy litterally days after I moved out. She says she wants to keep seeing him but doesnt see what the big deal is.

I have basically started No contact again and told her that I want her to be happy and whats best for her and she tells me she wants me to still be a part of her life. She has already started texting me and emailing me and asking how i am doing and saying things like "you are looking really good! You have to agree we are better off without eachother" and "I heard you were chatting up women in a bar last week! Good for you!". I have ignored her text and am backing off big time as I realised I did a stupid mistake by being the weak sobbing ex. I know its not attractive but need guidance on what to do from now on and if there is a chance of winning her back..

Please dont just tell me to move on, because this is the woman I love with all my heart. I know she wants me in her life but shes going throigh some mad phase i think at the moment. Also this guy shes dating is messing with my head. As a man i have all these horrible visions in my head.

As I said I have calmed down now and am in a clear frame of mind and am not delerious anymore.

What shall I do?

Thanks in advance!

[jslaughter]

I read your post because I saw that no one had responded yet, and once I read it I understood why. It seems that you are not really looking for advice - you are looking for someone to tell you what you want to hear, no one is stepping up to the plate to do that. . .

It seems to me like there is reason that you are being told over and over again that it is time to "get over it" and to "move on" because that is what it is time to do. (OK before you get pissed read this all the way through. . .)

Look at this from a different perspective - you love this girl and don't want to be without her, can you IMAGINE telling her that you heard she was hitting on other guys - good for her? Can you FATHOM telling her she looks great which shows that clearly being apart is better for you both? Without really knowing you I know that the answer is no - you want her to be with you not hitting on other guys and you want to believe her world is a better place when you are in it - she is sending you a very clear message, my friend - she is over you.

You can love her all you want - you can chase her all you want, but you can never love her enough for both of you and she can always elude you because she does not wish to be caught. You can follow your heart down this road further and wait until it is shattered.

Time and space are your only hope. With the passage of time she MIGHT decided she wants you back, but there are no guarantees and she is not saying anything to give you false hope. I say space becuase perhaps if you make yourself unavailable to her she might have the opportunity to remember what she is missing out on.

Best of luck
Jules

[squirrley]

Ok first of all I agree with Jules. On everthing. You may not want people to tell move on, but guess what? Here it is, Move On. Shes obviously NOT romantically interested anymore. Maybe not for awhile either if shes moved on so quickly, thats a sign right there, her emotions left this relationship awhile ago.

Her texting you might be guilt on her part. And it maybe nice shes "Checking up on you" but dont take her calls. If youre still in love with her, at this time keeping contact with her will only make you miserable. If you feel you can whole heartedly maintain a FRIENDSHIP with her, by all means, but your heart is on the lines if youre in love with her right now.

The best thing you could do, let it go. Some people can maintain a friendship after a relationship because they agreed and understand theyre not meant for one another, but youre not at that point. Every little thing she says to you, you will read way too much into it and misconstrue her intentions and hang on to false hope.

Id cut off of the ties for right now.

[RogerPodacter]

SomeNogg, not sure if you read any of my posts, but I am going through the exact same thing as you with my ex gf of 6 years. My advice isnt what you want to hear, but at least read my story so maybe you will understand why and wont make the same mistakes i did (which you've kinda already done). Unfortunately I have to agree with jslaughter, and cut out all communication with her. Act like you are happy and better off without her, and that you are moving on (try to pretend anyway). Its the only way to even have the possibility of getting her back. I will write when i get home from work, but right now i'm too busy. Bottom line: my girl thought our break wouldnt last too long and we would be together forever someday. 5 months later she is moving on with another guy for good, and i didnt make her decision too difficult. By acting like a mess I only confirmed her feelings that maybe i'm not the guy she's looking for. Sucks to know it now. Hindsight's 20-20.

[SomeNogg]

Hmm

Thanks for the replies guys I appreciate it but I think I may of miscommunicated it a bit. Yes I did do all those things and acted like a child but now I have told her that I want her to be happy and want whats best for her. I am not acting like a child in front of her anymore. This has indeed made her talk to me more. I am now in no contact and have shaped up quite well as mentioned. I have been going out and doing well for myself and she has noticed this.

Thanks for the replies.