I think i like my guy friend but i already have a boyfriend....

[lalamomo]

Hi everyone,

I have been together with my boyfriend for over 4 years. I do love him and i know he loves me to bits. We've been through so much ups and downs but still standing strong. I really appreciate him for loving me, because to some people (eps. his parents and cousins), im just a spoilt girl and our families are too different from each other. But, although he increasingly says he loves me, he also mentions the facts that we cannot be together til the end (due to his family's pressures), and he wants us to break up just after i graduate from Uni (which is July 2009!). That was when the problems started....

I got in touch with an old friend (known for over 2 years) and he invited me to dinners or movies sometimes (maybe 5 times since we chatted again). I did join him but only as a friend. My boyfriend then got jealous and said that the guy must have liked me so thats why he kept asking me out. But what i thought at the time was that because that guy was having some problems in his works and family so he needed to talk to someone, and i am sure im not the only one. However, as time goes by, with my boyfriend keeps telling me not to go out with that guy because he likes me, im feeling that im now the one who's thinking about him more than i should do. That worries me! Im afraid im getting to like my friend more than just normal friends. And the ways the guy's been treating me sometimes make me wanna be with him (not that he knows how i feel 'cause i dont think i should tell him). I dont wanna start an affair now, one thing that i have been successfully trying not to get involved for over 4 years....

Im just so stuck and dont really know what to do?!? Is it because of the ideas of breaking up that has been implanted in my mind so deeply that i now wanna break free?? Or is it because im just a spoilt girl after all... ??

Please give me some advice... I really, really appreciate your helps!

Thank you all so much...

L.

[Car Chick]

I feel really sorry for your poor boyfriend. Cheating is the most heartless and disquesting thing anyone can do a person, especially after four years.

[The Godfather]

Awww classic. I've seen this over and over again. Let me skip ahead a bit...

You're boyfriend is jealous for good reasons, but being stupid none the less. Your friend wants you. He's trying to play the "don't cha wish your boyfriend was nice like me" card. You will probably fall for it. The relationship with your friend will be nice at first, but inevitably won't fulfill you.. You will try to get back with your ex, yet his pride will keep him from taking you back...

I could be wrong, but it's just something I've seen maybe 10 times, throughout my life.

[IndiReloaded]

Date them both. Don't tell your BF.

[vashti]

Why would your boyfriend tell you he is going to break up with you at the end of the year, and then expect you to stick by his side? What a dummy.

[misombra]

tell your boyfriend his lease is up this weekend and spend the weekend with the other guy.

[Mish]

But, although he increasingly says he loves me, he also mentions the facts that we cannot be together til the end (due to his family's pressures), and he wants us to break up just after i graduate from Uni (which is July 2009!). That was when the problems started....

Why wait so long for the inevitable? Break up now, there's no need to wait.

[IndiReloaded]

Not spoilt. Sneaky. No respect for your BF, yourself, or the relationship you had.

Do the right thing and break up with him before getting with the new fellow.

Or, go ahead & date them both like I said. Whatever.

[lalamomo]

Car Chick : I feel really sorry for your poor boyfriend. Cheating is the most heartless and disquesting thing anyone can do a person, especially after four years.

I admit i maybe cheating but it's all in the minds, no actions or words exchanged. None of them knows what im really thinking now...

The Godfather : Awww classic. I've seen this over and over again. Let me skip ahead a bit...

You're boyfriend is jealous for good reasons, but being stupid none the less. Your friend wants you. He's trying to play the "don't cha wish your boyfriend was nice like me" card. You will probably fall for it. The relationship with your friend will be nice at first, but inevitably won't fulfill you.. You will try to get back with your ex, yet his pride will keep him from taking you back...

I could be wrong, but it's just something I've seen maybe 10 times, throughout my life.

The thing is, i dont know if my friend really likes me or it's just because he's a truly nice guy who treats his friends with cares and considerations? That may be a trap that im trying to get out of...

vashti: Why would your boyfriend tell you he is going to break up with you at the end of the year, and then expect you to stick by his side? What a dummy.

