relationship going down the drain

[fibe99]

Hi,
I have been dating a girl for almost a year now. She is a high school senior and I am a freshman in college. Unfortunately we are having a long distance relationship, she still lives in my old city, which is "only" 3000 miles away. We were determined to keep this thing going as I left because we have spent the greatest summer together. The first 2 months have gone by very smoothly. We had one or two occasional bad days but I felt that she loves and misses me a lot. Until this week. She has a one week holiday and went out every day, which is a bit unusual for her - she's not that much of a party girl. Every time this week I tried talking to her and it was strange. She was colder, didn't laugh at my jokes, barely responded in long sentences like usually. She looked bored, annoyed, mad. I asked if everything is alright and she got mad at me for asking, she said YES everything is fine why do you keep asking.
The first thing I would think of is that she's found some other guy. I talk to her best friend, however, and she tells me everything and she assures me that there is nobody else. I asked her best friend why she's so annoyed and cold these days and she doesn't know either but she assures me that my girlfriend needs me. I'm very confused now. Our conversations have become awkward. We used to send each other e-mails every morning and night, which we still kind of do, except she doesn't say anything in her e-mails anymore - they are short and empty and she doesn't even say that she loves me anymore.
This situation bothers me very much and, living 3000 miles away, it makes my life here very painful. I'm going back home in 50 days though and I was looking forward so much to seeing her and my family. She was basically my only reason to look forward to going home so this situation is horrible.
Does anyone have any advice on handling the situation or maybe an explanation for her strange behavior?
Thank you.

[Cain]

Are you going back home for good in 50 days? Or just for a visit? If not for good, is there an end to the distance? If not, then don't count on this working. Distance is incredibly difficult and can ruin even the strongest of relationships unless both people are more independent.

[fibe99]

i'm going back home for 3 weeks in 50 days but i will be there for 4 months during the summer. we really were trying to get through all the way to the summer.

[LadieNisha4u2nv]

LDR's are horrible, imo. Maybe the distance thing has gotten to her and she's tired of it. Maybe she started going out more to keep her mind off of you guys' distance problem. I dont think you should stop looking forward to seeing her. When you get back home, you guys should sit and talk face to face about how it is going and is it worth trying to make things work. Distance can really kill a relationship and it takes alot to be able to handle it. If you guys do decide to continue the relationship, maybe you need to try and do things to help make you feel better. Do you guys have webcams? Webcams can help make you feel better because you can see each other live. Just a suggestion, speaking from experience. Hopefully things go well with you two, but whatever decision is made, make sure it is the right one.

[fibe99]

Thanks,
Yes we have webcams and we use them regularly. That's also why I'm so annoyed right now. She used to have me on full screen, smile, laugh and all every once in a while. Now she chats with other people and has our chat window open in the bottom left corner. I can see how she laughs when she reads other people's messages and then she switches to mine and replies with an annoyed face. When I make the same type of joke she used to laugh about, she just says something like "very funny" or "uhh". She also has stopped saying i love you and she hasnt replied to my last email. She still keeps saying hi though so I'm not sure what the deal is. Her best friend keeps telling me that it's just a phase.

[snoz]

I don't know whether to keep you happy or tell you the truth lol.

We're just at the age bracket where:

1) We don't know what we want
2) We don't know where to go
3) Naive about love in general

I think it's quite natural to feel upset when what you're investing in isn't coming back. To me all signs point to the fact she's slowly moving on. I'm not going to say it's for another guy perhaps she's just having fun and forgot about you for now since Long Distance relationships does take its toll. She could be afraid to tell you or hurt you because she simply doesn't know herself.

I say do yourself a favour. Start going out and have some fun (non-whoring sense).

[fibe99]

thanks very much for your reply. I think that's what it's boiling down to, but her best friend keeps assuring me that it's not.

