overcoming jealousy and insecurity

[alicia2601]

I'm really starting to believe that it's not my b/f who has a problem. It's me. My b/f and I have talked ALOT. So i'm asking for some more of your advice here....what are some things i can do to help overcome this? I mean, if you've been following my other thread, my biggest challenge is being around my b/f, when other attractive women are in our pressence...whether it be online, in public or on tv.

I just wanna be "happy" again, as far as alot less worrying and stress. I appreciate everyone's honesty, that's what i'm lookin for here. If this is something you wouldn't be able to help me out w/, let me know...b/c i wont know if it is or not b/c i know you all are "strangers" and dont know me as a person. But try to fill me in as much as you can. heh

[squirrley]

K first off~you have to have confidence within yourself. If you are happy with yourself FIRST AND FOREMOST, things will fall into place. I get the whole feeling jealousy thing, oh yea I do. BUT-who is your man with? YOU! not anyone else.

If youre secure within your own life, other things wont seem so difficult. And then you have to have trust...look at your signature, you said it all right there!

If you are comfortable with yourself, your own mind, your own securities, things like jealousy will become pety and you get over it quickly. A comment made~said, express your thoughts and move on!

Look at what already have accomplished~a three and half year relationship? Yea, youre fine, but youre also very comfortable within it too, change things up some, like you said you want to have fun, so go have fun! Life is too damn short to sit around and worry about things, really it is, when you get to be 34 you'll see!

Its ALL in your mental health and you only YOU have complete control of it!

[alicia2601]

i wanna thank ya squirrley for ALL your help and advice. This has been a very long 3.5 yr relationship. We'd never have a problem if it was up to my b/f b/c he dont like fighting or confrontation, he likes to have fun and be happy...and i'm not happy. I have that signature to help myself out. So i am doing little things for myself that i think would help me w/ this as well as other ppl helping me.

[squirrley]

What is it that youre not happy with?

[alicia2601]

my b/f is a VERY smart guy...book smart that is and w/ everything else....i look at him and feel SO dumb compared to him. He knows soo much more bout life and stuff then i do, by far. I think i'm a pretty gal lol. But i dont feel like i am when other girls are in our pressence, when i'm w/ him. I feel that whatever he's lookin at or notices, that i need to change something to look more like those girls he's lookin at.

[CR's Baby Girl]

i feel the same way! i could never bring my self to go to a water park with him even b/c i know his eyes would be everywhere but on me! i could use some advice in this department as well! thanks for your replies!

[squirrley]

ah girl thats your biggest mistake, wanting to change for HIM. BELIEVE me, why do you think youre together right now, or better yet, why do you think you started dating in the first place? Because you were YOU. Not all these other women. YOu obviously have qualties that he is attracted to because your are yourself.

So hes smart and has some experience with things, that doesnt mean youre LESSOR of a person Alicia. EXAMPLE:I have live a pretty sheltered life compared to Iron. He's knowledgable in alot of areas that I am NOT. I certainly dont feel stupid, or lessor of person because he has experience in things I have not. I wont stand to be with a man who looks down on me, been there done that, they can kiss my ass.

DONT change who you are, or your appearances for ANY MAN~if you take anything from me, PLEASE take that with you. You cannot allow a man to have that kind of control over your life, even if he is the love of your life. It rolls back to respect and SELF respect.

Dont let his experiences scare you, frighten you, or make you feel lower than him. He can show you or has maybe even already shown you so many new things, and this is or should be a positive thing in your relationship.

Overall~Alicia, it comes down to one thing, YOU are responsible for your own happiness, dont let anyone else make that kind of decision for you. A partner is suppose to add to your happiness, not fulfiil it. When you make yourself responsible for your own actions, and you succeed, who gets the rewards? YOU. And when you fail, who do you turn to for your own failures? YOURSELF. When you do this you create your own mental strategy in the name of life! This way you have your expectations they you set for yourself, and you cant blame anyone, nor do you feel let down by anyone. The only to accept success and failure is yourself.

In relationships, you work together to succeed in your partnership and as individuals. You want to excel and move on and grow together. But you have to have complete happiness within in yourself FIRST.

[alicia2601]

i think my problem is/was that i relied on him for my happiness, which is a big mistake i know, b/c i couldn't find any happiness w/ in myself, since i'm overwhelmed w/ jealousy and soo many other bad things. He always brought out the good in me, b/c HE is such a happy person.

[squirrley]

Well thats one positve thing there, he's always a happy person, why do you think that it is?

STEP 1. find things that make YOU happy. (that arent related to HIM)

[alicia2601]

he's a very happy person b/c he had a REAL shitty childhood, where he was abused and other bad things that i wont go into detail about. He basically didnt have a childhood, so now, he wants to make up for that and have a good time. He's been to counseling about his past, so he KNOWS that hitting girls and such is wrong. lol. I checked into that, dont worry! But who DOESNT like being happy? Things that make me happy? listening to music, traveling, seeing new places/things/people, meeting new ppl.

[Killerbabe]

Hm.. Jealousy. Oh **** those BITCHES TRICKS AND SLUTS anyway. You know the ones that wear an invisible dress showing off their visibly fake breasts, the ones that float in the air jiggling their asses past your boyfriend feeling superior as your boyfriend turns around to look at them.

Girl they'll DIE of syphilis and if your boyfriend sleeps with 'em he'll die too. And he knows it. So rest in peace. lol

AS to looking, well let him look. No, even better LOOK TOO!! Girl give him some of his own medicine!!! Go online and check out all the blokes in trunks. How's that for a chenge, eh? *cruel laughter*

Whenever you're out turn your head 360 degrees to stare at some guys ass. Smile at them, wink. And then say "honey, looking's never hurt anyone."

[alicia2601]

lol omg Killerbabe! your somethin else. The thing is, is that i seriously dont wanna go online and look at nice lookin guys, just b/c i dont. He's said before that he dont want me having anything fake about me anyways, and even tho those girls have big fake breasts and those tight clothes on, he still likes it. He tells me ALL the time how beautiful i am and how lucky he is to be w/ me...and how i could be w/ someone who ISNT as nice lookin as him. blah! he gets sorta "upset" when other guys are noticing me tho!

[Illusional]

my one solution for everything.. get drunk, because you won't really care about your problems when you're drunk. raverboy

[Killerbabe]

And YOu were telling me off for getting drunk and posting threads?!

[Illusional]

i never tell you not to get drunk and post threads. i used to do it all the time, but lately i haven't been drinking at home after work. raverboy