I've just told a close friend of 2 years how I really feel about her.....

[PMAW3180]

Hey everyone

Well, I've been really good friends with this girl for 2 years ever since I met her at university in England. I must admit that when she first walked into the lecture room I looked at her and realised there was something really special about her. The thing is that she was an exchange student. Anyway, being half her nationality and able to speak the language fluently, I introduced myself and became really good friends, but I never told her how I really feel. Now she has gone back for the summer to see her folks but is coming back to the UK to finish her final year in October.

Anyway, every summer I go to see my grandparents, and when this girl found out I was going to be in the country she invited me to stay with her for a couple of days which is where I've just come back from. We had an amazing time together, full of laughs, alot of drinking and I must admit what I thought was alot of flirting with me. (for example after I helped her with some translation on her dissertation she kept saying she knew how she was going to thank me and smiled, plus some other stuff aswell). So I felt the opportunity was right to tell her how I really feel about her, but unfortunatley she said she was still cut up about this other guy she met in the UK, but still kept telling me that he never really treated her well. She said I am a really good friend, and hoped that none of this would affect our good friendship, and she reitterated that she wanted to keep in touch with me and come and visit me in London as much as she could when she returns for her final year (I'm living in London now, after graduating last year).

I feel really heartbroken because I really, really care for her, and was really thought she felt the same way. The most confusing thing is that she was so flirty and outgoing with me whilst I stayed with her for those 2 days (but we didn't kiss or anything), so I felt the time was right to tell her my feelings. The one thing I know for sure is that she is a really honest girl, and from a great family and I know is that she is definately not a girl that just goes out with guys like that looking to sleep with them, and has probably only ever had 2 serious boyfriends.

She did say to me never say never, but for the time being she isn't keen on dating ANYONE.

So I want know if anyone has ever had a similar scenario, and if anyone thinks that now that she really knows how I feel, even though she said no, she may change her mind after shes had time to think about what I told her? Maybe what I said came out of the blue to her and she just reacted instinctively, but after thinking about it she may see diferently? All I know is that our characters are virtually identical (always laughing, joking etc), we studied the same subject at university and basically really, really get on well together. Thats why I really think we'd be great together, because we get on so well.

The crazy thing is that I was 99% positive she felt the same way as me, which is why I decided to be the first to tell her......

A final thing is that she returned home for the summer in order to finish her dissertation/thesis, which she has to hand in at the end of September. I know how important this is for her and her final degree mark. Do you think that my timing was bad in telling her now how I feel, and has only said no because she doesn't want any distractions??

Hey, I'd appreciate any comments anyone has... be it a girl thats been asked in the same position or a guy who felt the same as me towards a girl the've been friends with.........

[blue]

Listen i go to school and i am in the mist of finals right now so right now for me its time to focus, she nedds to also. Its obvious that she is still working throgh her feelings for this other guy and she is actually smart to take the time for herself and not be keen on dating anyone, You were honest and thats a plus, and so was she these two things are key in any kind of relationship. And you know YOU NEVER KNOW! Remain friends let things unfold as they may. You wouldnt want her to hook up w/ you while she still has feelings or whatever it may be for this guy? Continue to be friends and you never know. Live your life though. luck

[Anthony]

I'm reluctant to say it, but your post is a prime example of why I have very little respect for people who amuse themselves via casual flirting, rather than pursuing activities that are more meaningful.

[Illusional]

haha first i have to remember that your summers are probably our winters...

secondly, hrmm... my suggestion is that it's better that you told her. you won't have to always wonder what it would have been like if you had said something. that is the first step. however on the contrary, october isn't that far away. for the better side, i would tell you to keep your options open, but get back in touch with her when she gets back because you never know what will happen. by the time that rolls around, she will have had plenty of time to get over her ex.

there is also another side to this, probably the side that you don't want to hear. if she doesn't have any interest in you, you were 99% sure because you were looking for those signs. everytime she smiles at you, it was magnified 100 times because her smile will bring out your smile. thus it appears that she is flirting with you, but she is only being your friend. this can go either way, but i would try it once again, hey you only live once right??

raverboy

[PMAW3180]

Well thanks for all of your comments...
anyway heres a bit of an update 2 weeks on.....

I left it alone after telling her, then I sent her an sms simply asking how things were going with her studies, and what she's been up to. I didn't mention anything about me telling her how I felt..

Anyway she responded, saying it was so nice to hear from me and told me everything was going really well..... a simple but nice sms

Then a couple of days later we chatted on MSN for about 3 hours, and it went so well...... just like we used to chat, lots of banter, joking and fun.... I mean it has gone back to how we were before I told her. So this, I guess, is good because she doesn't feel embarrassed chatting, and I presume she's happy that I have continued to just talk to her like nothing has happened.... Then I suppose if its going to happen it will.... just take time.

Oh and when we were chatting she asked me how my apartment in London was going.. I said it was great.... she said she couldn't wait to come visit when she comes back to England in September.....

I know there was no real flirting or reference to me telling her how I feel, but surely she just wants to carry on being real good friends and then later on who knows. Some of my mates have told me that the best thing is my reaction to when she responded to me first up how I felt. I didn't get annoyed, or pissed off.. I just carried on as normal, and I'm sure she's happy that I never blew my top....

What do you guys (and girls!) think?

[PandaCivic]

i think she's trying to make you forget that you even mentioned it to her. not sure if you should do this or not but when you see her in person, make sure to ask her how she feels about what you said. this way you can find out for sure where you stand. and if she gives you that B.S. about being too important in her life to change things, just take it at face value. you'll be more worried if you try to find out if she's lying or not. and at least you can move on and be her friend OR be other things. good luck.

[nendo]

i don't know y ur asking people here. there not specalissed in this stuff so rel they have no clue in what they are saying

[jslaughter]

Nendo:

Ahh, I see we've digressed into bitter rants? Are you really that ticked about your thread that wasn't all about you?

If you think this is such a bad place to be then leave - - -

[fixbayonets]

To PMAW3180

[fixbayonets]

Crap. Sorry about that empty one.
To PMAW3180:

I was in a somewhat similar situation as you are, although my object had a more serious rel. with another guy. The best thing you could have done was to tell her. It would have just eaten you up inside until you did. Besides, that takes balls to just come out and say, She'll respect that wether she shows it or not. I would say that if you can bare to be just friends with her and that be it, then keep doing that. although I dont know if that is wise or not, because anytime she has a love interest, it's gonna tear you up inside to watch. Keep that in mind. If you can still do it, just always be there for her, treat her like a best friend, make her laugh, and instead of just telling her how you feel, find SUBTLE ways of showing it. (actions speak louder than words.) I dunno, my situations didnt work out the way I wnated it to, so maybe you shouldnt listen to me. Just something to think about. Feel free to browse my poset "the all to familiar friend problem", maybe you'll find something in there that will help.

Godspeed to you.

[Uncertain]

Welcome to the club, I lost a very good friend after I told her how I felt.