Well, say, because he doesnt want others to see me as an unfaithful girlfriend provided that he now thinks i might fall for the other guy... Or he doesnt wanna be the one who get dumped?... I dont know...

Mishanya : Why wait so long for the inevitable? Break up now, there's no need to wait.

I really dont know! I love him, and the fact that he's been my best friend, boyfriend and like a part of my life over the years makes me wanna hold on to him til we part... I may sound like a fool but this is the best reason i could think of

IndiReloaded: Not spoilt. Sneaky. No respect for your BF, yourself, or the relationship you had.

Do the right thing and break up with him before getting with the new fellow.

Or, go ahead & date them both like I said. Whatever.

I mentioned above, that kinda affair is just in my mind, so the quicker i could get control of it, the better the situation could be. Thing is, how?

[carl1222]

OK, I admit that this is a new one on me ... scheduling a breakup 8 months in the future???? My mind is officially boggled.

So lets keep you on the moral high ground here, lala. I assume you don't want to be a cheater. You are interested in someone else and, of course, you don't want to let it go because your current relationship now has an expiration date.

Here's the easy part. Tell your boyfriend that under the circumstances you can't keep your commitment to be faithful to him from today on. Now you are no longer boyfriend/girlfriend. OK, that gets you out of the possibility on cheating on him.

Here's the really hard part, lala ... if you meet a new guy and reach the point where you want to promise to have an exclusive relationship with him, you have to be prepared to cut it off completely with your current "boyfriend." The new guy deserves no less, and most contact with your ex is cheating ... if not just emotionally.

So instead of putting yourself in that position, my best advice would be to break up with your boyfriend tomorrow and cut all contact with him immediately. Sure, it sucks to be single, but it's selfish, cowardly and unfair to pursue another relationship when your heart isn't free to do so.

Good luck.

Carl.

[Mish]

I really dont know! I love him, and the fact that he's been my best friend, boyfriend and like a part of my life over the years makes me wanna hold on to him til we part... I may sound like a fool but this is the best reason i could think of

Yeh, but that's all going to end in a few months. So why delay it? It sounds like a waste of time simply waiting for the inevitable.

[carl1222]

I feel really sorry for your poor boyfriend. Cheating is the most heartless and disquesting thing anyone can do a person, especially after four years.

Aside to Car Chick ... see how the real world works?, it's a lot more messy than you think!

Carl.

[kimmiejo]

I am so sorry for you because i am in the same position right now. I have been with my boyfriend for three years. i love him. he is my best friend. he is my first love. But I no longer feel like I am "in" love with him.
I do not know if we can be together in the long-run because of our different families and religions. We hardly ever discuss that because it would scare me to know that we won't be together forever. . . but I do know that we cannot be together. Being together would tear my relationship with my parents apart.
Now I have become friends with a guy from school. He has been making an effort to be my friend. He is aware that I have a bf, but he still likes me. He has done nothing to disrespect me and my relationship with my bf. I have recently become very attracted to him. I have never felt so strongly towards a guy.
I do not know what to do. I am happy with my bf. He treats me so well. Breaking up with him would break his heart. I love him too much to hurt him like that. I know we will probably have to breakup eventually. But I do not know if I should just wait till we have to. . . but then I might miss out on someone whom I could really have a good relationship with. . .
I feel selfish. i feel like the most horrible person on earth
i wish i knew what to do. I really hope everything works out for the best.

[Bokonon]

Recap: Your douchebag boyfriend thinks you should break up because his douchebag family doesn't like you. You are interested in someone else.

Solution: Date other dude or anyone else of interest that comes along. Douchebag = less than ultrahappiness. Douchebagfamily = minus less than ultrahappiness.

[Cbrider]

Lmao, I'm sorry but this guy gave you a breakup date?

Tell him the dates been moved and to pack his shit.