6 years and now its over

[Justsomeone22]

I was with an amazing woman for 6 years of my life. In that time she was in college and got her masters degree. She became a middle school teacher while also working part time. As she did that I worked at Home Depot full time, and had all intentions of enrolling in classes once she was finished. So through the stress of her not finding a job and enduring all of her class load the last 2 years we managed to make it through. She worked last year and I should have gone to school then. I should have this fall as well, but instead in April we bought a house together...now over the last 6 months I realized how much affection and passion and lack of appreciation for each other there was. In my own way of pushing her away and really digging into myself for being such a piece of shit for not doing something with my life...I also managed to single handedly destroy what I was most proud of...regardless of the affection and few things that had seemed to be missing...there was still all that heart and all that love all mixxed in there it was just hidden from each other. As I was dealing with my stress and anxiety of not knowing where I was going with my life and pushing her away because of our relationships lack of the said things...she endured the hardest thing that she has had to overcome since we were together with her grandfather passing away. I wasn't there for her the way someone who loves you is supposed to be...I didnt want to ignore the problems I felt we had and pretend that everything was okay because of the tragedy she faced. Even after all that she held on and did her best to try and get me to come out of my shell and let her help me get through the ****ed up things I was going through. Instead of letting her help I told her it was over and that I was leaving. Then days later I realized the error I had made and wanted to do all that I could to hold on. It isn't until now....3 weeks later that I realize that it will never be again. I gave up the most amazing love I will ever encounter over my own self pity. Now here I am writing about the saddest thing I will ever write about...as the tears pour down my face all I do is imagine the rest of her life...without me by her side and her making me the better person she always has. I would do anything to take back the pain and anger inside of her and right all of the wrongs. Though I know that it can never be possible, I just hope she will never forget how much I truly care and love her.

[blackzj52]

have you tried getting back with her?
if not, i simply suggest you try to. maybe a short break is what both of you needed and it gave you time to think.

[IndiReloaded]

Yep, she grew out of you. Happens. Better luck next time, fella.

[Justsomeone22]

Oh i've tried many many things took her flowers to her school for sweetest day let her read some of my writing that she had wanted to read for many years. Several things, I think it's beyond the point of saving face...which is okay with me and I'm not so much hurt by that as I am the way she has gone about it by moving right on to the next guy it such in an almost hermit crabby way. Shit happens I guess it just really gets you down and out and sometimes you feel like getting peoples pity who dont know the whole story. God bless the internet, if not I'd be feeling sorry for me all by myself!

[Justsomeone22]

She really just wants me out of the house right now, I think after I get things moved out and stuff and give each other a couple of weeks to honestly reflect on this that maybe....MAYBE my chances of getting things back on an even surface might be a lot higher.