Is it ok, or am I overreacting??

[Lindattu]

Hi all, my boyfriend and I have been living together for 1 and half years now. He is very close to other ladies and usually exchange some fancy flirty messages. Infact, when he is talking on phone, I can easily tell if the person on the other end is a lady.

Recently, he forgot to logout his facebook and I came across a message that he sent to a lady that read ...."Close ur eyes cross your fingers and reach out to my extended hand." Miss you Luv you"....

It is not "ok" with me that he can be writing such messages to another lady. But what do you think, will I be overreacting if I confront him? Is it ok, for my boyfriend to relate with other ladies that way?

[Mish]

It is not "ok" with me that he can be writing such messages to another lady. But what do you think, will I be overreacting if I confront him? Is it ok, for my boyfriend to relate with other ladies that way?

I think you should confront him and let him know that what he does is inappropriate and it's not okay with you. Don't bottle this up or it will explode in ways you really don't want it to come out. Solve this issue before it gets any worse. Though, if he hesitates be ready to dump him.

[ransom_nite]

No it is not ok! Especially as you guys have taken a step further and are living together. He shouldn't be flirting with other girls full stop. I would address this and definately confront him, your not over-reacting.

[Lindattu]

Ok, so I have managed to confront him but he sees no evil in it...it turns out, the lady was a his classmate and he sees nothing wrong with telling her that he loves and misses her

He thinks I just want to make drama outta nothing......but still, am not pleased about it........but still, he doesnt understand why I should be upset...now what?????

[carl1222]

Don't buy his bulls**t. That comment was WAY out of line for a guy in a serious relationship to make, Linda. He certainly knows why you are upset, and is trying to minimize his wrong-doing by turning it back on you. For me, that would be evidence of cheating (emotional or otherwise) and would be a break up event all by itself!

Carl.

[Aeradalia]

Agrees with Carl... Been in a relationship where the guy was cheating and he'd always bring up my faults as a way of distracting from what he was doing. He sounds like he's involved either emotionally (which is only the start) or even more so with someone else.

From my personal experience and others may have different views, I've learned that once you suspect cheating it is very difficult to ever trust that person again... and the majority of the time it is best to just let the relationship die. Another thing I've learned is that it is best to brave a little bit of loneliness than to suffer the horrible insecurities of being with someone who is cheating (or is suspected of cheating).

[damn2008]

You have to ask him if he would be fine with you flirting with other guys like he does with his lady friends. He might try to bat around with excuses for his one lady friend...but ultimately the answer is NO...you would see it if you did it in front of him.

This action is inappropriate and a severe lack of respect for you and your relationship.

[Mish]

now what?????

if he hesitates be ready to dump him.

............................

[Lindattu]

Thank you all for your advice. We have been discussing a lot about the issue but he still insists….in fact, he is surprised that I think that he is a flirt………he believes he is not. We had a huge fight and that is when he said that he wrote her those words because she said on her Facebook status that she was lonely….urrgh! Anyways, I just hate being so very insecure like I am now, yet, he pretends he sees nothing wrong in his actions!

[TheTooya]

Thank you all for your advice. We have been discussing a lot about the issue but he still insists….in fact, he is surprised that I think that he is a flirt………he believes he is not. We had a huge fight and that is when he said that he wrote her those words because she said on her Facebook status that she was lonely….urrgh! Anyways, I just hate being so very insecure like I am now, yet, he pretends he sees nothing wrong in his actions!

I wouldn't leave it at just that. His actions shouldn't be making you feel insecure. Just because someone says on their status that they are lonely, doesn't mean he should have said that.... regardless of if there was meaning behind his words or not.

[bluesummer]

Well what if her status said she was horny, and he said he wished he could **** her and make everything all better? Is that appropriate? Of course not! So he's feeding you a line of bull. It's alright to try and cheer someone up, but there are lines and he crossed them I think.

[Bo]

not ok. Obviously if it bothers u it's not ok. That's not appropriate for a man who's in a relationship to do or a woman.

[Lindattu]

Yes, it is bothering me….even more……because, this time he wrote on her wall saying…”come to (name of our city) so I can spoil you Honey…….always feel good when I read from you……you have a midas touch……..Love you and always will……..miss you so much….yadda yadda yaddah…” When I confronted him, he simply says not only were they were school mates but they are also workmates……working for the same firm but in different cities. She is a single mom. My bf wants me to “understand” their relationship as school/workmates and nothing more. I am devastated, it hurts me every time he calls me “honey” cuz it doesn’t sound special no more……..but anyways, he thinks am just being crazy about something that isn’t there!

[LadieNisha4u2nv]

What a ****ing loser. You dont talk to just a school or work mate like that. I dont think this is suspicion of cheating, he's doing it right there in your face, emotionally. Is he really worth putting up with that shit? I doubt it.

[carl1222]

Yes, it is bothering me….even more……because, this time he wrote on her wall saying…”come to (name of our city) so I can spoil you Honey…….always feel good when I read from you……you have a midas touch……..Love you and always will……..miss you so much….yadda yadda yaddah…” When I confronted him, he simply says not only were they were school mates but they are also workmates……working for the same firm but in different cities. She is a single mom. My bf wants me to “understand” their relationship as school/workmates and nothing more. I am devastated, it hurts me every time he calls me “honey” cuz it doesn’t sound special no more……..but anyways, he thinks am just being crazy about something that isn’t there!

Oh, wait a minute ... after you told him you were upset about his earlier comment to her on facebook he wrote this??? Dump the selfish, spiteful, insensitive cheating fool!

This is only what you know about one other girl. If he isn't a player, I would be shocked. Non-players don't talk like that, especially to lonely single-mom friends. Now if he said something like "You're really a special girl ... sorry you're lonely right now, but there's a guy out there for you." I might believe him.

Carl.