Kinda long. has 2 parts but i need advice please!

[sparkyninja]

Part 1: Hello im just looking for some advice on what I guess would be considered a LDR even though we aren’t too far away from each other.

I met this girl in the middle of May this year before she went away to school. Im 25 and she’s 18. Her parents are cool with me her friends like me a lot. We’re over the age difference haha. Anyways It started out as a “just for the summer” type of relationship but as time went on our feelings grew for each other. We realized we loved each other and decided to try and continue the relationship while she went to school.

She goes to school in NYC which is a short train ride away from the area where we met. For the past 2 months she’s been in school I have been going down to see her and spending the night in her dorm on Saturdays. She also comes home some weekends as well. So it’s been going very well. Better than I expected.

We’ve been seeing each other for about 5-6 months now 2 of which she’s been at school. We just had a conversation about a little thing about me that has been annoying her a little lately. I would text her like once or twice a day just to say hi. She told me she knew I was just trying to be nice but it got a little repetitive and annoying. Im kind of glad she brought this up because to be honest it felt unnatural to text her everyday and I was only doing it because I thought she wanted me to. (I thought she wanted me to because a few weeks back if I didn’t text her for a day she’d ask me what was up. Like it was unusual I didn’t text her that day. So from then on I kept it up). We used to text and talk all the time but she said her heart just isn’t in it anymore. She’s assured me that she doesn’t love me any less, just the texting every day like we used to do doesn’t need to happen anymore.

Ok now here is why im asking for opinions/advice. This 5-6 month long relationship is the longest legitimate relationship iv been in. I know the beginning is always great because its new and exciting. I also know that after a few months that eventually dies down and we both said to each other we are aware of this. My problem is this: Iv never been in this part of the relationship before haha. So how natural is this? How should I handle it? Should I just give her some space? Only text her if I have something to say besides hi? I know different girls need different amounts of space/time so I just need some help with judgment. I’m picky about my girls but I love this one very much and I don’t want to mess it up. Any advice would be helpful….the next paragraph is more complicated.

Part 2: Ok so I told you about that girl. I need more advice on something but this is a lot harder than the issue I first presented. Our relationship is so complex yet so simple at the same time. I’ll break it down for you: She doesn’t call me her boyfriend. Like we aren’t boyfriend and girlfriend…but we are. All the rules and things in a bf/gf relationship are there except the status or the title. That’s it. That’s the only thing missing really. We don’t see other people, we tell each other we love each other and care for each other. Only thing missing is the title. The only reason she gave me for this is if we decide to make it “official” she thinks the relationship is going to be forced into being super serious (by super serious I mean become a lot more intimate with each other). Iv repeatedly told her I wouldn’t think of our relationship as more serious but she is still not comfortable with having that title. She’s an extremely very well behaved girl, still a virgin. She’s not religious either. To be honest I wouldn’t be surprised if she hasn’t been touched at all down there. It doesn’t bother me a whole lot because the important thing is that we love each other in my opinion. But everyone else iv talked to about this think its really weird and can’t shed any light on it. If anyone has advice or questions please feel free to ask. Sorry about the length and I appreciate your time!

[MavViper]

nice to hear someone else is in a relationship where the guy is 25 and the girl is 18

Little story bout myself before I address your situation. I'm 25, my gf is 18. Everyone got over the age thing. Theres something else that people have a hard time getting over but I wont post it here at all.

Anyways, your situation. Now when you say you text her once or twice a day just to say hi, is that the only communication you guys have during the week or do you call her everyday or every other day? How often do you guys talk? You say you used to talk and text all the time but now you don't. Simple fact is that she is going to school so things have changed, not necessarily for the worse though. It's just she is probably busy with school and schoolwork. My gf didn't have any summer courses and now that she is back in school we don't talk as much. We still talk and text everyday but not as much as we used to. It's still a lot though :/. On your question about how natural is all of this? Bro, every relationship is different. Mine and my gf's relationship is different than yours and your gf even though the age's are the same. Just go with the flow and do what comes natural and comfortable.

With part 2, so you guys are exclusive and essentially bf/gf but she doesn't want the title? To be honest, I think she is afraid of being intimate and that she sees the title as having to become intimate. if she is still a virgin she might not be looking forward to having sex for any number of reasons. Have you talked to her about that, like what you are telling us? But to be honest, it's just a title. if you guys are exclusive, love eachother, and everything that comes with being a bf/gf cept the title, then just go with it.

[sparkyninja]

Hey Mav thanks for your reply. Ya nice to see someone with a similar age difference and school situation haha.

To answer you questions: Yeah while she is away at school we texted each other pretty normaly. just the past 2 weeks iv been busy with work and she's been busy with homework. so the only time i would have to text her would be a short "hey babe im going to work have a good day" and she would reply something like "ok have fun i'll ttyl" and then i wouldnt text her til 11 or 12 at night when id be getting out just to ask how her day went. i think what she found annoying was i would text her around the same time everyday just to tell her i was going to work. and as i said i felt unnatural doing it but thought she wanted me to so i kept doing it.

But yeah other people have been telling me to go with the flow so i guess i'll do that.

As far as the title yeah i have brought it up a couple times. She wont budge on it. Most i got out of her was her saying she's scared i'll think the relationship is more serious then. Only thing that confuses me is we've reached the "i love you" step. And iv been very clear to her that i wasnt saying it lightly and that i meant it. She said she knew and that she felt the same, and cares about me a lot. With the title all i want is to be able to comfortably say "oh yeah she's my girlfriend" thats it haha. she still wont budge. Its weird because she can tell me she loves me but can't call me her bf. but you're right i should just go with it considering everything else about a bf/gf relationship is there.

