I'm not in love with you anymore?

[lmk5508]

Hello. This is my first post. I usually talk to my girlfriend, but can't right now so am looking for other opnions/advice.

I have been with my girlfriend for a little over 2 years. We've had a great relationship and I feel she is the love of my life. She is all I have ever wanted and have never loved anyone more. We've never had any issues, other than your usual arguments about stupid stuff, etc. Never anything big such as cheating, abuse, etc.

For the most part we were perfect. The only issue that did sometimes come up was that I liked affection more than she did. Now, she would be affectionate with me. But sometimes she was happy sitting untouched on the couch, when I wanted to cuddle with her. Things like that. Sex would be an issue too. Sometimes my drive was higher than hers and she wasnt always interested.

For the past few weeks, things have been stressful. She is getting laid off in january, so she is worried about finding work and having income. Her son is making some bad life choices. As a mom, she is worried about that. She was a little distant from me, but I figured it was everything going on.

This past weekend, she dropped the bomb on me that she loved me more than anyone, but thought it might be a "best friend" love, not a romantic one anymore. I was shocked because I had no idea she felt that way. I thought we were happy and fine. She said she just doesnt feell anything romantic for me anymore.

After a few nights of sleeping in seperate rooms, but still getting along as friends, I am in a spot where I dont know what to do. I told her I thought it could be fixed. It happens, life gets in the way...you forget why and how you fell in love in the first place. Love has to be worked on from both parts. She said she had felt it a couple months but didnt tell me because she was trying to work on it by herself. I told her that it wasnt her problem, obviously something was missing that made her feel that way. I told her it needed to be worked on by both of us. She said she was unsure if she could get those feelings back. I told her that as great as our love was (is) that we had to try and couldnt just give up. If it does end, I wanna be confident that we did all we could to save it.

I recommended counselling, so I am currently trying to find a counselor for us. I thought time apart might be good.

Ideas? Has this happened to anyone else? We get along as friends, we just put the romantic stuff on the back burner. We hug and she kisses me goodnight, thats about all we do physically. I love this woman and am not sure what to do. Should I leave her alone? Should I keep reminding her how much I love her? Should I try to keep talking to her about why she feels that way? What can I do to help bring her back to the time when we fell in love, when it was amazing?

[Indignant]

that is too common and unavoidable.

[Bokonon]

I've been on your gf's side of the equation before more than once. I also tried to search out my feelings on my own and the feeling was just gone and I only felt like friends with the girls in question. I ended up breaking up with them in the end each time.

The only thing I can recommend is giving her a huuuuge amount of space. She probably feels pressure right now coming from you that would limit any possibility of her feelings coming back. Also, it sounds like she has trouble being close with people sometimes and the heightened stress in her life could certainly make it worse if she has problems sharing her feelings/relying on her partner for emotional support. Might just make her withdraw more.

[ecojeanne]

yes, i think she is feeling pressure right now and needs to figure out more important things. she does need space. i wouldn't be surprised if this is leading up to a break up tbh. i'm sorry

[Gigabitch]

You're not "getting on as friends". She's the love of your life and it's unreciprocated. That is not the recipe for friendship. Neither is giving her space.
Your relationship needs attention, immediately. The fact that you're willing to just sit on your hands while she hauls it all off to the curb to be picked up with the trash tells me something about what might, just possibly, be wrong.

Yes, get to a counselor. Today.

[Mish]

What can I do to help bring her back to the time when we fell in love, when it was amazing?

I don't think you can, it sounds like it's pretty much over. I'm sorry, sometimes things just don't work out.

What I would do if I were you is discuss with her the time frame for moving out and making sure noone will owe the other one anything at seperation. Tell her you can still be friends and see each other for Xmas sometime.

[Nocturne]

I know what you can do, something similar happened to me.
It will take a lot of effort and hope.

The key phrase here is ""You don't appreciate what you have until it's gone." So, as people here say, it's pretty much over. However, you still have some "hope".

Don't "break up", it's too dangerous and risky for your intentions. As you might have concluded, she needs space, so let her have space, a lot of it, maybe an universe. Try to completely disappear from her life, but let her indirectly know how you're doing, a friend might help. Depending on the type of girl she is, you might want to show yourself as HAPPY without her, or extremely depressed without her. If she is really jealous, go for the first one, if she's the caring type, go for the second.

