So, i fell in love with my friend.

[bbicecream]

Kind of long post here - and also, excuse my semi-bad english.

Ive known this girl - lets call her Lisa - for a little under 5 years. We went to school together a few years back, and really became good friends. Lisa has had a boyfriend all the time up until two weeks ago, and I´ve had 2 different girlfriends in those 5 years (I´m single now.).

In the past 6 months we`ve really become a lot closer, and I consider her one of my best friends. We have been hanging out a lot, often travelling long distances just to meet (she studies in a city a few hours from mine). Slowly, I have realized that I am falling in love with her. I think I could write until my keyboard stopped working about how wonderful I think she is, but ill save it for now The problem is, I am very unsecure about how to break this to her (or if I should tell her at all.). Also, I´m not sure how she feels about me. I know I am never going to be able to tell her how I feel, unless I know that she has some sort of feelings for me too.

About 3 months ago, Lisa started telling me she was having trouble with her boyfriend. He had started studying in another city, and they didn`t talk much. She told me she felt like they both had changed a lot during the 5 years they been together.

About 2 months ago, we were at a birthday party in another city. It lasted till late, so we slept over at a mutual friends house. We both got our own rooms, but Lisa stayed in my room, and we stayed up just talking until 8 am. We got a few hours of sleep, but even though she had her own room, she slept in "my" bed. It was nothing sexual at all.

A little over a month ago, we were at another party in another city. It was also very late, and we stayed at a friend of Lisa´s. The friend did not have the biggest apartment, so we got a room together with a big bed. This night we also stayed up talking until late. She was often saying how she was cold (the room was not heated but we had thick and warm sheets). I got the feeling that she wanted me to hold her, but at that time she was still in a relationship with her boyfriend. I didn`t ask her if she wanted me hold her, since I felt it would be kind of inappropriate. (I _really_ wanted to, though).

So, about two weeks ago she broke up with her boyfriend. She was calling and texting me everyday before the breakup, telling me about the situation. I think she found a lot of comfort in telling all about it to someone. The day after the breakup she called me and wanted me to come to her place. Nothing happened, we just talked some more and sat close while watching a movie. To be very honest, I was very disappointed after that day, since I was hoping badly that she would give me some kind of sign that she had feelings for me. Now, I realize it was really good that nothing happened that day - seeing how that would kind of make me the instant rebound guy.

I´m meeting her this weekend. We`ve been a lot on the phone, every day, sometimes two or three hours in a row. Now I´m not an especially shy person, but when it comes to tell a girl about my feelings I am very shy. It´s taken a lot for me to get to the point where I can say "I miss you too" when we are talking on the phone.

We are going to a party on saturday, and she said that she wanted me to come with her to her city on sunday. I am so incredibly nervous about what will happen. Again, I know that I won`t be making the first move.

So my question is:
What expectations should I have?
Do you think she only sees me as a friend?
Is there any way I can "test the waters" to find out a little more about how she feels, without letting her know any of my feelings?

I know its still early.

What I´m writing here may seem kind of "cold" and superficial. I think thats kind of my defense mechanism. I´ve never been in love like this before. Thinking too much about how I feel about her, gets me to the point where I can`t think of anything else and I almost start crying (however stupid that must sound ). I am not usually a very emotional person.

If I found out she doesnt have feelings for me, it would break my heart, but I would be OK eventually. But never finding out how she feels, and always thinking about how wonderful things COULD have been, would be _alot_ worse.

We are both 20 years old.

Thanks.

[excowho]

But never finding out how she feels, and always thinking about how wonderful things COULD have been, would be _alot_ worse.

Answered your own question there didn't you?

As for peering into how she feels, body language is a good indicator, see how she reacts to compliments and what not.
Id say if you share a bed at this party try cuddling her see what happens.(See your own quote above as to why you shouldn't just lay back)

[blackzj52]

iv always been a firm believer that guys and girls could never be best friends/very close friends.
i always think that if theyr so close, then theres something more going on, whether one or both of them realize it.
i think guys and girls can be close frends, but not VERY close..
i think theres a fine line between close and very close friends.
test the waters, if shes cold, offer to hold her, stuff like that.
see how she responds.

is she sad/depressed over the breakup? to me it doent sound like it, it sounds like she was expecting it and started looking for somebody else towards the end.
keep at it, and then eventually, jus ask her, what would the chances of the two of you getting together be. then say something like youv always cared about her, something kinda subtle. and if she says no, then well u guys can still be great friends.

[cmc67]

Tricky situation, as it's real easy at this point to be put into the Friend zone. I would say be her friend, but don't get super close or start constantly being there for her or comforting her, etc.... keep a bit of distance. trust me, you are listening to the king of the Friend zone, so I know of what I speak. let her seek you out more, rather than you offering to help or talk to her, and don't rush to her at the snap of her fingers, otherwise it's all over and you will be friend zoned before you can blink.

[bbicecream]

is she sad/depressed over the breakup? to me it doent sound like it, it sounds like she was expecting it and started looking for somebody else towards the end.
keep at it, and then eventually, jus ask her, what would the chances of the two of you getting together be. then say something like youv always cared about her, something kinda subtle. and if she says no, then well u guys can still be great friends.

she has been sad about it for some time, but they went on "pause" about 2 months ago, so she has had some time to gather her thoughts. i talked to her some more yesterday - things seem to be moving in the right direction, at least!