In love with older boy

[Charissa17]

I am Charissa and I am 17 years old, I am in love with an older boy and he is my older brother's very best friend. His name is Chase he has been my brother's best friend for a long time, and our family likes him alot. Chase is especially nice to me and looks out for me and allows, but there is something more serious between us him and I have made out abit and we realize we have feelings for each other and want to see each other and be together. But he is 21 and I am 17, what should we do? and how do we tell my brother and our families?

[NeoSeminole]

what do you mean "how do we tell my brother and our families?" You open your mouth and say you two want to date.

[GrkScorp]

If you were my daughter or sister.., I know this is a little hard to swallow.., but I'd never let you date someone like that..

I'm not saying it's true all the time.., but a guy who is 21.., and is considering dating someone who is 17.., is either still naive or desperate.. Those are both not qualities in a guy I'd like my little girl or sister to be dealing with..

If he's 21.., then why isn't he at the very least with someone 18? If he doesn't feel guilt or shame or a little bit like a loser or pedophile.., if he expects to have something serious with someone that young.., then he's still naive.. If he's aware and feels all of those things and still doesn't mind going ahead.., then he's desperate..

If my daughter or sister didn't realize or mind that at all.., then no less could be said about her..

I can only say.., try and control yourself.., try not to get too carried away from the excitement and trill of dating someone older and feeling as if you are somehow more mature for being interested in older guys or by virtue of association.. You're not going to be the first or the last girl who has felt this way..

I would try and seriously re-assess the situation before you run to your family and tell them.. Try and think about it without the whole "but I love him" popping up in your mind.. I didn't say he's not a great guy.., but I would be skeptical of someone 21 who is fine with dating someone 17..

[thepast]

i do not agree with the post above. My boyfriend is 24 and i am 18. He is very mature and has a very steady job as an IT . Although i must warn you, the age gap will cause a little problem. The older guy will always think you're immature, which sometime could be true. You guy would just have to work it out. I dont necessaryly think a 21 going for a 17 is considered desperate. My boyfriend has many girl friends and have many choices. Love is love. Age does not matter.

If you guys like each other, then be together. Your brother might feel weird about the situation, however, im sure he will be okay with it eventually.

[shh!]

I don't necessarily have a problem with this age gap, depending on your maturity level (and his, of course). You should speak to your parents privately and see if they will allow it, and then speak to your brother. This could be very awkward for his friendship, and his needs should be considered if this is a close friend because by virtue of your age, this relationship is unlikely to last. If things end badly, your brother will very possibly lose a friend.

[Only-virgins]

Guys named Chase are no good.

[excowho]

I'm not saying it's true all the time.., but a guy who is 21.., and is considering dating someone who is 17.., is either still naive or desperate.. Those are both not qualities in a guy I'd like my little girl or sister to be dealing with..

If he's 21.., then why isn't he at the very least with someone 18? If he doesn't feel guilt or shame or a little bit like a loser or pedophile.., if he expects to have something serious with someone that young.., then he's still naive.. If he's aware and feels all of those things and still doesn't mind going ahead.., then he's desperate..

Although I do agree with some points made by GrkScorp, this is non-sense, contradicting non-sense at that.

First I just want to point out that you mention it would be somewhat alright if she were 18. She's 17. If I need say more then I don't want to debate this.

Second of all, legally, morally and maturity wise there is nothing wrong with a 21 year old having an attraction to a 17 year old. It is not as you hint at pedophilia. There's a 4 year age difference, it's like saying that someone who's 44 should never be married to someone who is 40. Tell that to my parent's who are 4 years apart and got married at 18-22 and have been together for the last 34 years.

Third of all, she is fully developed, physically, and most likely mentally. Not in experiences, but in growth. The only way to get experience is through living it.

Attraction is a primal thing, it's species survival 101. And do you honestly believe monkey's would dismay or not have an attraction to another developed monkey because of a slight age difference? No. Even monkey's can define their own sense of what is acceptable, hence why they're not attracted to young monkeys.

Now had the scenario been more of something along the line of 14 or even 15 or 16(Because the girl is still developing), and 21. I'd say that was wrong, because of legal issues and because that attraction would be highly suspicious on the part of the 21 year old.

You don't go into every relationship looking to get married when you're 17 and 21. Or at least you shouldn't as it is far too young. You look to have a successful and happy relationship that is healthy, to both gain experience and be able to tell when you finally do meet "the one"(Won't get into that).
People need to develop on their own.

OP:
I'd say go for it, and just let them know.
But be very conscious of the risks your imposing on the friendship between him and your brother. As should anything happen your brother will be torn apart and brought into it. And he will have to make a choice, he'd more then likely choose you, but its not a choice you should necessarily be putting on the shoulders of your brother. As it's one I would never want to make.

[bluesummer]

i The older guy will always think you're immature, which sometime could be true. You guy would just have to work it out. .

This makes no sense. Why be together if he thinks you're immature? You think it's OKAY to be treated like that? I'd like my man to treat me like we're on the same level, thanks.

Yeesh, you young girls have no sense of self dignity when it comes to relationships. It makes me scared to have daughters.

[Charissa17]

I want to add that Chase treats me with kindness and respect. Sometimes when I do get pouty and act immature he calls me on it. Also the last thing I want to do is mess up his friendship with my brother.

[blackzj52]

honestly, if i had a sister, i would have no problem with my best friend dating her, unless she was ugly as hell then id tell him to find somebody better looking lol. my best friend and i are really close and i know hed never do anything to hurt her.
but then again im not ur brother.
talk to him about it.

[DoesntMatter]

Guys named Chase are no good.

Quoted for truth. If that is a smurf name for the forums then OK

[HUNT3R]

OP: What does your brother think about this? Have you talked to him about it? Like some of the other people said, he might be put in a potentially difficult situation if you two started dating and maybe break up. I don't think there's a problem with your age difference, but if you and your brother are close, ask him what he thinks.

[Charissa17]

I brought it up with my brother and I told him about, so I asked him if it is allright if i date his best friend. He says he is cool with it.

[xO Lanna]

I am 18 years old and my boyfriend is 30. Not only that but he was my teacher in high school. But my family has met him and everyone who is close to me has accepted our relationship because he is a good guy and we love each other. If you share equal desires I see no harm in telling your brother and family that you guys want to be together.