Broke up 2 days ago... really worried about her..

[worried22]

I apologize in advance for this being a novel. I've just had a lot happen in the past couple days and needed to write it all out.

Here's the background:
I met her six months ago at a wedding (she was working), and we began a relationship over the phone/email/msn, etc. After a few months of getting to know each other, we started dating (this was three months ago). We live apart, so we were driving three hours to see one another, which would happen about once every two weeks.

The problem that I saw from the start of this relationship was that she really, really, needed attention. Being long distance, I always would do everything I could, but it really never was enough, and this often caused her to be sad. She has a busy schedule and doesn't get to go out socially ever, which means she was constantly worried when I'm going out with my friends on weekends.

When together, we were absolutely perfect - no problems whatsoever. When apart, she would often lash out with completely un-based jealousy, and occasionally threaten to end the relationship, etc.

It seemed like the whole thing was getting unhealthy after a while, so I broke it off two days ago in the afternoon. I've had bad breakups before, but this was just... bad. I understand how hard it is, and I've been on both sides, but she was absolutely losing it. We talked several times that day, but most of the time when I would get on the phone with her she would just say the same thing over and over "how can you do this to me... how can you do this to me". When we talk or text lately, she tells me that I've done all of this intentionally just to hurt her. She honestly thinks I'm trying to hurt her, when all I've ever done is care about her.

Anyway, yesterday, things got really bad. I spoke with her in the morning at 8am and she was really, really drunk; other than that, she has drank one time in the last 6 months. She didn't even know where the **** she was. I convinced her to take a taxi home.
I spoke to her several times throughout the day, and it the same as it had been, with her telling me that I'm doing it on purpose, and me trying to explain that she needs someone who can be there with her and take care of her all the time. She called me many times during work, and I could rarely answer, which is normal. I talked to her again at 3:30 when I got off, and she was hysterically crying while in the car driving somewhere. I was trying to calm her down as I had been, and just before she gets off the phone she says, "I'm driving to the hospital.... I don't know if I'm going to make it". Then hangs up.

I called her over and over, texted, she wouldn't answer. I looked up her last name on white pages and got her house number and called over and over leaving messages for her dad, but it was like the line was disconnected. I started calling every hospital in the city. I spoke with urgent care, ER, front desk, several times for each one. I called 911 to see if anything had been reported. I called her old workplace to get the cell phone number to one of her old coworkers and had her drive to her house. Nothing. This went on for four hours straight. I finally got a text from her and she told me: "they just gave me my phone back", implying hospital staff I assume.

After another hour of her ignoring me I finally got on the phone with her. She gave me a short speech about how she can't believe I did this to her and how I have no idea what she's been through today. Before she can even finish what she's saying I tell her what I had been through, how I had called all the hospitals all night and knew that she wasn't there. Her new story was that she passed out in her car and then woke up and drove to work.

This is all just getting so out of hand. All I tried to do from the beginning was end it as painlessly as possible for her. I never wanted to hurt her or cause this. She tells me that she had already bought a bus ticket for this Sunday. I've sent her money to repay for the ticket, but she still insists that she is going to come see me because she needs closure. I tell her every time that we can't see each other and that it will just make it harder. Now she's getting to the point where she says she will come on a different day if I won't let her come on Sunday...

I've never been in anything like this. I'm scared to death for her. She really has almost nobody to take care of her over there and help her get through it, and the help that is there, she doesn't want. I just don't know what else to do.

[worried22]

On top of that, she has begun doing everything she can to hurt me as badly as possible. I don't know if what she is saying is the truth or a lie anymore. It's now the morning of the third day, and she is texting me telling me about how she got wasted and blacked out and stayed the night at her best guy friends house (admittedly, the one guy she knew that I was jealous about, for good reasons).

The shit she is saying is really getting to me. I want to help her get through this and take care of herself, but wheres the line? How long am I supposed to be hurt emotionally with intent, when all I'm trying to do is help her?

[ecojeanne]

ok please don't take offense but some of that drama cracked me up. ye damn sure you should be scared! she's a loon and a drama queen. But ye know she has a point, its never good to break up over the phone, if she needs to see you then let her, just let everyone else know aswell hehe j/k i'm sure she's not actually capable of doing harm, she's just one of those attention seeking drama queens imo. let her come see you for the last time

[worried22]

I normally always end face to face, but I really think that this one will do more harm than good. She's had a history of family issues that I won't get into, but it had been several weeks since we saw each other last, and I feel like her coming her will just re-light emotions for both of us, when I already know that the right thing to do is break up.

Glad I can be entertaining! haha. I'm just a little out of my element with this one

[ecojeanne]

I normally always end face to face, but I really think that this one will do more harm than good. She's had a history of family issues that I won't get into, but it had been several weeks since we saw each other last, and I feel like her coming her will just re-light emotions for both of us, when I already know that the right thing to do is break up.

Glad I can be entertaining! haha. I'm just a little out of my element with this one

sorry, i know as a guy you are scared of her, but she was drunk, my brother had a girl like that once and ye she had family issues alright, but yet she used to go ott with the drama and in fairness it was funny at times. overall face to face is best i think, then you know both of you are lucid and logical about it. some people like the drama and want to 'save' a person but unfortunately it can get tiring as it did with my brother. don't fret too much...afterall she's only threatening to harm herself and not very convincingly.

[worried22]

After the precedings, do you think I would be a bad guy if I didn't see her?

[misombra]

psyyyyyyyyyyyyyychooooooooooooooooo!

[ecojeanne]

After the precedings, do you think I would be a bad guy if I didn't see her?

obviously then you have to cut contact, and you need to let her know this before she leaves of course. being 'friends' will not work with this girl. ye know just let her know you can't handle the unfair pressure she has put you under and tell her to have a good long think about how she can improve her life because you can't try to 'save' her anymore. and then leave it at that saying you have an appointment of some sort with your 'whole' family.....

PS don't believe anything she tells you (about having to stay longer etc...no money to get back etc), meet with her early in the day so that you can leave early, that way she has no choice but to go back home

[misombra]

sounds exactly like fatal attraction. without the wife.

[worried22]

PS don't believe anything she tells you (about having to stay longer etc...no money to get back etc), meet with her early in the day so that you can leave early, that way she has no choice but to go back home

The ticket she already has would come on Sunday and leave on Monday... and I'm not willing to do that.

At this moment she has stopped the hysterical/mean messages and is resorting to "please just me see you one last time, we will never see each other again". It's really making me sad, I feel ****ing terrible about this whole thing, but I don't think I want to see her... ahhh

[misombra]

how old is this person?

[worried22]

Shes almost 21, I'm almost 24.

[misombra]

she's got a lot of growing up to do. leave her alone. find somebody closer to your age. don't feed into all that drama cause people will try to suck you into all that shit.

if you go see her she's gonna freak out again, make no doubt about it.

[worried22]

if you go see her she's gonna freak out again, make no doubt about it.

I feel the same way. I'm just having trouble gradually breaking away... I need to be replying to her texts less, but she calls and texts me constantly. It really is hard to not get sucked into it.

[ecojeanne]

does she know were you live and hang out? you wouldn't want her to turn up unannounced...that would be worse. At least this would end things on your turf, if she gets crazy in public then just call your friends/family/cops.