New to Online Dating

[hotrodbob]

Hey All,
Okay I've joined this forum to see what you all think of online dating. I've gone and signed up for eharmony. We'll see how it goes but I wondered if any of you have any stories, tips, advice... etc.

My sister met her now-husband on eharmony so that's why I signed up. I like the compatibility thing but I'm still a little unsure of the whole online part of it. Diving into the profile is fairly intense. Hopefully that will help find the right woman for me.

Any tips?

Bob

[carl1222]

Welcome, Bob

Hey, it's worth a try.

eHarmony is well respected and seems to try to make good matches. I think online sites do at least as well or better than random meetings between strangers in clubs, etc.

The downside, of course, is that you really don't know if there is the necessary chemistry until you see each other in person ... so if you meet someone you like through eHarmony, actually seeing each other in person should be an early priority.

As to the risks ... more for women ... there are lots of horror stories connected with meeting a stranger online. But I think they are really no more than meeting a stranger in person.

This came up in a post last night ... because being very close in location is a heavy positive in the match, you may find that your matches will be better with women who are near the edge of your acceptable distance location. Then apply that same level of compatibility to the women who are closer.

Good luck.

Carl.

[hotrodbob]

That's excellent advice, Carl. Thanks. I am hopeful that I'll meet someone but you never know when you finally meet up in real life. Interesting that the proximity is a factor in compatibility. Then again, I do have a cousin who is married to a gal in Thailand yet he lives in Seattle. Needless to say, that is NOT working out so well for him!

But I won't go that far outside of my range distance wise.

For what it's worth, my sister gave me a coupon if anyone else is thinking about giving eharmony a try. It is EHROCK and gave me 1 month free after I signed up for 3 months. She said it was worth it to have the added time. I'm secretly hoping I won't need it but since she is one of their success stories, ... well, I'm just game for the whole thing.

Thanks for that great tip.
Night.

[hotrodbob]

For anyone who is interested or wondering. I am having success with eharmony. Glad I tried it in spite of my nerves over the whole online thing. I've met a woman and after many conversations we met in person and it is going well. I'm not one to be overly excited, so let's just leave it at that.

I'm thankful for the extra free month I have though as this could take a while! It is slow going so anyone out there who is impatient... just remember, love is worth it.

[lesa]

Carl gave great advice. I have only tried online once but I don't consider it real dating. That's my advice.

Don't chat online for hours, weeks, and months. After finding someone interesting, get and meet thing in the real world ASAP. If you can't do that then don't bother with that person and move on. And when you find that person don't communicate through online messenging etc. Pick up the phone.

I know several friends who have used online singles sites (not eharmony though) and found their spouse.

I may try it when I am ready for a serious relationship.

Good luck.

P.S. Please do not date someone that lives several hundreds or thousands of miles away from you. That's trying for failure.

[yegdulps]

I'm on okcupid.com, but I haven't meet up with anyone. It seems from what I've read that they tend to be more about sex than about relationships.

[starbuck]

My advice: keep expectations low and like Lesa said, try to move it out of the online and into the real world as soon as you can.

Also, remember to look at it as just another method of meeting people. Not the be-all-end-all. That way you'll be less disappointed if you happen to get a string of bad dates.

[swargolet]

My dad tried online dating when he was single. I dont know everything about it but I do know that he met about 3-4 people in person. Some he met once and never again, others he still stays in contact with, and one he is now married to.
She lived 4 hours away from us. They had plenty of online conversations but when my dad suggested about going up there she never really wanted to. finally she said yes BUT she revealed a large secret. She was in a huge accident and it affected her physically. My dad had no clue what to expect but they ended up just fine and after a 2 year long distance relationship she moved in with us and then 3 years later they got married.

So I guess that shows 2 things. 1. you never know what you are getting yourself into. and 2. It CAN work!

[Charlie Boy II]

I just can't see that there would be that many hot women on online dating sites - or any at all. At least that are in my age range.

If was still single when I hit my mid thirties I could maybe see myself getting into it. Otherwise people just seem to end up f-cking their work colleagues because they're not meeting anyone new.

[lesa]

I just can't see that there would be that many hot women on online dating sites - or any at all. At least that are in my age range.

Are you kidding me! That's where a bunch of the sluts go. I pretended to be a male in search of females and many were average college females. They usually are beautiful but have a tragic abusive childhood. I agree that you wouldn't want them.

College people love technology and online singles sites are something the singles love. Just look at myspace, facebook, and all the other stuff out there that I still haven't figured out lol.

But I do agree there are much more males than females. And I'm sure most of them are interesting (aka weird).

People usually go to them after a traumatic breakup and want to take things slow. Or for people who failed continuously at dating met at the clubs and bars. Also it’s for the shy and bookworms. Some just go online to see how many flirts they can get from others. Some are married and weird. Most of them are weird in some way. Then you realize that most people in the world are weird in some way. If they prefer to stay online and chat rather than meet you after a few good chats, there is a good (or should I say bad) and interesting reason.

[starbuck]

I think it's best not to generalize about the people on dating websites, since each site is very different. I'm sure that there are slutty and non-slutty people alike on there. I've been on dating websites during times when I felt like I just wasn't meeting the right kind of people in bars. If I were a slutty woman, I'd just go to a bar because it's far easier than filling out an online profile.

My understanding with a site like eharmony is that there are quite alot of forms to fill out. To weed out the people just looking for an easy lay, I'm assuming.

[Lite]

Just remember, when asked by eharmony.com what you like in a woman, "my penis" is not a good answer.

[lesa]

I think it's best not to generalize about the people on dating websites, since each site is very different. I'm sure that there are slutty and non-slutty people alike on there. I've been on dating websites during times when I felt like I just wasn't meeting the right kind of people in bars. If I were a slutty woman, I'd just go to a bar because it's far easier than filling out an online profile.

My understanding with a site like eharmony is that there are quite alot of forms to fill out. To weed out the people just looking for an easy lay, I'm assuming.

I tried to use words so that I not sound like am generalizing everyone on the singles sites. I would say that eharmony is a singles connection site. You do not chat for days there and you can't simply search for anyone. They give you matches and you read it to determine if a connection is promising and then you go from there. You meet them in real life. You don't chat back and forth and flirt and share pictures, etc.

And many of the dating sites do have some slutty people on them just like many of the clubs and bars have slutty people in them. Many of the dating sites also have decent people just like many of the clubs and bars have decent people. I’m just pointing that out to CB.

[Junket]

Is this spam?

[bluesummer]

I met my fiance on lavalife.

The best advice I can give is be 100% yourself on your profile.....don't try to build yourself up, and don't use tacky cliches. Also, anyone who doesn't want to meet in person within three emails or refuses to show you a picture is a no-go.