This will only lead to her thinking of you, in any way, good or bad, she will be thinking of you, and the memories you have together will prevail bringing those feelings and emotions back. It's up to you to know when that moment occurs, and when it happens, you must make her feel the happiest girl in the planet, buy her the moon.

I hope I helped,

[lmk5508]

Ummm...Gigabitch...I never ever said I was willing to just sit on my hands while she moved out. I am trying to think of every possible thing to try to fight for my relationship. I love this woman and will fight like hell for her.

Currently, we are getting along as friends, although its hard. We have an appointment with a counselor Monday afternoon. We have talked a bit. I've reminded her I love her and asked if we could go back to when we were happy, would she want that? She said she doesnt honestly know. I asked why, if she felt her love had changed, why do couple things with me for the past several weeks. She said she wanted to try everything she could to see if it would help. That tells me right there she wanted to fix things. Now, I know how she feels and we can work on it together. I told her just to not give up on us yet.

I truly believe that we can get our love back. I just feel it. As of now, she has changed her status to single. But I'm not giving up.

[Nocturne]

You have to stop doing the same things you've been doing all along, there's a reason she has stopped feeling the same for you.

If she has changed her status to "single", says "she wants to try everything she could", well to me that sounds like she wants a different type of guy.

And this can be so true, you know, when girls suddenly become "bored" of one, that's not possible, you can't just gradually stop loving someone if you're not doing anything bad as you imply.

There must be another person involved. I am 90% sure of that.

[Mish]

I truly believe that we can get our love back. I just feel it. As of now, she has changed her status to single. But I'm not giving up.

I think that you might want to start getting used to the idea that the two of you are in the process of seperation and most likely this will be the conclusion to your relationship. Being clingy and forcing or encouraging your partner to stay when they have made up their mind will only make things worse, it will only push her away from you instead of actually making her reconsider.

What could change her mind is you willingness to ler her go if she is unhappy. That more than any encouragement to stay will most likely be a deciding factor on which way she will go from here.

[IndiReloaded]

The fact that you're willing to just sit on your hands while she hauls it all off to the curb to be picked up with the trash tells me something about what might, just possibly, be wrong.

Bingo. She feels you are, fundamentally, indifferent to her. Its 'shit or get off the pot' time.

I don't think you can, it sounds like it's pretty much over. I'm sorry, sometimes things just don't work out.

I completely disagree with this^. Sorry, Mish. Her 'giving up' is reactive & he's still got a chance if he's willing to make an effort. Giga knows best in this one.

[Mish]

I completely disagree with this^. Sorry, Mish. Her 'giving up' is reactive & he's still got a chance if he's willing to make an effort. Giga knows best in this one.

She told him she doesn't love him anymore and she put her status to single, what else is there left to make an effort to Indi? They don't have kids together, there's nothing in need of sacrifice.

I think some people just need to accept it when it comes. I think people shouldn't leach on to their partners if they are no longer wantet, but just accept the change and if necessary move on. That's what it sounds like to me in this situation, a no means no. He should accept it and move on. Get out there, spend more time with family and friends, have fun and find a better more suitable partner who will love him for who he is.

[Gigabitch]

Currently, we are getting along as friends, although its hard.

NO. Pick one. Either you're madly in love with her or you're "friends". Grow some balls, already, and tell her you won't settle for scraps.

She has no respect for you. I'm not telling you to act like an asshole, but ****, man, at least act like you have some say in the matter. You're acting like a total pussy.

[lmk5508]

Maybe since I am in the situation, it's harder for me to see things. Gigabitch...why do you think she has no respect for me? What am I supposed to do? Say "If you dont want to be with me anymore, get out"? I've told her how I felt and that I think we should try again. She is unsure it will work but I think she is willing to try.

And I dont understand what you guys mean by saying she thinks I am indifferent to her??

I am trying to not push her, because like it was mentioned before...I dont wanna push her away. I felt she needed time, so thats what I am giving her.

[Male Man]

Sorry lmk5508 but, reading your post it seems to me she pretty much laid it on the line. I would thank her for being honest and move on.

The 'let's just be friends' garbage is so she can keep you dangling on the line. Cut yourself loose and tell her not to call you.

Work on yourself and you will find a healthy woman who fulfills your desires.