Feeling unloved-unappreciated?

[summer2]

Me and my boyfriend have been together since I was 15, him 16. I am now 22, and he 23. We've stayed together besides breaking up on and off which add up to a year, but we haven't broken up for near three years now straight.

We just had a baby together begining of this year, 2008.

When we got back together for the final time, we vowed we'd stay together this time for sure. The thought of the other with someone else is what brought us back together whenever we broke up prior.

Well things started to go down hill when our pregnancy, seemed to spook my boyfriend. He was unaffectionate to me, acted like I was an alien, even said my stomach looked like an alien. I caught him texting his ex-gf, and the texts were sexual, flirty...

I told him to stop twice, because he was caught twice.

The baby came, he was great through the birth, he was there for me, then two months later he's back to texting his ex. He won't tell this girl off, won't tell her to leave him alone. You'd think that if a guy loved a girl, and had a baby, and knew that his X's intentions were BAD for our relationship, that he could easily tell her to F off.

So now that our baby is 7 months. My bf never hugs me, never kisses me, or even touch me, unless its for the sole purpose to have sex. I even told him I feel unloved, because its just the simple little things I ask for. Like a hug or a kiss once a day, but not to go directly to sex all the time.

He also hasnt gotten a hair cut in over a year, I don't know why, but he just won't go get a hair cut. It's not all long because his mom trimmed it up, but it's not a hair cut...and shes not a barber. It's embarrasing. He has also put on a significant amount of weight, say 30lbs at least. He never takes me out to a movie or anything, and just going to the store to pick up simple things is a huge hassel, because he complains about doing it. He's become a hermit.

He only wants to play computer games, and sit and eat at his computer. He is on his computer from the time he awakes to the time he goes to sleep. I can't say I am much better as I do a lot of work on the computer, and play games too, but I go out and do other things as well, go on walks, goto the store, go enjoy being outside with my baby, visit relatives. He doesn't hang out with any of his friends either. He used to work out and play basketball but has lost all interest in it.

Now our relationship has turned cold, in fact I have been sitting here for five hours straight, right next to him, and he hasn't said a word to me!

I am trying so hard to keep it together for my baby, because my parents are divorced and my "mother" left when I was a young child. My bf doesn't know his dad. So I am trying to make it perfect for my child. Ugh.

Forgot to mention, I told him I'd like to take a two day break, just being out of each others hair, and he started accusing me right off the bat of liking someone else, of cheating on him, calling me a liar, a cheater, two faced, etc. When I tried to explain to him, it's not a break, it's just to get out of each others hair, because all we really do is sit there at home, all day, all night with each other.

[zebra19]

it seems to me that your boyfriend wasn't ready to be a father. you guys were fairly young and have been together all this time. he has created this other world for himself which involves video games and other things he keeps himself interested in to keep himself out of the reality that he is a father.. that he is bound to spend the rest of his life with you.. i may be wrong but this is my opinion. i think what i need to explain to him that you did not have your mother while growing up and he did not have his father growing up, you both know how it is to be raised in a broken family, explain to him that while you were growing up all you dreamed always was to have a normal fully functioning family. now you two have a chance to do it. i'm sure he had wanted the same thing too at times when his father wasn't around. maybe that will hit him and make him think.

[CompletePimp]

He sounds like a terrible boyfriend. You should give him an ultimatum. To improve as a boyfriend, a man and a father. This is unjust. Stand up for yourself because this is just shitty on his part.

[CherriBlossomGirl]

I hate to say this because it is going to sound so cruel, but since when is reality kind? A man who loves you will not talk to anyone in a flirtatious or sexy way period, especially exs. When he's talking (in a sexy way no less) to another woman, how on earth can he claim that he loves you and only you?

My point? The reason you are feeling unloved is because you are. He does not truly love you. Staying with him for the sake of the baby is a *really* bad idea. There are men, not boys like this jerk-off, out there that are ready and happy to be dads. And good dads. This little boy will be a *bad* father. Which would you prefer? Your baby had a daddy that ignores him/her and you? Or would you like to give your baby a chance to have a real father figure? One that will love him/her no matter what and will cherish each moment spent with "their" child?

Suggestion: When he's not around, check his internet history and chat logs. With how much time you say he's spending on the computer, I'm willing to bet he's visiting porn sites or talking to a girl or girls online. Cheaters tend to be insecure, and often accuse their partner of being the unfaithful ones.

[agatha]

If I were in your situation, I already left him. I can't really take the way he treat you.

You don't deserve to have him!
Hes very irresponsible.

[Dasein]

Cheaters tend to be insecure, and often accuse their partner of being the unfaithful ones.

I was going to suggest the same notion. Very often cheaters deflect on to their partner the very thing they are doing.

It is totally unacceptable that he is sending flirtatious sms's to his ex. In fact that would be a deal breaker for me but you have a child to consider.

To be fair you have to tell him how you are feeling. You will not be able to continue with things the way they are.

Also do either of you work?

[shh!]

If he were just a boyfriend, I'd favor getting rid of him. But since he is also the father of your child, I think you should seek some professional help before throwing him out.

[Only-virgins]

How come men aren't loving their women the way they are supposed to be loving them? wtf is wrong with them. I for one wouldn't even have to hug and kiss the women who has my child for her, I would do it for me because I want too.

[summer2]

Hi, Thanks for all your advice.