[MavViper]

with the texting, I can see why she reacted like that. Maybe she wants more than just "hey going to work" in the morning. My suggestion is to spice it up a little bit, change it up. Instead of txting her "hey babe im going to work have a good day", say something else or better yet, text her before you go to work. She already knows what time you are going to work and knows you are going to work then so she might just be like "ok I already know you are going to work". Give her something different, just change it up. Is there anyway you can text her during work? She could just be frustrated with the lack of connection if recently you have been busy with work and she has been busy with schoolwork.

For the title, I'm not sure why it's a big deal for her. If I knew why, I'd be able to figure out women in general and then I would be a god among men . To me, the title is no big deal because what truely matters is your guys relationship, not how other people refer to you or your SO. That brings up another thing, how about proposing to her instead of girlfriend, that you can call eachother Significant Other? It's kinda like a stepping stone, at least in my eyes, to girlfriend.

In all seriousness, since you guys have not been intimate yet and the fact she says she doesn't want the title of gf/bf yet, it sounds like she might have some intimacy issues that she isn't revealing. I can only see your relationship getting more serious is if you guys move in together or have sex. Do you know any of her friends? Talk to them, I gurantee they will either know or pretty much know most of what your gf is thinking. That's why it is important to be friends with your gf's friends, not only because then you get more friends, but they can give you tons of advice and also it makes a relationship hard if her friends dont like you

[sparkyninja]

yeah with the texting im probly just gunna text her when i naturaly want to like if i have something to say. she already knows im thinking about her just doesnt need a text all the time. when she brought it up her exact words were, "when you text me everyday and im just like 'ok i'll ttyl' you dont have to do that all the time. i know you are just trying to be nice but lately its just been getting repetitive and a little annoying" and she didnt bring it up sooner because she said she didnt wanna be mean. i know you said to change it up and spice it up, but what do i even say. i mean im somewhat a hopeless romantic but nothin comes to mind for a 5 min convo haha

as for the title im gunna stop worrying about it cuz you're right the important thing is what we have.

about talking to her friends. i have thought about it. Only reason im hesitent on doing so is i did it once before and she told my girl about it. That was ok because i had a legitimate reason to be worried and have the convo with her friend. But i feel if i talk to her friends about this and it gets back to her (which it probly will) i feel she might put me in the dog house haha. her friends tell her everything. u know girls. one of her friends saw me out at the mall once buying guitar hero. and just that info got back to her that day as ammo to make fun of me haha.

i also have to remember that she's 18 and just out of highschool. still young. im going to see her in the city saturday, hopfully everything is normal cuz im expecting it to be hehe.

im not tooooooo worried about it. im not a sex fiend. sex to me is like a flashy car. hell yeah i want it, im happy when i have it. but im not unhappy without it. and im a patient person as well.

[MavViper]

yeah with the texting im probly just gunna text her when i naturaly want to like if i have something to say. she already knows im thinking about her just doesnt need a text all the time. when she brought it up her exact words were, "when you text me everyday and im just like 'ok i'll ttyl' you dont have to do that all the time. i know you are just trying to be nice but lately its just been getting repetitive and a little annoying" and she didnt bring it up sooner because she said she didnt wanna be mean. i know you said to change it up and spice it up, but what do i even say. i mean im somewhat a hopeless romantic but nothin comes to mind for a 5 min convo haha

as for the title im gunna stop worrying about it cuz you're right the important thing is what we have.

about talking to her friends. i have thought about it. Only reason im hesitent on doing so is i did it once before and she told my girl about it. That was ok because i had a legitimate reason to be worried and have the convo with her friend. But i feel if i talk to her friends about this and it gets back to her (which it probly will) i feel she might put me in the dog house haha. her friends tell her everything. u know girls. one of her friends saw me out at the mall once buying guitar hero. and just that info got back to her that day as ammo to make fun of me haha.

i also have to remember that she's 18 and just out of highschool. still young. im going to see her in the city saturday, hopfully everything is normal cuz im expecting it to be hehe.

im not tooooooo worried about it. im not a sex fiend. sex to me is like a flashy car. hell yeah i want it, im happy when i have it. but im not unhappy without it. and im a patient person as well.

Yes, with the texting just do it when you feel like it. Doesn't have to be like a 5 min convo, could just be a quick text like "Love you, missing you!" It's not necessarily what you say just as long as it has emotion and feeling. At least that's my rational.

Yes, anytime you talk to her friends they will tell your gf. That's the way it will always be and there is nothing you can do to change it. I was saying, talk to her friends and get to know them, be friends with them. Also let's say you are getting a gift for your gf or something like that, ask the friend for advice. It doesn't matter if it gets back to your gf, she will love you more for the fact you asked her friend for advice on it. It shows that you are including them and not keeping them out of her life and your life. And also her friends will like you more and that's always a plus.

Yes she is young, and practically anything you do will become ammo for being made fun of. That's the way it will be. Be patient bro, just go with whatever happens

[sparkyninja]

yeah im already good friends with her friends so thats all cool. we txt and talk online a fair amount. as for her making fun of me, i love it cuz we make fun of each other all the time it doesnt bother me at all.

id have no problem asking them advice on a gift or anything. just since this is a sensative subject with her i feel like when her friends tell her i talked to them about it instead of leaving it alone like she wants i could end up in the dog house know what im sayin? haha.

also her friends are a little younger than her and are also good girls. well behaved and with the same if not less the amount of intimacy experience. after getting to know them as i do i would be very suprised if this wasnt the case. so even if i did ask i wouldnt expect many answers.

i think im just gunna stay patient and go with whatever happends like you said. to be honest the fact that she's such a good girl is one of the things i like about her in the first place. If anything more does happen it will be that more special and will be a good feeling to know she's that comfortable with me