Lust! i want him!

[Tatum_xoxox]

I have a bit of a problem and im just wondering about your personal thoughts on my situation. I know your probably going to think im stupid....heck i know it myself but i can't help it.

There is this guy...(duh) lol and hes one of those guys that are absolutely irresistible but an absolute jerk. I have never been in a relationship with him before, neither do i want to, but my body literally aches for him. I've known him for two years and have always fantasized about him, he is just that one guy in a womans life that i cant seem to stay away from. Lately we have just been hooking up a bit when we go out clubbing etc. Then last night we were both pretty drunk and we were dancing really close and sensual and i wanted him so bad, but he had to go home and he tried to take our lustful relationship to the next step and asked me to go home with him. I really wanted to and was absolutely ecstatic that he asked me but im still a virgin..... and quite frankly i don't know if i want to have a man i am dating and in-love with the pop the cherry or.......the man i have wanted for so long in a sexual way. I mean even if it were no sex, just play.....I've done none of that stuff and quite frankly that stuff scares me, i think i may be too self-conscious like.......do i wax.....my thighs are flabby blah blah blah......and a whole new situation arises lol.

What woud you guys do personally?
I've never actually thought of my virginity as something soo sacred to keep for the one man i fall in love with...i've just never really thought about it, or cared, but i also dont wanna make a complete mistake......who knows the sex might make me crave him more and more and soon i'll find myself absolutely head over heels for him, which is definitely wrong.

Friends with benefits maybe??

arrgg i don't knwo what im doing, all i know is i want him!! =(

[GrkScorp]

an absolute jerk.

Elaborate..

[LadieNisha4u2nv]

You say he's a jerk, and all you're doing is lusting over him, why give your virginity to him? Do you think he'll fall head over heels for you too cuz you gave it up? I see it turning into a regret cuz you may expect more out of it than you think. You think up the idea of friends with benefits, and when you actually get into it you start feeling more feelings for him and would rather not be just his **** box. You'd end up wanting more and he'd end up rejecting you. There's more to friends with benefits than just thinking it up, you have to be emotionally ready to accept that they'll leave you when they are ready to leave and that you're no more than just that, FRIENDS, which means you cant really be emotionally attached. You should really think about it before doing it, cuz it just might be one of your biggest regrets.

[Junket]

Some women really dig the cocky guys.

So long as she keeps in mind that whatever relationship they have won't last very long, she'll be fine.

[Tatum_xoxox]

hmmmm...yeah yours right!! over the past two years i have learnt to deal with him wanting other woman aswell after all we are not an item, because at first i really liked him, and i got upset after i first kissed him and next time i saw him he was kissing other girls.........and that should have been enough to make me not want him but the feeling just keeps crawling back, and now after all that time, i have seen him kiss other girls and heck i don't care anymore, i haven't shed a tear for him in sooo long! But your right...i think i will think it over more thoroughly but maan, lol.

elaborate.....ok well i know he cheats on all his girlfriends and is very unreliable and gives the most mixed signals ever, he wants you, then he doesn't, or he does but doesn't show it! i dunno really but i just know he is. Sometimes i wonder if hes worth trying to tame, i mean he has to grow out of it sooner or later right?? who knows

[LadieNisha4u2nv]

He'll grow out of it when he is ready...you cant make him just because you want him to.

[Tatum_xoxox]

but i know he is trying to grow out of it, or stop altogether, i've talked to him about it, and have in times given him total respect for that. I almost kissed him one night, but he told me he is seeing someone and said sorry, i was completely fine with it and actually encouraged him. But i will leave it, i will be willing to do other stuff, but i wont do sex, not yet anyway

[shh!]

I think you should avoid him. Girls tend to get highly emotionally involved once they've had sex with a guy, and you already know he's a jerk. You are asking for trouble. Besides, if he's such a player, he's got a 1 in 4 chance of carrying an STD. As a germ freak, I wouldn't consider the risk worth it for a boy I didn't have a relationship with.

[Dasein]

Most people's first time isn't usually an earth shattering experience so maybe if you did sleep with him it may turn you off

[blackzj52]

id love to have a cute girl with a mega crush on me (like you do with this guy) out there chasing after me.

[kitty001]

I think you should wait till you're in a serious relationship with someone you really care about before losing your virginity to them

It isnt THAT big of a deal, but my current boyfriend (we're 19) was a virgin when I met him, while I wasnt, and a little part of me wishes I had waited for him. I feel a tiny twinge of regret, which I'd never expected when I first lost my virginity.

[Zilla80]

Don't do it girl!

[GrkScorp]

hmmmm...yeah yours right!! over the past two years i have learnt to deal with him wanting other woman aswell after all we are not an item, because at first i really liked him, and i got upset after i first kissed him and next time i saw him he was kissing other girls.........and that should have been enough to make me not want him but the feeling just keeps crawling back, and now after all that time, i have seen him kiss other girls and heck i don't care anymore, i haven't shed a tear for him in sooo long! But your right...i think i will think it over more thoroughly but maan, lol.

elaborate.....ok well i know he cheats on all his girlfriends and is very unreliable and gives the most mixed signals ever, he wants you, then he doesn't, or he does but doesn't show it! i dunno really but i just know he is. Sometimes i wonder if hes worth trying to tame, i mean he has to grow out of it sooner or later right?? who knows

No.. sadly he won't ever out-grow this..

The mixed signals isn't really that big of an issue.., although it's nice to be honest and strait forward.., it's nice to hear.. "I'd really like to see you again" or "I really like you" from that guy you find cute.. Maybe he's not that experienced yet and thinks you're playing difficult when in reality you're just shy because you're inexperienced..

What the real "no-go" sign is.., is his attitide towards other women.., he wants them all.. His attitude towards sex is quantity over quality.. You can't tame someone like this.., ever! This meta-model for how he chooses to self-identify himself.., what he considers positive validation for his ego.., and his wants have been well grounded and rooted into memory.. These are firm beliefs you can't just come in and hope to shake or change..

The fact that he's unreliable could have just been because he's just very attractive and lacks the motivation to put any real effort into a relationship.. But when you say he "cheats".., that suggests that it's also because he doesn't really hold any value for women in his life.. They're all just fun for him.., even the ones that have more than just fun to offer him..

I know this may sound cliche'.., but do understand why you should look for someone who will appreciate and respect what you have to offer them.., and value you properly.. If you want to go ahead and have your fun.., that's an understandable urge.., natural.., and you can do so.., but don't get attached.. He's not going to fall for you.., you will never mean anything to him.., and be emotionally prepared when (not "if") he cheats on you and leaves you for someone else..

[Junket]

but i know he is trying to grow out of it, or stop altogether, i've talked to him about it, and have in times given him total respect for that. I almost kissed him one night, but he told me he is seeing someone and said sorry, i was completely fine with it and actually encouraged him. But i will leave it, i will be willing to do other stuff, but i wont do sex, not yet anyway

I agree with Scorp.

I assumed you accepted the idea that he's not mutual to you, nor ever will be.

As long as you understand that, and agree with that, you'll be fine.

But if you seriously expect he'll "mature", and change his ways if you wait long enough?

OOOOOH, boy.

You're in trouble.

[lastwish]

Whats more important to you right now? Do you have any desire to have a long term thing for him? Are you the type of girl that will develop deeper feelings for a guy if you have physical contact with him?

I personally don't develop respect or deeper feelings for a guy if he doesn't attact me beyond the physical. When I see a hot guy with nothing more interesting, I just think short term pleasure. But what about you? It really depends on the person.