text message on her mobile

[prophet]

Hi, I'm feeling very upsed lately and don't know anyone I could go to talk to at this time so I hope someone could help me here in the forum.

My story goes that my girlfriend (3 months) have been behaving a bit strange lately. I'm 24, she is 40, and sometimes this age gap makes me very unconfortable as she is a lot more experienced than me. Somehow I feel I'm more vulnerable and feel always suspicious that she can try to manipulate, control me or something. I dont know. But anyway, I love her, and these feelings rarely cross my mind. The problem is that she sometimes can be very cold and insensitive with me. I've got italian blood and she is dutch, so sometimes I try to understand given our cultural differences perhaps.

But anyway, the fact is last night, while we were having a meal out, she, again, looked a bit worried, a bit distant. I asked her if everything was OK, she said "yes, everything ok", smiled and changed the subject. I was not convinced but decided not to push too much. After 15 mins, she told me that she was a bit uncomfortable because she received a text message of someone she doesn't know with the following message: "Best friend ever, I Love you". I must confess I'm very jealous (I know this is very bad), but I've been trying to keep this under control for the good of our relationship.

Unfortunately, when these things happen, I start shaking, anger and fear are feelings that get mixed up in my guts. I saw the text messages (still smiling as if it was nothing important) and talked to her something around it being strange, weird, etc. She went on to say that she never gave her phone away nor anything like that. I called the number (maybe mistakenly) and someone got the call and switched off the phone soon after that.We paid the meal and went home.

I couldn't help feeling a bit strange, cold and distant after what had happened, with that feeling of fear and anger. We had already an quibble about this (jealousy) a while back and it was very painful, so I decided to not lose my cool because of silly things anymore.

The problem now is that I'm still worried about this. Maybe with justified reason, maybe not. Our relationship has been going on for 3 months only, so sometimes I think we haven't had the time to build up that much trust yet.

I'm relying on the fact that she maybe would not say to me about the text message and would delete straight away. But she also could have deleted the contact number from the contact list and said that doesn't know where the message come from (when she in reality knew who sent her the message).

It's definitely something I have no control over. I don't want to spoil the relationship but also don't want to play the idiot here.

My question is: what do you women out there think that actually happened? Could I trust what she said now given the circumstances and facts I mentioned above? What would be the best approach to take right now? It happened last night and she knows I'm a bit unconfortable with the story. I've got the number of the guy but don't want to screw things up.

Please, advice appreciated!

Thank you all in advance.

[Gribble]

That's a gigantic post and I can't be bothered to read it all. Let me try condensing what you wrote into something a bit more manageable. Let me know if I missed anything relevant.

Your girlfriend got a text message stating the following: "Best friend ever, I love you." Now you're freaking the **** out.

Is that it? If so, I just want to say that you, sir, are freaking me the **** out. What the hell? That is the most trivial message. It could be anything. A wrong number. Spam. A friend or relative of hers. I don't see any sexual connotation. I don't see any reason to assume she's having an affair/being stalked/whatever. Relax. Take your ****ing medication. It's all cool.

[Cbrider]

Tbh, that just looks like a girl to girl text. I wouldn't think twice about it.

[IndiReloaded]

Grib, you missed the most important part: she is *40*. He is a dumb 25 year old. Sorry for you guys that age, but some of those cougars out there think nothing of eating young guys like the OP for breakfast.

Prophet: Gribble IS right. You need to relax. This woman is not someone who you'll be able to control. So go with the flow, for however long it lasts. Jump her bones often & hard. That's pretty much all she wants from you and the sooner you realize it, the better.

Assuming you aren't a troll, of course. These posts make me suspect.

[prophet]

man, she talks about marriage, children... all cougars are after this too? I need to learn more... yeah Indi, sometimes I feel like a 25 dumb, maybe registering to this forum made me feel even more like that.... let's see...

I think it's just anxiety... everythin else goes fine.. going to meet her family in february, hope I'm not mistaken about her.

Thanks for the comments so far anyway!

[bluesummer]

Wow, you sound like the jealous type. Why do you assume the worst right off the bat? It's probably just a text sent to the wrong number, happens to me all the time. It's not like she hid it from you.

Your post did tell me, however, that you're very jealous and insecure. You need to watch that, and your anger level. Older women don't have the patience for that kind of thing.

[prophet]

Thanks Bluesummer. I must admit it's the first time in years I feel *very* insecure. I think it must be because of her age the fact that she can control me somehow, I dont know. For instance, she studies Filosophy being 80% of the students man of around her age. Of course I feel very very insecure at times. I'm trying to find reasons to make me forget all that as I dont want to end the relationship because of my own problem. One problem that I find, though, is that she doesnt seem to help me to overcome this insecurity. I mean, she doesn't try to "reassure me" and I sometimes feel that she is quite happy with me feeling all this insecurity, which is a bit too "cruel" in my opinion.

[IndiReloaded]

LOL. She doesn't want to marry YOU. If I'm mistaken, and she does, then this woman has issues and I'd be careful with her. Bunny boiler comes to mind.

BTW, don't take the 'dumb' comment to heart. It not a reflection of your native intelligence, just your lack of experience. I'm just saying that, as a woman of her age, the idea of getting married to a guy your age is about as appealing as training a dozen puppies not to wet on my beautiful persian rug.

As for being her pool boy, that is a whole different thing, and not at all uncommon. I guarantee that is how she sees you. Esp based on your post, which says you have a lot of maturing to do still.

Was she ever married before? Just curious.

[Gigabitch]

Yum. New poolboy.

[Dasein]

OP she showed you that message. If people need to hide things they normally aren't transparent. I wouldn't get freaked out and just take her word for it.

BTW you are going to have to control the jealousy..even if it is completely an act i.e. inside you feel jealous but on the outside you appear like nothing is wrong.

[prophet]

Hi Indi, no, she never married.

I would say I'm not too concerned about my imaturity as she can be quite imature at times. I think the main reason why I kind of fell in love with her was more because of this girly like behaviour of hers as opposed to the typical 40-years old divorced mother. We have been getting along very well without any issues and we are fairly happy with the relationship - aside from my jealousy sometimes, I must admit.
She always mentions that in a way she understands my jealousy as she feels exactly the same thing when I'm around my colleagues at uni (all at their 20 somethings).

[boobaa]

40 is an old crunk. Think abóut it, by the end you hit 40, she will be 60. She can't be serious about marriage, maybe she is playing you.

[prophet]

Hi Booba, nice that you pointed this out.

She is a 40 year old looking better than my previously girlfriend who was 23yrs old, in a much better shape either. Believe me.

[vashti]

She is approaching menopause, my friend. She may very well look great, but biology WILL take its toll. I agree with those who said you should enjoy this while you can and try not to get too serious. She is very unlikely to pursue a permanent relationship with you (assuming she is a decent person). It would be unfair of her to keep you from a woman who would be a more suitable partner.

And yes, older women will generally have little tolerance for unreasonable jealousy. You had better learn to keep it to yourself.

[nejie]

Hey if i may share my opinion...i would say take advantage of the relationship u have with this woman right now. I mean in a good way.She sure is way mature than u are so act maturely..this is a very small issue and nothings wrong of asking her and telling her whats on your mind in just a simple plain convo without of course acting like an insecure ass.. If u do really like this girl and u like her idea of having a future together then even at 3 mos in a relationship i would say too early ro talk about things like that) then u better think twice if ur compatible n comfortable with each other n not be hesitant to talk about anythin n everythin..