Made mistakes, now realise what I want, but she is now more distant than ever...

[Danny_B]

Hi,

So I dated this girl for around 6 months. Things were going great, we both enjoyed each others company. Then my ex (with massive history) interfered and brought back a whole host of memories and really messed with my head. I thought I still had feelings for my ex and in a very short time convinced myself she was 'the one' and was prepared to change my life dramatically. So I ended it with the girl I was seeing. She was heartbroken.

In a very short space of time I realised the thought of getting back with my ex was a mistake. So I called everything off with her too.

At this point I was extremely confused and thought it would be best if I was just on my own. The girl who I had been seeing would've had me back in an instant but I knew it would be for the best if we remained friends. And friends we became. Proper, close friends who'd tell each other anything. We slept with each other every now and then but also had an incredible friendship relationship.

Anyway, one ridiculous day (2 months later), we were talking about relationships and I said that I could never seeing us getting back together. I said it because I couldn't hurt her again the way I did. And I said that because I didn't have any faith in me at that time. I know it was a massive mistake the way I said it.

As a result she slowly began to distance herself from me. And I guess I didn't realise fully until it became too late. My feelings for her became stronger and stronger the more she pushed me away. I told her how I was feeling and all it seemed to do is push her away further. The friendship we once had has taken a massive downturn.

It has come to the point where I know I have made a massive mistake, I took the friendship for granted and now miss everything we had. I'm totally gutted. Yet know it's my fault.

I laid everything on the line to her two weeks ago and asked her back. But it was like there was a brick wall around her. She showed little emotion. And this was coming from supposedly my best friend who'd have done anything for me and vice versa as little as a month or two ago. She told me she didn't want anything from anyone. But why is she destroying our friendship?

Now we've hardly spoken. It's killing me. She still texts but they're infrequent. I rang her on Friday after a week of no contact (expecting her not to pick up) but she did pick up and we had a great chat - like old times. I cut the conversation short so she could get back to her friends and we agreed to speak the next day. Great. But then the next day she missed my call. Text at midnight to say sorry and said we'd speak the next day. She managed to miss that call too and then text this morning like everything was fine?

I understand if she wants no contact, at least I'd know I'd have to deal with that - but it feels like she just keeping me there, hanging in. Why did she answer the phone on Friday and then make all the excuses the next two days? The phone call on Friday was a good one and we left it knowing we both had much more to say. The texts she sends are always asking how I am and what is happening with me, so she is interested as far as that goes.

She could be angry that she's spent all this time getting over me and then I ask her back? Trust issues? Maybe she needs time and doesn't want all the contact? But our contact has been pretty infrequent... Maybe she is just over me, but why dramatically reduce the friendship?

I'm just a little confused. I think I need to give her time and just be there if and when she needs me.

[lastwish]

If I'm her, I won't take you back. Yes, its because you were indecisive and any girl would feel insecure with a guy like that.

If you really really like her...you would have to commit to being a secure and loyal guy for her. Which means...you would have to be persistant and keep contacting her until she warms back to you.

[Danny_B]

Yeah, I hear what you're saying. I did lay everything on the line for her but I can understand her not necessarily believing in me. It will take time.

But she is just being so distant right now. Like she is protecting herself? Or she just doesn't want to deal with this right now? Or she doesn't want to risk the heartache again? I understand all these reasons, but it doesn't make things easy right now... for me (selfish I know, considering).

I've got to have patience.

[Cain]

In my opinion, she was staying friends with you in hopes that you both could get back together. But when you told her that you didn't see the both of you get back together again, she realized that you were incredibly indecisive in regards to your feelings and she seems to be distancing herself in order to avoid any future heartache.

As was mentioned, be persistent if you really want her back, and eventually she'll either give you a chance or make it very clear that you and her will never be together again just as you did to her months ago.