Talking to bf about possible open relationship?

[Sweeney]

I've been in a 3-year solid relationship now, never had any difficulties communicating or anything, but I do need some advice...

I moved to another city for my study, so I'm only seeing my bf during the weekends (and not even every weekend). Problem is, that I've become used to have sex and my bf near every single day before I moved. I've been able to supress the urge so far... (I even posted some topic about a co-worker I felt very attracted too).
So I've followed the advice I've gotten here and haven't pursued anything with the co-worker. But it's getting harder and harder every week. I just miss the sex during the week days I guess... Call me weak.

So I need to talk to my boyfriend. Tell him about this. What I actually would like, is to know how he feels about an "open relationship". The only thing I want, is the freedom to pursue those needs every now and then... Whenever I'm close to my bf, I have no need to go to someone else or anything, it's just while he's not here. I really don't know how he feels about it though. And I certainly don't want to scare him away.

So my options, as far as I see them:
A) Cheat
B) Talk & get the open relationship thing through
C) Talk and be dumped
D) Don't do anything

As far as I know, I won't be able to do A or D. I won't cheat on him, he means too much to me. But my lust is driving me insane, so I don't think I will manage to keep steering away from the colleague. Especially since that colleague's been very clear to me as to what he wants............

So we need to talk. But I really love him and I want to get back to him as soon as I get my studies finished. I certainly do not want to scare him away but I can imagine he won't like the idea of me with some other guy... But to add: I wouldn't mind if he went for a bit of fun when I'm not around. He'd only better be sure he doesn't mess around while I am close. Too bad I have no clue how he feels bout it

Please guys, how do I talk to him without scaring him off immediately?!

[Cain]

If I was your bf and you suggested this, I'd allow you to sleep with other guys.

Only because I'd have broken up with you.

[Sweeney]

Right. Thanx for that very useful comment Cain.

[Love Portion #9]

You are always going to be face with temptations. If you love your BF so much, you have to control that urge. But you sound as though you will cheat. See you want to have your cake and eat it too. You can not have it both ways. Hell, if I have your bf number, I call and warn him. Another heart waiting to be broken or life taken because of multiple sex partners and the risk of STDs. Now ask yourself, is all this future pain worth pursuing a foreign dick? Are you willing to take that risk? We reap what we sow!

[Cain]

Right. Thanx for that very useful comment Cain.

You might not think it's useful, but I'm giving you a man's perspective. Most men will not be accepting of letting their woman sleep with other men. I'm just saying... don't expect him to embrace the idea.

[Gribble]

Let yourself go. Dump your boyfriend. Enjoy yourself guilt-free. Don't waste your college years clinging to some guy back home when you could be having a wonderful time and meeting wonderful people.

[Cain]

Let yourself go. Dump your boyfriend. Enjoy yourself guilt-free. Don't waste your college years clinging to some guy back home when you could be having a wonderful time and meeting wonderful people.

If you listen to this and dump someone you claim to love so much, just don't expect for him to wait around for you.

[Sweeney]

But you sound as though you will cheat.

Why do I sound as if I will cheat? Thus far I'm doing fine: I've only slept with one person, my current bf... I acknowledge the "danger" and the fact that I need to talk. Oh yes, I considered cheating, especially since he'll never find out because I live in a different town and he doesn't know any of my friends here. I seriously considered it. But I can't do that to him. The guilt would kill me. It's killing me already because I even thought of it.

You might not think it's useful, but I'm giving you a man's perspective. Most men will not be accepting of letting their woman sleep with other men. I'm just saying... don't expect him to embrace the idea.

You're right. I am hoping he's more understanding though... Maybe he'll give me the choice to drop the idea or to drop the relationship... And the little voice in the back of my head hoping I might get him into accepting a little fling...

Let yourself go. Dump your boyfriend. Enjoy yourself guilt-free. Don't waste your college years clinging to some guy back home when you could be having a wonderful time and meeting wonderful people.

If you listen to this and dump someone you claim to love so much, just don't expect for him to wait around for you.

I'm not going to dump him. I'm going to be honest with him and let him dump me. Or not if he choses. I cannot say what I will regret more in years to come: dumping my love right now or staying and possibly wasting my youth...

But now I still don't know how to start such a convo...

[Cain]

You're right. I am hoping he's more understanding though... Maybe he'll give me the choice to drop the idea or to drop the relationship... And the little voice in the back of my head hoping I might get him into accepting a little fling...

Maybe he will. Maybe he won't.

You wouldn't have to cheat on me for me to break up with you. Even considering having an open relationship would be enough for me to lose trust that you wouldn't cheat. If you're having doubts and think that you'd be fine without him in your life, just break up with him and live your life.

[Charlie Boy II]

Is it really that hard to go mon-fri without sex??? Don't you have a virbator?

[Cain]

Is it really that hard to go mon-fri without sex??? Don't you have a virbator?

That's the point. If she can't go 5 days without sex and it's bothering her this much, she'll eventually cheat... whether she says she won't or not.

Personally, I feel an open relationship is cheating, regardless if the other person approved or not.

[shh!]

I agree with Gribble. Take some responsibility and dump the boyfriend. Why are you making HIM do the dirty work of dumping someone when YOU are the one who wants to fcuk someone else? There is nothing wrong with wanting some freedom during college, and I actually think you should have it, but let him go the right way.

[kene]

As a guy, the mere suggestion would end it. I don't think there's an easy way around it. You can try to word it one way or whatever, but when the meat of your request is an open relationship, if you're boyfriend is what I would consider to be a "normal" guy he will see you either 1) peddling a dumb idea or 2) manipulatively/slyly peddling a dumb idea. Either way, I would only bring this up if you are more than willing to face the very likely consequence, that it will ruin your relationship. If that's the gamble you're willing to take, go for it, and let the chips fall where they may.

I don't know where to begin into advising you how to go about telling him, because it seems like such an out-of-this-world stupid thing to do.

Sorry, but that's the truth. Heck, I even feel insulted reading your post. I can only imagine what your boyfriend will feel.

[survivor08]

As far as I am concerned, nobody should be in a serious relationship during college. It is a time to grow and explore life. You can always get back with you love one after college life. Be fair, for both of you.

[Cain]

As far as I am concerned, nobody should be in a serious relationship during college. It is a time to grow and explore life. You can always get back with you love one after college life. Be fair, for both of you.

Though some people would rather be single during college, not everyone is the same way. Some people prefer serious relationships and there's nothing wrong with that.