Hello!
Sorry for souch a long post, but I don't know how to say it in short.
I was dating a girl for the past 2.5 months.
I was her first boyfriend (she's 21. I'm 22). The only previous experience
she had before me, was when a guy took advantage of her and dumped her. (few years ago)
I had a painfull experience (dumped) few years ago too and I didn't have much luck with girls until this one.
Over the years we both lost trust and confidence in opposite sex, but we were desparate each for their own reasons, and we both hoped there is someone out there waiting for us.
When we met she fell in love in me and asked me out. On the first day she explained her situation and told she would be crushed if I'd hurt her too.
Although I didn't have some serious feelings for her at first I said to myself I'll give her a shot, and I promissed her I won't hurt her.
I told her I had a painfull experience before and that it will took some time for
me to develop some feelings for her. She said she had all the time in the world becouse she was sure I was the one she was waiting for.
During our relationship I was extra carefull not to go too far with her (physicaly and emotionaly) and we both seemd happy.
When we were alone I was more free with her, experimenting and trying to please her reading her body language, but when we were in public we were both affraid to show more interest in each other.
Last week she was on a vacation with her friend. For financial and other reasns I was unable to go with her although she begged me.
I think the most important reason was that I wasn't sure about my feelings
and I thought it would be a mistake to go on a vacation with her so early
(only 2 months).
On the first day she was gone I realised I love her and I send her an SMS saying this to her. Se said I made her the happiest girl on the world.
But a day after she cut almost all contact with me answering only to my most desperate messages, and I really was desperate.
When she came back, she said she really didn't mean to, but she did cheat on me with some much older (29) guy (kissing and hanging out with him).
Now she is not sure about feelings towards me or towards that guy. She said that this guy is not an option for her becouse he is much too old for her, but now she is unsure about what to do with me.
I had a realy long talk with her about that and I found out that she was attracted to him becouse he was much more "free" with her in public and privately. I told her why I was so closed towards her and I told her I will change that becouse I want the same thing - to be more free with her.
Since she is unsure I decided to give her some time to think it over and tell me when she makes her decision.
I told her I would forgive her if she choses to get back to me but I won't do anything stupid if she dumps me. (I'm not that stupid although I'm desparate)
Later that day I noticed she wanted to kiss me but I refused saying it probably wouldn't be smart, but I regreted that and early today I waited for
her to exit her house and kissed her. I told her I'm sorry I was so closed towards her and that I am ready to change that in the future, but she seemed very cool towards me, although she didn't refuse the kiss.
I told her not to pitty me, or think I would do something stupid, but that I would be happiest If she decides to stay with me.
Am I too possesive towards her? Was this kiss a mistake? I only wanted to show her that I can be "free" with her. Am I putting her under too much pressure?
I told her I want something special with her and not only an affair. I also mentioned marrige some time in a distant future. Did this scare her?
I'm not serious about marrying her. It is the last thing on my mind and she knows that, but it seems that she panicked.
I know I panicked when she said she wants a serious relationship first day we started dating, and she said that on several other ocassions before that vacation.
Is it possible that some summer affair could have coused her to change her mind about me, and forget all her feelings she had before.
I mean. She was 100% sure I was the one and that she wants to spend the life with me, but in a few days it was all gone.
Can someone explain what happened? I trust her, and I belive it was only kissing with a guy she met. Nothing more. But I can't understand how someone can be absolutely in love with someone one day and the day after forgets everything.
She admitted that after she was with him she wanted to dump me, but she didn't want to do it over the SMS or phone. She wanted to do it in person, but when she saw me she thought she would regret, and now she is absolutely lost and confused.
Does she need some time hanging out with other guys before she will know what she wants? Maybe she is affraid I will be her last guy in the life.
I think I explained enough. Can someone please share their an opinion with me, or maybe someone had a similar experience?
Personally I would like to know what girls think of that, becouse I would really like to understand what is going on in her head.
I know I am emotionaly not able to cheat on someone I am involved with.
I know it becouse I promised myself I'll never do it to someone and I proved it
to myself several times in my life, but maybe that's why I can't understand what is going on in her head - becouse I never did it myself.
I know you can't make her make the decision but maybe you can help me in some other way. I really love this girl and something tells me she is the one. I doubt it's a teen love, becouse I had that and this is nothing similar to that. I know 2.5 months is very small amount of time, but I can't help myself.
Thank you very much in advance.