The question about us working, I am a full time nursing student, and he is a full time computer programming student so we don't work, it would be really hard. Our guardians want us to get through school so we can get a job when we are both out, but they help us with our child for now. We take nearly all of our classes online besides myself I have to attend a few laboratorys.

We live with his grandparents who have been his parents.

When we grew up dating, we always talked about having a child, and the ideal family. Because how we were when we grew up. We always had our father and mother figures, because of relatives raising us. I just wanted it to be the real deal for my own kids, and never be questioned by other children "where is your mom, or why dont you have a dad?" Because that really hurts a child. I think maybe I am also looking at this too deep, because in reality my child will have his mom and dad, I am not taking off like my mother did, and my boyfriend wouldn't either.

That is the ONE thing I will give him. He is a good father. But not a good boyfriend.

Tonight he was on his computer barely saying anything to me at all, and I gave him a big bear hug, he put his hand on my arm with a loose grip, like a hug back or recognition that I was there. That wasn't a hug...Or anything.

The only thing I can't get over, is I have such a hard time seeing him with someone else! Is that deep love, or just possessiveness? He did take my virginity.
:-\


The question about if he looks at porn, he does, but that doesn't bother me at all. I have caught him talking to women from other countries dirty, calling them sweety, things he would never call me. From an online game. That was four years ago. I didn't think much of it because apparently she was from London, and it was online. I did see other pictures of other girls, about two years ago, but I seen the file was created before we got serious again, so over looked it.

He still won't get a hair cut.

For today, I stayed at my family's with our baby, and he stayed at his house where we sleep. It's doing a little better, but we really aren't talking. I don't want to give in and have sex with him just so he'll be happy, tonight.

[nanyen]

Hi, Thanks for all your advice.

The question about us working, I am a full time nursing student, and he is a full time computer programming student so we don't work, it would be really hard. Our guardians want us to get through school so we can get a job when we are both out, but they help us with our child for now. We take nearly all of our classes online besides myself I have to attend a few laboratorys.

We live with his grandparents who have been his parents.

When we grew up dating, we always talked about having a child, and the ideal family. Because how we were when we grew up. We always had our father and mother figures, because of relatives raising us. I just wanted it to be the real deal for my own kids, and never be questioned by other children "where is your mom, or why dont you have a dad?" Because that really hurts a child. I think maybe I am also looking at this too deep, because in reality my child will have his mom and dad, I am not taking off like my mother did, and my boyfriend wouldn't either.

That is the ONE thing I will give him. He is a good father. But not a good boyfriend.

Tonight he was on his computer barely saying anything to me at all, and I gave him a big bear hug, he put his hand on my arm with a loose grip, like a hug back or recognition that I was there. That wasn't a hug...Or anything.

The only thing I can't get over, is I have such a hard time seeing him with someone else! Is that deep love, or just possessiveness? He did take my virginity.
:-


The question about if he looks at porn, he does, but that doesn't bother me at all. I have caught him talking to women from other countries dirty, calling them sweety, things he would never call me. From an online game. That was four years ago. I didn't think much of it because apparently she was from London, and it was online. I did see other pictures of other girls, about two years ago, but I seen the file was created before we got serious again, so over looked it.

He still won't get a hair cut.

For today, I stayed at my family's with our baby, and he stayed at his house where we sleep. It's doing a little better, but we really aren't talking. I don't want to give in and have sex with him just so he'll be happy, tonight.

As a girl , I am sorry to hear your story . personally , I think you are a good wife and mother , but why he cant feel your love , I cant understand ,.
For the young couple, most hope to live a happy life with a lovely child , he will feel proud for you beacuse of the baby , maybe he has some stress in the mind , If you want to have a normal family , you should move him by your love , Or I think you can leave him for some days and give him some time to think alone , maybe he will miss you and the baby , last wish you have a good luck .

[Dasein]

Was the child planned? You both seem young to take on this along with studies and no money coming in.

Has your boyfriend said I love you lately? From the alien comment maybe he doesn't find pregnancy and babies terribly sexy and he may be overwhelmed. Either way he has to deal with it because he has a child.

[NOLA CBD]

All I have to say is that there are many men out there who would love to have a dedicated woman like yourself... baby included. I would certainly try some counciling if you can. But if things do not work out... just know that there are men out there who will love you for you... and will love your baby just because you love the baby too, and the baby is a part of you. I can tell that you are a great person with the right intentions. I'm sorry that things aren't working out with your husband/boyfriend. try getting some help for you two. But if worse comes to worse... know that you deserve better... and you can have better.

[summer2]

Today he acts more cold than ever, accusing me of liking my friends, who have girlfriends, who i am friends with!, and never had an intimate relationship with either.

Every word turns into an argument.



My first instinct is to go after his new interest. Which I know is really bad, maybe now that I have a child it will be different, because I don't want to get in trouble and lose my child.

I feel so alone right now...Even though he's right there.

The only problem I have is seeing him with someone else down the road, how am I to deal with that? If we were to break up...Because that is why we've gotten back together before. :-\

[Dasein]

Summer once again he is accusing you of cheating. It is very suspect.

Have you ever thought of counselling? You can't go on like this.

[nanyeny]

You should find a valid way to deal with the situation , beacuse you still have long way to go , If he always treat you like this , can you bear it ?
Everyon hope to get happiness , as a husband and father , he has the obligation to love you and your child . he need see psychological doctor , I think . If he has big depress and he can tell you , I think you will give him spiritual support.
All to all , you are his wife and you should help him go out from shodow