There's an update on the situation. Though she still hasn't replied to my e-mail, which is the first time ever, there has been some progress.
My gf had quite a bitchy fight with her best friend today, the one who is advising me. I saw the conversation and my gf is being unusually bitchy (and she's not pmsing) which kind of hints at the fact that something IS bothering her. I said hi to her and she just replied: "hey can i talk to you later? i'm really pissed right now and i dont wanna be a bitch to u again like ive been in the past..like my whole life". I'm not sure whether that's an attempt to apologize to me or just another provocative statement.

However, the conversation we had later was a tiny little bit less awkward than before and she kind of even smiled sometimes. She still didn't say i love you at the end but I'm telling myself not to be that concerned with these details. So I hope things will sort of move back to normal now.

I still would love to hear more opinions and suggestions because the situation is still very hard for me.

[The Calm Seer]

Friend, sleep with an eye open. Don't be too assuming, don't hurt yourself by assumption. I wont advise you to start another date bcos trust me, you may not know too much about this love thing now. So be calm, please, Ask her very clear and direct question and not with annoyance. She may be confused about some things too. Don't get annoyed with her for this. But dont live in assumption by seeking to know as if begging to know

BUT if i may give you a candid advise, prepare for the worst. I am not saying it will ever happen but it helps you to handle it maturely when it happened without burning your fingers.

[IndiReloaded]

LDRs suck. I don't know a single person who had success with them unless they had a solid, serious relationship for at least a couple years before the move. They also knew before the distance that it was temporary & had definite plans (< 1 year) that they would be back together.

LDR = likely doomed relationship

[fibe99]

thanks for the replies. yes LDRs are definitely a killer. i've been talking to her and she's really trying to talk more now so she's making an effort but the conversations are still pretty forced and cold. Still no e-mails or i love you at the end.

We have agreed to talk later today so depending on how that goes I have to make a decision. If this conversation goes well I'm going to keep things as they are. If not and the next 2,3 days I don't get any e-mails or signs of affection I'm going to ask her if she still feels the same and all that stuff.
It will be very hard but I can't go on like this it's killing me. I was looking forward to seeing her so much, she was basically my purpose. I feel really empty imagining that I will get back and she isn't going to call me the minute I land. Even worse, imagining her doing some other guy. But I guess I have to let go if it doesn't get better right now.

[fibe99]

the last two days have been quite ok, it's getting a bit better. she still doesnt send me emails but at least she said love you and kiss and stuff so that makes me a bit more optimistic.

[fibe99]

No, she's moving somewhere else. We were planning on spending the whole next summer together, which will be about 4 months. After that there is no point in continuing this relationship.

[fibe99]

i just dont understand her these days. when we talk she will say things like "...mm" and then say nothing for a while and expect me to come up with something to reply to that.
today i didnt say anything because i just cant think of anything to respond to that statement. she then said "alright im gonna go then ur not talkative". i mean seriously what does she expect me to do??

[Bokonon]

i just dont understand her these days. when we talk she will say things like "...mm" and then say nothing for a while and expect me to come up with something to reply to that.
today i didnt say anything because i just cant think of anything to respond to that statement. she then said "alright im gonna go then ur not talkative". i mean seriously what does she expect me to do??

Sorry man, definitely sounds like she's losing interest or feels like you guys are communicating too much. If you can pull it off, don't contact her for a few days. I'm guessing you are initiating all of the calling/emailing/chatting at this point. Just stop. If she doesn't contact you in 3 days, that's instructive in and of itself. Try giving her a call after, and if she sounds glad to hear from you, maybe it was that you were seeking reassurance too much and getting on her nerves. If she still doesn't seem to want to talk, I would guess somethings up and press her to actually talk about what the deal is...and be prepared to say "f it" if she won't. You have a lot more to worry about than her right now, considering you've just begun college and we're halfway through the semester here.

Also, I'm sure you've noticed as you've walked around campus, there are a lot of girls there! I know you love her but if she is giving you the cold shoulder, you definitely will not be without new opportunity.

Best of luck...

[Gigabitch]

Wow. That's a dead relationship, all right. It's like it's in a coma and somebody needs to pull the plug.